Attracted to him though we've only been friends- Try for more? Or stop seeing him?

[nycnf]

Looking for some feedback from a male point of view--
About two years ago, I placed an ad online looking for a tennis player and a man around my age responded (we're both in our 50s.) He and I started playing tennis once or twice a week & have been doing that on a regular basis since then, for about two years now (we each also play tennis against other people.) At first it was just tennis, but about six months after first meeting, we began talking more together plus emailing back & forth a lot (he lives about 30 minutes away from me), talking about politics, sports, travel, etc. Plus we began spending more time together doing things besides tennis: going out to eat, exploring the area, going to sports events, etc.

He told me that shortly before we met, he had been transferred by his job to this area. Also told me he'd been divorced for a while and had been dating on & off, but hadn't been in any serious relationships since his divorce. From the beginning, I never knew if he was actually involved with anyone or dating at all, but that didn't matter as long as we were just playing tennis. However, right after we started doing other things together, he also started giving me lots of compliments on my looks, my hair, complimenting me on getting in good shape (I'd been increasing my workouts & losing some weight.) So it seemed like he was getting interested in something more happening and I also started feeling attracted to him. That's even though previously I had seen him simply as another tennis player & maybe just a friend. (Also, while he's a nice-looking guy & young-looking for his age, when we first met, for a few reasons, he didn't seem like my physical "type".) Hey, I think we're both kind of shy & maybe at that point, both of us felt a little awkward because we'd just been just "friends" for so long & had never "flirted" with each other before. (Plus, not sure about him, but had been a while for me since I'd been involved with anyone or even just dated anyone, so I was out of practice!)

Well, months later, just over a year ago on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, he and I were exploring the downtown area here, had a nice lunch together, took a long walk & then sat outdoors talking. Not sure why I did it, but I impulsively leaned up against him & told him how much I was enjoying his company & that I was going to miss him while he was away the next week (he travels for his job every few weeks.) It was just a little gesture, but he didn't react the way I would have liked. Instead, he just seemed uncomfortable and after a moment said that he hadn't been seeking a relationship for quite a while since at any time, his job might transfer him to another location or another state (something that had been happening every few years.) At least that's my memory of what he said-- at the time I was a little in shock about what I had said & done, plus in shock that I was the first one to make a move & then had been rejected by him (though this "rejection" was done very gently... )

Now it's been over a year ago since that happened. Right afterwards, it felt very awkard spending time with him. But somehow we got "past it" and went back to playing tennis, emailing/talking & doing other things together. However, we've never talked about what happened that day. I've been tempted to bring it up & ask him more about it, but have always held back. (And he hasn't been transferred by his job since then, he's still living in this area... ) I know he has a right to be interested in being friends only, nothing more, for whatever reason. But I wonder about this-- am I just not his type? or he has his own issues? or maybe he's involved with someone else? (but if that was the case, how is he able to spend so much time with me during evenings and weekends, just the times when a SO would expect to see him?) And I often wonder whether we should have just stopped seeing each other completely after that "incident" last year, that maybe our friendship was "tarnished" by it? Since last year I haven't had any success meeting anyone new for dating and I still feel attracted to him, though I try to "suppress" it (and the attraction varies in intensity from day to day, isn't always the same.)

A while ago, for my birthday he treated me to a baseball game & dinner (Usually we either pay our own way or take turns paying for things, but was different this time.) He & I still have great conversations together, joke around & enjoy laughing at similar things. But there's no flirting going on & he only occasionally gives me a compliment (though we're still very supportive of each other & encourage each other about things happening in our lives.) But guess I've been placed in the dreaded "Friend-Zone". Hey, in the past I've had male platonic friends, I've enjoyed that type of friendship before. But the difference is that those past platonic friendships had no messy attraction complicating things.

Recently, a female friend told me I should just enjoy the friendship with him without hoping for anything more... but lately I've been feeling frustrated when I spend time with him even when things are going fine. More & more, being with him reminds me of how I was "rejected" by him over a year ago. And maybe having him in my life prevents me from making stronger efforts to meet someone else for a romantic relationship? So now I'm wondering whether I should stop seeing him completely-- stop playing tennis together, stop talking and just end the friendship? And if ending things, how to handle this? just "fade away"? or give him some reasons why? Would appreciate some feedback or advice...

[Maple1714]

You should stop being his friend immediately. You should tell him in a kind/calm way "I have romantic feelings for you. I want to date you and have a romantic relationship with you. If you don't have those types of feelings for me please let me know now and I will move on"....something like that. Simple and to the point. You can't have a successful platonic friendship with a man you are attracted to. What's the point? Every time you hang out with him you are constantly reminded of when he rejected you before. Don't do that to yourself. If he even senses at all that you like him in a romantic way, he is not being a real friend to you by hanging out with you all the time either. Just tell him how you feel and see what he says. If he doesn't feel the same way go no contact.