Ex back in my life but still not 100% ready for it

[Simpo]

So basically earlier this year my ex broke up with me. I decided the best way for me to recover was to go down the no contact route which did work for a long time. I then met a girl online, traveled to go met her, ended up having sex, I returned home and realised she wasn't for me and broke up with her. Just after I broke up with her my ex moved back up to near me for Uni.

We decided to meet up for a coffee and to catch up and talk about an event that we booked together while we were still going out (which I thought was a bad idea but good at the same time). It was surprisingly not that awkward and I actually enjoyed it. She has a bf now and was trying to be happy for her for moving on and what not. After we had talked for a while I drove her back to her flat and she said she would like me to meet her flatmate and see her new flat so I decided it couldn't hurt. So went in met her friend, seen her flat and talked some more about what she had been up to and a couple of deep sensitive topics about her parents and health. After all this I drove home feeling that yea we could be friends and was happy for a change.

The next day she text me saying she was seeing her bf and was excited and I wasn't too fazed by this. So just carried out my day as normal happy that I can possibly be friends with my ex since we have a lot in common and just fun to be around. Then night came and I was getting ready for bed and out of nowhere a flood of emotions and feelings came back as I realised that I was going to bed alone while she had a bf to curl up with in bed and just feel loved. Now I don't know how I feel and really got mixed feelings.

I think I may need to cut her out of my life for a bit longer until I feel ready to be her friend. Any one have experience with this or any words of advice? Just feeling pretty damn confused by my feelings.

(I know being friends with ex is frowned upon, I am aware that cutting her out completely would solve this but I can't due to the event in November and I do want to hang out with her on a friend level due to similar interests, I can't not go to the event this is not an option, I want to be JUST her friend but struggling to control my feelings)

[SweetCielo]

It sounds like you're more jealous that she's moved on quicker than you have, than you are jealous of her new boyfriend having her. Can you get beyond those initial feelings of jealousy or will you allow it to consume you? Why aren't you dating? Or are you?

There's nothing wrong with how you're feeling. It's normal actually. But you should be able to not focus on that negative aspect, or go back to NC by excusing yourself from the friendship in a graceful way

Good luck!!!

[Simpo]

I am probably a bit jealous of the fact she has moved on quick but so did I but my relationship was a rebound and failed where hers is going well. I am trying to date but finding it hard to find someone. I think I may need to talk to her about the situation and see her view on it. I think going back to NC for a while longer may help me but can't just pull the NC thing out of nowhere and would prefer to give her an explanation behind my actions.

[LifeInflux]

Sweet is right, this flood of emotions spawns more from your loneliness specifically in the face of seeing an ex with someone. I've experienced it, I know how it is.

I once had an ex, and we were friends..... we had a mutual friend who was getting married and we were supposed to go together. At the last minute, she took her, then boyfriend.. and I was at the wedding by myself while she was there with him. It really didn't phase me at the time, too much, but as dancing happened, and I was leaving alone it was pretty painful.


It wasn't that I wanted her back specifically, I was just sad at the time that I was alone. Dating, even if you don't find one person that you're ecstatic about.. but the act of dating will help. Try a few different avenues.. meet ups, online dating sites, frequent places that you enjoy and see if you can meet women there. Just getting some movement will make you feel better.

[Simpo]

thanks, I did try a relationship with a girl long distance between breaking up with my ex and seeing her again but I broke up with her a week before seeing my ex so that may factor into my loneliness.

(please note that my ex wasn't not the reason i broke up with the girl, it was due to distance, age, maturity and to protect her from thinking she loved me and her not needing the same closeness and affection as me)

[amour.infini]

I think what your going through is natural. Its hard to see an ex move on. That may be why people frown upon having an ex as a friend. Another way to look at it is, maybe your not so much upset that your ex has moved on and has some one, rather, you are ready and want what you see she has. That is some one to be with. I think this happens to a lot of people in different ways. Example: being in a room full of couples and your the only one there alone. Same type of effect. If its too upsetting to see your ex with some one new then maybe you should stop contact again till you are 100% ready. In time you will be okay with how things are and then you can venture into being friends again. You mentioned you meet up with a person you meet online, so you have been getting out there again. Maybe you should try dating more. Like go on a few dates a week / month. Just get into the habit of meeting new people really. Just remember being alone is not a bad thing. If you want some one in your life, and you are actively seeking, It will happen in time. Good luck to you!

[Simpo]

thank you for the advice, appreciate it. I really hope that is the case and I believe your right with the no contact thing. I think removing her from facebook may solve a lot of my problems since seeing constant reminders of her with her new bf is playing with me a bit and seeing her happy is a good thing don't get me wrong but part of me still wishes it was me or I had someone in my life to make me happy if that makes sense

[pogeybait4883]

It sounds to me as if you were on the right track originally with no contact. Coming from my own experiences I can tell you that it is difficult to be around an ex when you still have feelings for them. Perhaps you should stay away from her for a while until you are able to move on and let your feelings for her diminish.