I promised I would not use this forum again, Im sad I've got my heart broken again. But I'll try to be as honest with myself i writing this.
I've worked with a friend and we would always share break times together, 2 - 3 times a day. This period has lasted for about a year and a half. I always thought she was beautiful, I always liked her without really stressing over it, everything just grew overtime, she always liked me I think too. One day she told me about her partner, that he doesn't wake up with her and help with getting the kids ready, (the kids are not his) he doesn't make her coffee, doesn't do anything for her.
So I decided to write her a letter and offer myself to her, offer my love and give it a chance, my letter was 4 pages and she accepted me. She didn't leave her partner, (its a major step I suppose). But we started to see each other, started to watch movies together, and go out. last month we went on holiday together to Riga and had a wonderful time. She seemed never sure about being with me because of her two children, she doesn't want just a relationship for 2 years, she wants a dad for her children and wants a partner for life. So its not easy to trust me, but I have said that I want to be a dad to her children, something her partner of 3 years would not say to her, her partner looked at her children as friends.
As recently as two weeks ago, she wanted to tell her partner about me. She was very scared but one day but she did. It went very badly however and her partner calls me on the phone the same night, and asks me to meet up. There were all three of us in the car, and we had a discussion, she told me to lie to him so I did, we both ended up stating we were just friends. She didn't tell him she wanted to leave him, maybe she wasn't ready.
The next day she told me that the partner had given her a choice of him or me, like a day to think about everything. We decided that I would wait for her because she was scared to leave him at this point. But after this day everything has changed, the partner has started to change his ways, he's decided to pull his weight, and he asked her children if they would like him as a dad. He's proven himself over a week, and week where I could not meet with her or really talk, because he was on holiday.
A week ago her partner must of found something in her mums bedroom, maybe a photo or something about me. That night she left work crying, and the next day she did not show up for work at all. On this day she told her partner more about me, not everything but more. The very next morning, she comes to my table and gives back the gifts I gave her for her Birthday, and my mums ring I gave to her. I felt I had to prove myself to her so I gave her a ring to show my intentions.
We met up a week ago, and she doesn't want to be with me now, she wants to lose me. She said she doesn't care for me, but also said She tried to make me hate her, (her way of dealing with it I guess) I ended up begging her not to loose everything with me. Now at work she looks very upset, maybe guilty or ashamed, or maybe about losing me. She didn't come and sit with me now, but I went to sitt with her twice last week and I just kept the conversation small. I haven't text her or begged her.
I am very very heart broken, she knows I love her, she doesn't love me I don't think but I'm sure she really cares. When I gave her my letter she told me it was like a dream. We have talked about the future of living together and buying a house together ect, she told her mum once that to end up with me would be wonderful. She has told me many times how wonderful I am, and that I can offer her more for her family. She never told me she was happy with me, maybe she wasn't... but she described me as an Angel, and she was excited to take me on Holiday, and so emotional coming home.
I want to go to her, I really do. I'm scared to leave her alone because her decision feels like a mistake. Im not sure her partner will really make her happy, her friends told me he won't. But he also wont let her go, he said he would never let her go.
I understand if she's just not into me, I can accept that. But this feels very wrong.. I am not scared of the pain I am going to feel, Im scared to lose her and scared she has made a terrible mistake. My plan is just to continue to sit with her and see what happens, but please give any advice on what to say ect. Im willing to wait along time, I would do it for her.. should I tell her that
I don't want false hope, just advice. Forget what's best for me in terms of feeling pain.