Should I break up my 27 y/o "friend's" engagement?

[justaheartbeat]

Alex, for the longest time, His dad was my squash coach and he was my first proper crush. For 4 years, we spoke lightly. But I was young and it was friendly. And he was engaged. When I was 14, I moved to Amsterdam. Then when I turned 16, he messaged a few times and then things happened and he was in Scotland doing med school. He asked if he could come visit. I had said yes, and he came. For a week, and we talked and still were only friends. Then, he left. And I never knew if I’d see him again because he was back off to St. John’s, Newfoundland. And I never thought I’d go back. September of 2010, I was back home. And so was he. So we talked on Facebook often, and we were friends. But his engagement had broken off before became to visit me. And he was a different person. He was more of a challenge. A dare, y’know? Mean. But true. So eventually he asked for my number and we texted daily for all if 2011. Over the summer, we planned our vacations at the same time so that we wouldn’t miss a day of seein each other. On that trip, he told me he liked me. But I was 9 years his junior, and that stopped us. But September we started being unofficial but I was always scared of his rep and that I’d ruin it. On my birthday, march 2012, he broke up with me. April 1st 2013 he met Nancy, And November they got engaged. He never told me, I heard it from a mutual friend. Anyways, January I told him I lied and that I still love him. That he can’t get married. And he said I was too late, so I asked if we could stop talking. So the feelings can go away. He said he’d miss me too much, and he’d become my habit. And he was right. He is. Last night we threw a small dinner and he was invited (my family don’t know about us). When I went to the driveway to get to my car, he pulled in. Asked where I was going, I said to pick up my cousin. He said he’d drive. So I sat in his car for a good half hour and in that moment I felt like everything was right. He walked Into my house, and hugged my parents like my boyfriend would have. We sat besides each other and spoke and giggled and laughed. And then he left. And reality hit. Hard. This morning, my mum who knows nothing said “when you two sat there, and he touched you and whispered to you… I could’ve sworn he was in love with you. Not nancy.” And so did my dad. And my co-workers have said the same. All of which nobody knew the situation. So… It can’t be just me, can it? And if it isn’t, why am I heartbroken and alone? please help. So, is it right for me to stay in silence and ignore it? Or is it right for me to fight for him and possibly be the cause of an engagement break up?

[Wiggin]

You've told him how you feel, he responded in a less than favorable way. I think you should leave it. The man is engaged and it isn't to you - it doesn't matter what you or others perceive his feelings to be. He has his reasons for making the choice he's making and it isn't your place to tell him he's wrong for feeling differently just because you deem it so. I would just move on - cut off contact and find someone more suitable to you.

[searock]

Why is this in the "teenagers love forum"? How old are you?

Oh, never mind, I just realized you said you're 9 years younger than him. How about you find someone closer to your age? He's a creep anyway, I mean what 25 year old flirts with 16 year old kids?!

[smackie9]

You are alittle too young to be playing an adults game. Stay in school and chase after boys not men.

[HeartIsAching]

You're quite the selfish little girl, aren't you? You want to throw a temper tantrum and try to break his engagement up because you can't have your way?

I can guarantee that if you do that and he really does love his fiancee, he won't thank you for it, he'll hate you. Is that what you want?

[basilandthyme]

I think you're overestimating your own abilities

[smackie9]

I really hope this guy doesn't teach school kids or does volunteer work for youth groups.

[Starnique]

Lmao*******

[Rowen]

Age difference aside (I can't talk about it being bad because I used to do a lot worse when I was 16, but that's another story... :S), how would you feel if you were engaged to him and someone decided to split you up just so they could be with him? I bet you'd be devastated, wouldn't you? Is that what you want to do....hurt someone else? The act of breaking anyone up is truly wretched if you think about it...

Not to mention, if you really loved him, you'd let him go. Why? Because he's a ****ing human being with feelings- not a god damn piece of property you can shit on to mark your territory, sweetheart. If you love someone, you want the best for them- want to give, not just get. And as a human being, he has a CHOICE. He CHOSE to ask Nancy out. He CHOSE to ask her to marry him.... He's made his choice. Now, you have to deal with that.

There's a quote by Stephen King I'd like you to hear... It goes: "Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes they win."
Don't let your inner monster win...make peace with the situation and move on. The right man will come along. It's all in the timing.

[Owmyhead]

So? My dad is 9 years older than my mom.

[searock]

So? My dad is 9 years older than my mom.

How old were they when they met, though? 9 years is a lot when you're a teenager or in your early 20s...

[HeartIsAching]

exactly. My wife is 5 years older'n me. Not so much a big deal when we met (22 and 27) or when we got married (42 and 47) but definitely a big deal if she'd been 18 and me 13.

[Rowen]

I would say it depends where you are maturity-wise....but, again, that's just my opinion, and in no way am I condoning any type of pedophilia (like a 30 year-old going for a 12 year-old). I'd say you really shouldn't date till about 15-16...but again- just my opinion.

[sara12345]

You guys don't really have a ton going for you guys, so I would say even though its hard, just try and let go.

[basilandthyme]

Sara, please stop digging up all the old posts. The original posters are long gone