very confused

[put_name_here]

Sorry if this is incoherent... I my brain works faster than I type...
Story - I was dating someone who I began to feel very close to. It was a couple of months and everything was going great. at the one month mark, her baby's father showed up. He hadn't been around since a few months after he got her pregnant on purpose, "getting her back" for something - wtf who does that? that was just over 3 years ago. So she was very happy with me and then he stated seeing the baby and going over to her house more and more. I have no reason to beleive they were intimate, but she broke it off with me about one month later. She said a few things about daddy issues and being afraid of her feelings for me because she felt vulnerable. She said she needed some time to herself. ok.. i accepted that. The we talk, she comes over for a one nighter, and it was clear that that was all it was.. Though when I hit her up for the same, sh doesn't respond, and gets back to me a week later "she's been so busy".. ummmm k? so of course during htat week only the most negative thoughts go through my head... then she texts me and then just stops responding after a few replies, for another week. So I just feel like shit the whole month of september.... the only time that she does respond is to give me "badf news"... I think i still have feelings for him, and we kissed. and then more recently "he wants to try us out" I'm like why are you telling me? let me go or let him go...

finally get to the bottom of it all. She wants a family for her daughter, and she thinks he deserves a second chance becasue he's "changed" and whatever other fouled logic she has.. Dude is a POS... ran out on her and a baby.. no support, no contact, even though he know exactly where she lives and her number ahasnt changed.

My problem - Some of you may say the best thing to do is let it go... beleive me I have thought about it, more than once. But she still seems interested in me. She is super busy- she just moved, her mom is starting major problems for her, she works all day and goes to the gym, has to tend to the baby and I understand all that. Now that she is settled into her place (been a week) she is talking to me more, and has invited me over ( I cooked for her and her daughter Saturday) and is happy to go on an outing with me.
Another problem is that I brain is always moving. I am pretty damn smart and I have ADHD so I visualize a lot of scenarios very quickly, but unfortunately over and over agian... -_-... I like her more than I've liked anyone (maybe love?) I DO NOT cry. But for her I have shed tears on a few occasions just thinking what could have been. At first I thought I was the ex that just wasn't letting go. But she tells me that i am perfect but that her daughter comes before her, and that she doesnt want her not to have a dad like she didn't. I get that but I don't think she realizes that he can be her dad and still visit (if he really cares enough), while she is romantically involved with me. I have a son 1 year older than her daughter and she knows that I am, and can be, a great father. I am divorced from his mother because she was emotionally and then physically abusive to me. We got married when I was 19 her 20, and had a baby a year and a half later. I tried staying for him but I was not healthy for any of us. I see him 3 nights a week and take him out alternating sundays. so please don't tell me I am too young for this love stuff lol. If I was 17 and saying all this then i'd expect it...

Do y'all think biological fathers should be the first choice? I am sure there are plenty of step fathers that are much better dads. I don't mind stepping up to the plate at all (or I never would have gotten together with her).
Also, I am a "good guy". and to be honest I am better than him in everyway. He is a downgrade in every sense of the word. The choice is very obvious but, like I said she thinks her baby daddy is the best candidate for the position.
But, being that "good guy" and not a "bad boy", my first instinct is to run after what i've lost. I do not know how to balance NC while still letting her know I am interested. I do not want to give up or let her walk away. These are the strongest feelings I've ever had for anyone including my ex wife. We are just so compatible and everything jsut feels... right. So, no, I don't want to just let go... I will when she tells me she made her choice.
Or do y'all think i am being dumb?

I have told her a bit of my thoughts on the subject, asked her why she would give up a diamond for a rock, and told her I had already known that being a father to her daughter was expected if this turned into forever, and that I was happy to do it.

I am looking for somethings to say to her to sway her this way. Some arguments agianst her baby daddy. Some advice on how to act uninterested. That's all i hear is, "dont chase, act like you don't care and it will make her want you more" and I've seen that on all the "how to pick up women" ads... (and no I dont need help picking up women, I've just seen the ads lol) but is this truly how it's done?

Just FYI - I just turned 26, she will be turning 24 in dec, and her baby daddy is 24/5. her baby is 3 mine is 4. they were never married or anything. I know exactly what I want in a woman (call me picky?) and she fits the bill.. I havent come across a flaw yet She is definitely someone worth pursuing. She doesn't know how much pain I have had over the last 45 days So I don't think she is stringing me along or playing games - but genuinely confused.

Ask me anything, details, clarification, or whatever you need to wrap your heads around my mess...

Thanks in advance

[put_name_here]

nothing? something?

[Benzariah]

Many women give chances to the father of their baby. Whether it's right or wrong, it's her decision and you just have to respect it. Maybe you know the outcome of all of this and even though you might know the type of person that he his, don't pressure your opinion on her because she will see it on her own one day. She obviously has some sort of feelings towards him if she admitted to them and to kissing him. Are you okay with that? She's experimenting him out, but keeping you on the side in case it doesn't work out with him. Greedy.

[put_name_here]

I can forgive the kiss... not more than that though... will I ever know if it went further? no. can I live with her saying she didn't? yes... And yes the thought that I am a backup plan is definitely buzzing around my head and I don't like it. But if she figures it out and decides to get back together, then I would be very happy, so I don't want to push her away just yet... does that sound logical or am I just being blind?

[Benzariah]

Even if something happened on more of an intimate level, you wouldn't know about it. If you don't want to push her way, then don't, but you have a life to live as well. She can't keep leading you on. Look at yourself, you're emotionally torn apart, it's not fair. You are a bit blind, somewhat logical, but you know best. I think any advice that is going to be offered to you will be ignored due to the fact that you love this woman and you are ready to forgive her for all her faults. If you want to be happy, take some time to yourself and actually think about the whole situation. Don't stress yourself or over think things because often times, things are much simpler than they appear to be.