Feeling insecure

[atir12]

I don't know if I'm just being a drama queen about this, but I can't let this feeling of inferiority go and I need to vent. Today I was talking to my boyfriend and we were talking about how society defined attractiveness in the male and female bodies. We then proceeded to talk about my body and how I feel insecure about it. I'm fully aware I'm not the hottest and most beautiful girl in the planet and I told him that it bothers me that he thinks the same thing (that I'm not a top model). Of course this is ridiculous on my part because I AM aware of it. However, even knowing this is just me being insecure, I can't help but feel bothered by it.

I try to be as honest with him as I can so I told him what was going on in my head: that whenever we are together, I think that he could be doing these things with hotter girls and he just told me: "I already had that chance and I told her to piss off" which, obviously, didn't make me feel any better because I took that as him admitting his ex-girlfriend is more attractive than I am. He told me he wasn't uncomfortable with my body at all and that he liked it and didn't understand why I felt uncomfortable because he thinks I am beautiful, "even though I'm not a super model". He told me I was ignoring the emotional toll of our relationship and that, to him, I was the best of the best, emotionally speaking, and that I "complete" him in a way no other has ever done.

I believe him, really, I do, but this is my first relationship and I think I'm letting my inexperience and insecurities affect me, because I feel threatened by this. I wanted him to find the most attractive girl and I wanted him to think I look better than his ex. And a few months ago, before we got physical with each other, he mentioned some things he didn't like in a female body and I have some of those things. My question is: girls, is it normal to be aware we are asking for impossible things but to still suffer with this? And guys, if you truly love a girl, does she become the hottest girl in the world or is that just wishful thinking and a fairytale perspective? Thanks.

[FeelingUsed]

Men are happy just getting you naked. When you love someone you love them their faults and all. You have to be comfortable with yourself to allow this love in. You also have the ability to build your confidence, start eating right and exercise... these are two things that you can do for yourself, not for him.

I think in the end if you keep focusing on your own faults all you are doing is putting them center stage which will only make them more pronounced and degrade the relationship. You should be focusing on how he makes you feel and how he loves you.

It might be best to talk to a councelor about your feelings to help you work these insecurities out

[smackie9]

You sound young....how you feel is normal, even the most fittest and attractive feel just as insecure as you. We are bombarded by TV ads etc of beautiful people, but we all know we are not perfect, which makes life much more interesting, because beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. Women through the ages have their struggles with appearance because genetically we are competing for a mate, and keep them to help us raise our children and support us.

In time you as you mature, and get more experience you will develop an appreciation for who you are.

[dem862]

To him, you are the most beautiful woman (available). If she isn't available, she is irrelevant.

[atir12]

Thank you everyone. I am young, I'm in my early twenties and this is my first relationship. He had a sort of relationship with this other girl and I guess I just feel insecure and threatened because she is gorgeous and he is more experienced than I am. The thing is that I'm aware this is solely my issue but I still get mad that he tells me (even if indirectly) that other girls are hotter and that I'm not a super model. It's weird, but I guess I just have to learn how to deal with this and it's frustrating when I know I'm being unfair but can't seem to get around this.

[smackie9]

If he makes a comment like "My friend has a new GF, she's pretty good looking" or "Lots of cuties came in today at at my work." or "I have to say (famous person/ actress/singer) is pretty damn hot" are just that comments and not by any means is he "comparing you to any of them.

[atir12]

Yes, I know. I do the same thing with boys and I'm not comparing them to him in any way. This is just insecurity, I hope this will change as our relationship becomes stronger and as I mature and gain some more experience. I feel bad because I want this to change, but can't seem to snap out of it. But thank you very much, smackie

[smackie9]

Here's a tip: Talk about other things that bring enjoyment like favorite foods or places you would like to travel to, etc.