My wife and I have been married for 10 years. Several years into the marriage we began having problems. Both of us were to blame, and both of us promised to do our parts to fix the relationship.
Fast forward to the present day: we have not had sex in almost 6 years. I'm in my late 30s, and I feel my romantic life dying. We aren't even intimate. I have made many positive changes in my life. She has changed some, as well. However, where I feel I have become more open and loving, she has become closed off and distant. We are on our third marriage counselor, and I have made it known, loud and clear, that our marriage needs to get better soon, or it's over.
Mainly, I need sex and I need intimate contact. I feel lonely and unloved. I've had it with celibacy. My wife has spent the last several years promising we would have sex again, but it's always on her terms, and it has never happened. A couple of weeks ago when I finally put my foot down about the relationship, I think something may have stirred in her. She's now talking about getting an IUD procedure, because she does not want a child.
The problem is, I don't know if this another empty promise, and I'm tried of being a sucker. My wife claims she misses our sex life, but is disinterested in sex.
That said, the rest of our marriage is great. We have been together for 19 years, and we are each other's best friend. We spend the evenings together, rather than separating every evening after work and live our own lives. We do things together on the weekends... everything except the sex and physical intimacy.
I very recently met a woman who is in a similarly difficult marriage lacking intimacy, but her husband has the added of bonus of psychological problems that are not being properly treated. She does not want to divorce due to her children, but she is damn well convinced that she wants to have an affair.
And she wants to have her affair with me.
I am hesitant. While I am starved for sex, and I feel a connection to this woman, my first instinct is to feel guilt. I feel trapped because I'm not getting any sex or intimacy from my wife,and I feel too guilty for getting it elsewhere. You can imagine how depressing this is.
I have friends that tell me I'm stupid to either still be married and/or NOT have an affair. Some people think that an affair is wrong no matter what, I've also read theories that an affair can resurrect a marriage. Religious moralism does not work on me, as I don't subscribe to that hokum. I'm more interested in the real life where real people live with real problems.
Thoughts?