Compounded Frustration

[Chopin]

I am experiencing a problem that is getting very frustrating. Let me tell you the whole story:

I met this girl at college about three months ago, and we have been interacting somewhat since then. She has a boyfriend that she has had for over a year and is currently living with. However, she has told me that he has cheated on her numerous times, and that there are other underlying problems (like communication problems) in the relationship. I have tried to talk to her about it, but it has been really hard. I invited her to lunch on Monday to talk, but she brought her boyfriend with her (making it a little hard to talk about it...). On top of this, she has severe abandonment issues and is seeming to sweep their relationship problems under the rug.

That leads me to my question – how do I get her to understand that the relationship she is in is unhealthy, and that she should break up with him? And is it right for me to do so? I generally don't concern myself with these problems, but it is clear to me that she has been experiencing a lot of emotional problems as a result of his cheating.

Any and all advice here would be really helpful, because I don't know what to do anymore.

And no, I am not sexually interested in her. I am an asexual, and it hasn't even come to mind (although I'm not “opposed” to a platonic relationship).

[Chopin]

Really? No one has anything to say? I am very confused here.

[4 ratties]

Yeah go ahead and ask her why she would lower herself to be so codependent with this cheater. Sounds like her self worth is in the toilet. I'm sure she knows what's right, she just doesn't have the strength to do the right thing. What a pity. People rather stay with a ****ed up person then just be single and become a better person. Then they get pregnant. Poor kids. Very sad.

[DalM0m]

You stay out of it. She wants a sympathetic ear. She doesn't want you to solve her problem.

When she is ready to leave him, she will. You can't make her, even if it's for her own good.

[Chopin]

I keep going back and forth on that idea. It's just he's going to have to do a lot worse before she'd ever break up with him, and that deeply concerns me, considering what he's already done. I'll just lay low until that happens.

[BobxMarley]

You stay out of it. She wants a sympathetic ear. She doesn't want you to solve her problem.

When she is ready to leave him, she will. You can't make her, even if it's for her own good.

DalM0m is right. Some people cant help themselves. I assure you she has to do it on her own. You can show her the bridge but she has to walk over it. The best thing you can do is voice your opinion once, and leave it alone. Then, if she continues to complain to you about him, be blunt and tell her you are not interested in talking about it with her if she is unwilling to take action. She has been conditioned to stay in situations like this to seek attention.