LDR Break up

[chemman]

I'm not sure how to start this topic, Since this is the first time asking for help online. But I will start from the beginning I suppose. I'm from NY and 2 years ago I met a girl from Venezuela. I won't go to details how, but we became friends (penpals i would say) we began talking and to my surprise we had so much in common. It was strange at first, since having a friend outside the US was completely new. Nevertheless we used FB to start some random chats about global affairs, and how are days went and what our interests were. Around new years eve 2012 after 2 months of online interaction i felt like this girl was someone i could connect with. It was strange to me because i never felt like this for someone i have never physically seen. Prior to new years eve we've started to call each other. I was nervous because i didn't know what to expect( dangerous of cyber pedophiles are real i wasn't stupid lol) but i played it safe. When i first heard her voice i nearly fainted. It was so soothing and so innocent. She was a year younger than me. I was nervous, but eventually she took me out of my comfort zone. I do not now how she did it but i felt like it was the right thing. We began to call each other for weeks around 4 times a week. My parents and her parents were strict. Especially my parents they would kill me if they find out I've been taking to a person that i have no physical connection to. Nevertheless i did it behind their backs. The thing i loved about her was that she understood me. During the time of our first months speaking i was shy, and conservative. I didn't like to give out to much of myself. I was and am more of a school geek. In a sense that i really adore science. chemistry to be exact. And as time went on i spilled to her the plans i had in store for myself. I want to become a chemical engineer and she planned to become a physics professor.(I'll get back to this soon) anyways during new years we spent hours talking on the phone and texting. I was at a new years party and I'm sure she was too. When the ball dropped in NY and 2013 had arrived she texted me (we stopped our call because of family issues) that she loved me. And i was amazed. I'm never the type of guy the make impulsive decisions, i like to take it slow and view all the possible outcomes and the best decisions to make people happy. But i loved her too. 3 months have passed so far, and i felt a connection with this girl that was overpowered any sort of relationship i had with anyone during that time. I told her i loved her too. And we spent pictures of each other smiling and with some other people celebrating new years. It was fun. During the next year we have worked on our LDR to make it last as much as possible. Our reason? Well it was based on the desire that she would come the US day, either that or I would visit her. We would Skype each other atleast once a day or a call once a day, if this wasn't possible we would send a voice message. We had this dream that she would go to college in NY and study physics. I would be in Columbia studying engineering and we would buy an apartment in NY and live there accomplishing our desires together. Some might say this is silly, but my dreams in becoming an engineer is far from being just a vision now( I'm a senior in HS now.) anyways how did we manage to keep or communication in check? Well as we were developing our relationship together we developed a sense of trust. I trust her more than I trust my parents. I know its strange. And I'm sure she trusts me as well considering that we have spent almost a year and a half together talking about our secrets and exploring each others mind. My parents are not to fond of me spending to much time with computers and electronics. They prefer if go old fashion with books. The reason is since during that year I was always on my phone or computer in contact with this girl. I had to make an excuse for my prolong usage. They thought I was addicting to online gaming. And I let them believe that. It was really hard on me because I wanted to tell them the truth, but I knew if I did the contact I had with this girl will surely disappear. (zip no WiFi or phone). So my parents were constantly furious with Me, talking away my computer and phone and snickering at me, for playing to many gamings. And sure I did play some gamins from time to time as recreation, it was not to a level as addiction as I lead then to me. So I used this as my cover. There were times where I had almost no contact with this girl for weeks, but luckily I went to the library or used my neighbors WiFi . She was understanding, and I felt absolutely terrible. She didn't deserve this, and I guess this is the point where I started feeling guilty. As time went on my parents loosened up. I think they had suspicions I was talking to someone, because I would talk and laugh loudly when I would Skype this girl. I told my cousin what has been going on and I think he told my parents and that's why they've been more relaxed. But I'm not sure. During these Skype calls we would talk to each other, sing to each other, dance and laugh at our silly mistakes. Proclaim our love and how we couldn't wait to see each other. It was really something ill say, and I enjoyed it. I meant what I said, and so did she, so it really impacted me. She impacted me. She's really beautiful and generous. Helping out younger children in English, since her first language is Spanish( Spanish is my second). We would talk mostly in English and she would ask me questions and I felt silly because I was no English professor lol. Either way we weren't embarrassed about our flaws, in fact I know hers very well and she knows mine. And that's what made me love her more. I loved when she would talk in Spanish to me. Thought I wouldn't understand at times because it was to fast for me to comprehend I would just stare at the screen memorized and trying hard listen. We would help each other, and I would always tell her that in order for us to achieve our dream in meeting we must become rational people and stay in school. The old cliche saying, study study study. I guess I had a