Hi everyone! It's been a little more than a year that my boyfriend and I are together now, and I'm his first real girlfriend. However, I'm not the first girl he fell for, and the thing is... I can't accept it. It's been a long time and I'm still jealous of the first girl he loved, kissed, and held hands with. I know it's crazy, because he told me plenty of times he didn't love her anymore, nor he missed her, and nor he would like to date her again if she'd come back (because yes, she moved). He sometimes like to visit her blog (maximum twice per month) because she posts cool stuff and because she's not living here anymore (so they never talk) and he likes to have some news; which I think is normal, since she's been his first everything (if I can say that). But I'm still jealous nevertheless. And it's killing me.
He's really tired of me talking about her and asking him the same questions over and over again, but I can't help it. I don't know how to get over it, and I'm scared to lose him one day. I also can't help looking at his Internet history, just to see when was the last time he went on her blog and stuff. He found out about it and he's been really disappointed. Which I think is normal, too.
I don't know what to do. I just don't. See, it's really hard for me to keep my mind from drifting to the image of him gazing into her eyes, while telling her how beautiful she is and how much she means to him. It's so difficult for me to stop thinking about how her smile has once been the reason he smiled, and that he loved her almost more than he loves me now. I guess I'm just afraid there was something in her that's lacking in me.
Any advice? Please...