ok, so this is pretty complicated...

[Wakeup]

"You & I both know the type of person I am. I want to be able to do what I want. I want to be free. I want to have a relationship where you and I both feel comfortable to share each other with other people. Because we love each other, and are secure with each other. Without jealousy. Jealousy will be the end of us. But darlin, besides all that, as monogomous as you are, I love you more than anything and anyone. I love you and want to be with YOU! It completely goes against everything that I believe in but I don't care!"

You seem to be defensive and rather dense. If you want to stay with her, then learn what ya gotta do to keep her.

Did you read the link on Compersion and Polyamory or are you just here to talk smack? If you can't adjust, let go of your need to control, then leave her now because no matter what we say encouraging or discouraging, you will not be happy,happy,happy.

if i said i don't want you to do this, then i'm very confident that she wouldn't do it.

No you're not. You're not seeming to be confident about anything, really.

i'm just looking for some help in either growing to accept it,

Then read the link and educate yourself instead of getting defensive and smarmy. Along with the link provided there are several others on "compersion" and how to deal with your control issues, jealousy, fear, etc. Just google Polyamory and Compersion and start educating yourself. It will give you the mental tools you need to "grow to accept it."


http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/images/COMPERSION.pdf

[TablesandChairs]

Every now and then we meet people who really differ from us in some fundamental area of life - often, they offer an interesting perspective on something and while you may not agree or would not consider living your life in that way, you might think 'Hmm that's interesting'.

But we don't enter into relationships with people who differ from us in very key areas because one person in that union will end up unhappy. If you tell her to become monogamous, she'll resent you - she wants 100% no strings attached, married or not. If you accept her preference, you'll become a mess eventually. This isn't a case of her preferring strawberry jam over apricot jam...it's a big compatibility issue.

If you think this is something you can accept, go for it. If you think she'll change, well...maybe, but I doubt it'd be a permanent change.

Secondly, what she says about jealousy and so forth (and sort of belittling your monogamy) is a sly way of making you feel stupid - you're not in the wrong, nor is she in the right. She's not some enlightened goddess because she thinks it's great to sleep around...it's just a preference.

[Agnus]

You know now how it feels when you are betrayed. That's why marrying a virgin is always the best choice. Thus you can make sure that any skeletons from her closet won't bother you. And the virgin should be Mary of course because holy. Thus you can pick somebody up in a convent, I guess. At least nuns worship Jesus in a very sexual way. I saw that myself when I volunteered.

[paradiseruby]

Dear Few,
I think you both have very different fundamental outlooks on sexual needs and on what the definition of marriage means. I've pondered that question many times myself, "can one love more then one person in their life, and are humans really meant to be in a monagomous relationship?"as it seems divorce is rampant, however I always go back to believing, loving one person is imperative. Your wife has very free-open style of loving...if you really love her you will have to 'settle' for this, or not 'settle' for her lifestyle. I think you both didn't date long enough to clarify to each other the definition of marriage, otherwise you really didnt need to get married, she could've gone back to her country, and you would visit occassionally? I honestly think, eventually this would destroy you, or would require a long time before you could wrap your mind around it....how does she feel about you having an open relationship, that is if you started loving more than one person?