point. I would spend most of my time helping her out with writing and she would help me out in my Spanish homework lol, I would teach her some chemistry and we then proceed to skyping or calling each others to go to sleep. During December of 2012, that's when our relationship began going to the rocky side. As a LDR I began to do some research on how to make or relationship last. Statistically a LDR would last for more than a year(correct me if I'm wrong). And our activities have been heading towards the stale side. We have done everything we possibly could, we have talked, chatted, even participated in gaming to help us have more fun. and it was. But I stopped play and so did she. And our chats have become less exciting. And the stress of school work as getting to us. Getting the 5 on my APs was definitely hard work. One night she told me that if I wanted to see other people she was totally fine with it. I was confused but what she meant, and I knew not seconds later where she was going, I couldn't possibly agree to this. I loved her alot, but I understood clearly without a doubt what she meant. We had another year to go until I graduate from HS and 2 years until she did. It wasn't fair to her, she's young and she deserves a chance to go out and meet people, and I felt like I was holding her back. I had to let her go, I truly felt it was the right thing to do. I did all the research I could my hearted told me to not let her go because I really loved her, but my mind told me I had to, it was the honorable way. She wanted a break I could understand why, I thought of how this could be good for me, and possibly could for us. Weeks later we agreed to a break, and we very friendly about it. Of course this didn't work. For the next weeks she would call me and I would call her that we missed each other, we would proclaimed again how we loved each other. I knew that this was going to be hard. But I told her that since we were only teens we must experiment with other people as she told me. I told her that it'll be could for our relationship and we will come back stronger. We agreed and this time I was stern and made sure that our break was official. I felt sick for the next months, we contacted each other once a week to give updates and what not. And beginning February I began dating another girl( girl x) my ldr ex shall be known was girl y) so girl x knew nothing about girl y, however girl y new I was dating girl x. Though we did agree to a break up she dated or I think she did another guy, and I was completely fine. After a month in time I broke up with girl x, because I I couldn't get over girl y, during this time now girl y was moved on. Or I suppose I'm not sure. But I hope she's happy. I began talking to her again, and since she's very outgoing and fun to be around her friends began to pressure her to do things that I didn't really approve of. Not that I had any say, since we broke up, or never really got back together after the break. She would message me and ask for advice, and I would tell her the best advice I could, I think her friends are bad influences on her, since some of them tried to per sued her to smoke pot. And since that can escalate quickly over there, I'm no sure what her "friends" are going to smoke next.. I have some friends that smoke pot but its different here. I don't, I prefer to keep my body clean, thought I know pot is medically safe, and save some important uses. I don't medically need it so I don't really have any interest. But like I said girl y lives in Venezuela so idk what her friends are capable of. Anyways I told her the precautions she should take, and the facts and science terms behind the usage of pot. I explained to her the risks, and she did not smoke it. Or so I believe anyways. During that time she liked a boy from her school, and even though I wanted to tell her I wanted her back, I didn't. I let her be. It wouldn't be fair she needed a break.as time went on we began to lose connections and messaged each other once a month :c. Around late August I told her I loved her and wanted her back. She denied me. And told me she moved on like I moved on. But I didn't moved on u.u I just never told her until then. We don't speak to each other anymore. I've gotten one message saying happy birthday and I've sent her one too around August. Then some single messages wishing each other good luck In School. And that's about it. I've been having this urge to message her lately. But I'm terrified of getting rejected twice. I still have some feelings, or maybe some curiosity about her. Who knows I'm confused. Part of me wants to move on. The other part wants to take another shot. I've been think ling of getting a job, and buying a ticket to Venezuela, obviously I will be telling my parents and I this will possibly occur next year August 2014 when I'm 18, but this is all a plan as of now. I have no connection now with her now. We've become strangers and it breaks me. If I were to give it a percentage I would say I'm 85% over her. But at random times in the day I wish just wish a message would spark up.

[chemman]

I'm sorry for any grammatical errors its 1:30 at night, and I began thinking about this topic again. Im very tired and have a physics test tomorrow. And this was done on my phone :/ pardons

[basilandthyme]

Hi Chemman, any chance of some paragraph breaks? And abbreviating it somewhat?

[DalM0m]

If you can re-post this using paragraphs someone may be able to help you. I can't offer advice if I can't read your post b/c it's a solid wall of text.

[chemman]

I will once I get home

[Cerby]

I read it...all of it. There is no question at the end, nothing for us to reply to. It is a really long rant about an internet relationship that simply burned itself out. There is nothing here, and it is time for you to date someone you can physically see, touch, and be with. LDRs are tough, but LDRs where you have no plans of meeting, and no way to meet in any sort of time line are foolhardy and a waste of time.

You just need to move on, there is nothing to save here.

[Boisdevie]

I read it...all of it.

My friend, if I could email you a medal I would.