i love her more than anything but lost her :( help

[HarryN]

hey, i joined this so that i can search out for help, i desperately need it, my life is hanging to it
i dont know what do anymore
i love her from all my heart
we are in a real long distance relationship
but it worked like as we were there with each other holding hands.
i went through really bad phase last year, lot of problems hatred and anger consumed me
in those i pushed her away slowly over and over and now she is back with her ex who is also online
earlier she was with him just as a friend
but that made me mad and i went all fighting since that
crying and begging for her to come back,
we both have tried to walk away from each other but it only hurt us even more than staying,
in those tries she has fallen for him, loves him more, more over me and i feel like ive lost her completely, i know ive :'(
and by each passing day she went closer to him and away from me
the more she went away the more i got sad, i know she is the one for me
but now she doesnt love me anymore and i cant live a second without her
ive made sacrifices and accepted whatever she wants now
im just her friend now but i love her like she is my everything and this separation is killing me
ive hurt her over and over and pushed her i know i was wrong and i cant forgive myself
its been over five months since that and ive tried to be a better man ever since proved her on and on
but down the line she feels im pushing her
what shall i do please help

[DalM0m]

I am very sorry you are hurting.

OL relationships don't do much for me & I can't claim to fully understand them but I do acknowledge that they are very real to many people.

What realistic options to you have to be together IRL? Do you have any immediate plans to go to where she is? Can you move there & get work? If so, tell her you are coming for a visit & you would like to discuss everything in person. If she says no, you have to respect that & move on. If her relationship with her EX who she has told you that she loves more than you is IRL as opposed to only OL, you have to respect that & back off.

If you can get her to a agree to a meeting & it is possible for you to maintain a relationship IRL, talk to her about making plans to move forward.

If this is a no go, you have to give yourself time to grieve for the loss of the relationship but you have to keep moving forward in your own life. Pursue a favorite hobby. Take up a new one. Keep busy & give it time. Slowly but surely you will heal & find a new person to love.

Whether it's with her or someone else, learn from you past mistakes & don't be so quick to push someone away.

[mollymari]

The loss of someone you feel completely in love with is a deep struggle difficult to overcome but it can be done.

In this day and age of on line dating and long distance relationships, there is so much room for daydreaming about the other and wow, do they ever look good. Then real life comes and the transition can be a slap in the face.
Without knowing more such as, were you two ever living together, able to see each other on a regular basis, how long have you two been together, it is difficult offering advice.
But let me let you in on a little secret. In this age of cyber space connections, there is something very romantic and personal about receiving a hand written letter sent through the old postal service that really seems to bring it on home. It's that extra effort that comes through more so than by some text or email or that flippin face book social darwinistic twisted little site.

If you truly feel you love this girl, write her an old fashioned letter and tell her how you feel. It will help you feel better and show her that you really mean it.

[HarryN]

thing is, we never been together irl due to the huge distance..
sounds naive but thats what it is, i know her very well so does she
its been over year with each other before break up
i mean im willing to go there to meet her to be with her
but it would take time
and her nature is like she is afraid to meet any guy in person
the person whom she is with is also ol based
for her i want to change that and be the one
i didnt pushed her that quick or anything it was slow and gradual in btw of my hard phase i sont know what to say

[DalM0m]

Then try mollymari's suggestion & writer her an actual letter sent via the post.

[smackie9]

You may feel hopeless and hurt but the reality is you will live without her, you will be with someone better and you will forget about her.....it will take time but it's going to happen.

[HarryN]

but we still talk and still are with each other, just she has now fallen for him..
we arent able to avoid each other
i know i might live alone, llive without her
it is certain i wont be able to find one like her
but thats certain as well that i cant love wthout her anymore
and for her i can do anything, that how much i love her

so for now, what shall i do?

[mollymari]

Chalk it up to a life experience Harry and embrace the fact that you have a heart.
Rest in the fact that time will help.....

and as for, 'what shall I do now', well, I suggest spending a little more time outside, get some new activities, healthy ones and for goodness sake, find a coffee shop or some cozy speak easy type place and do some writing, get out and meet some people in the flesh.
good luck, you can do this.