Accidentally Dodged His Kiss Even Though I REALLY Like Him. How do I Fix This?

[wildhoneypie]

Ok, so I met this guy last week and we hit it off and he invited me out for drinks. I decided I wasn't good to drive (I did not intend to get drunk on the first date, I know that's a bad move and I'm kicking myself!), so he drove me home. When he pulled up to my apartment and I unbuckled my seatbelt, I looked up at him and could tell he was about to kiss me. I leaned in closer but somehow something came over me and last minute jerked away and went in for a hug. He ended up kissing my cheek and it was super awkward. I'm pretty sure he just said, "oh." I wasn't really ready to kiss yet, maybe that's why I had that involuntary reaction, but I feel realllyyyy stupid! I got out of that car as quick as I could while still trying to be polite.

(Sidenote: I think I could have reacted that way too because my last relationship was all mind game-y and he would always demand or force a kiss on me whenever he took me home, so maybe it was just like flashbacks to that or something.)

Anyway, the next day I texted him in the evening telling him I had work off tomorrow in case he wanted to hang out. I usually don't initiate texts but I felt like I had to communicate that I was still interested. He texted back soon after saying he had work but should (if he wasn't too tired) be hanging around a particular neighborhood afterwards with some friends and he invited me along. I had fallen asleep and didn't respond yes until the next day when he was already at work. Then later he sent a sort of cryptic text saying he was actually just going to watch a tv show (that I also watch, but he would have no way of knowing that) with a buddy and that his other pals were out and that we should maybe meet up later in the week and do something outdoorsy (as we had discussed on our first date). It was a weird mixture of information so I just said that that was cool and I would be down for some exploring.

I ended up going to that neighborhood anyway, to hang out with a friend who lives there and watch said tv show (because he reminded me) at a bar. Anyway, after the show finished, I got to my car and started to drive home. I was at a four way stop when the other car stopped for a second and then drove on. I'm not 100% sure, but I'm almost positive it was him. We were headed in the same direction, but he made the light and I didn't, so I never got to investigate (I know that sounds creepy). I have no idea if realized I was the other person in the car. He does know what my car looks like, but I have a common car, so who knows.
Anyway, I don't really feel hurt that he ended up in that neighborhood anyway. I feel that maybe it was just miscommunication or he ended up getting coerced by his friends to go out. Maybe if I understood him better I could have invited him to watch it with my friend and I.

But I haven't heard from him since I texted him back saying it was cool if he bailed. I'm wondering what he's feeling since I dodged his kiss. Confused? Hurt? Rejected? Should I keep pursuing so he knows I'm interested? I am going bowling with some friends tomorrow and thought about inviting him? I want to be clear that I don't want this to be platonic. I want to date him. I REALLY like him, and I think he really likes me. It would be tragic if it ended because of something this stupid. So Men, what would you want the girl to do in this situation???

[HDBadger]

I don't know what this guy's personality is like, but if I were him I wouldn't pursue you.

There's already been iffy communication from both of you, and you gave him the cheek, which is just cold. I would read that as disinterest or at the very least indecisiveness. You, of course, have every right not to kiss him, but if the guy isn't totally desperate, there's a very good chance he'll move on. As guys, we learn as we get older to avoid women who send mixed messages like the plague. If you are interested, a peck on the lips is totally appropriate.

So basically, you've messed this up pretty good. If I were in his position, I'd never talk to you again and focus on someone whose actions align with her attraction level.

You could try just having an honest conversation with him about how you feel, but he might not want any part of that at this point.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

At this point, you're going to have to be overtly sexual. Apologize for dodging the kiss, and say what you really wanted was for him to kiss your other lips. Or just tell him to come over so you can **** his brains out. Short of that, why would anyone interested in more than friendship waste anymore time with you? Offer him your wild honey pie.

[searock]

Don't do what BackUp suggested, but do contact him and tell him what you told us.

Text him and tell him something like "I feel so silly, the other night I really wanted to kiss you, but I kind of chickened out at the last moment. Care to give it another try ?"

[K_6]

If a woman isn't ready for a kiss on a first date, a man who's interested in her tries again. Just how much drive and desire can a man who gives up on a woman for a failed first kiss have?

[searock]

K_6, you are so right. If she makes it clear that she still wants to date him and he refuses just because of one missed kiss, he isn't really interested in her.

[NiaPeach]

I agree. That would send up a huge red flag for me.

[FAndrews]

I agree too, a man who really likes a girl never gives up that easily try again!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Honestly, I only read the title.

Skimming through, you do seem like a retard, but I doubt all is lost. Even if all is lost, I don't think its 'tragic', considering you've known him for a week. I don't think you should even bring the kiss up when you contact him. Just ask if he wants to hang out. I suggest you kiss him before the end of the date.

[HDBadger]

Of course all the women think it's a guy's duty to "not give up so easily," even on a girl who is being difficult. I can't say I'm surprised.

A decent, respectful man doesn't waste his time with difficult, disingenuous women. A decent guy doesn't indulge a woman who plays games. If the OP liked this guy, there was no reason to turn down a peck. Additionally, her communication has been questionable.

The OP screwed up. Period. And it sounds like the guy is smart enough to back off and pursue someone who actually, you know, reciprocates his attraction.

Good guys with options don't chase women. The entitlement of some of the women on this board is astounding.

[searock]

A decent, respectful man doesn't waste his time with difficult, disingenuous women. A decent guy doesn't indulge a woman who plays games.

I agree, however it is not the case of the OP. She isn't difficult or disingenuous and she doesn't play games. She just messed up in the heat of the moment. Surely if he's interested enough he won't give up so easily. On the other hand, surely, if she is interested enough, she will let him know that she really wanted to kiss him and she will ask him out again.

If the OP liked this guy, there was no reason to turn down a peck.

If the OP did not like this guy, she wouldn't have opened a thread about him. Clearly it was an innocent, tiny mistake that can be "righted" with just one text (provided that she is interested enough to send it and that he is interested enough to not give up on her once she explains the truth).

Additionally, her communication has been questionable.

Yes, this is the only thing she is doing wrong. She should have texted him straight away as soon as she got home that night (or even the morning after), telling him that she really wanted to kiss him but for some reason chickened out at the last moment, and asking him if he cares to give it another try.

The OP screwed up. Period.

Well, d'uh, she says so herself.

And it sounds like the guy is smart enough to back off and pursue someone who actually, you know, reciprocates his attraction.

She clearly is attracted to him or she wouldn't have opened a thread about him.

The entitlement of some of the women on this board is astounding.

Nah, if a guy is really interested he won't give up after one silly mess up. I do think that she definitely needs to communicate to him that she is very much interested in him. I think she should ask him out on another date.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

If the OP did not like this guy, she wouldn't have opened a thread about him. Clearly it was an innocent, tiny mistake that can be "righted" with just one text (provided that she is interested enough to send it and that he is interested enough to not give up on her once she explains the truth).

She clearly is attracted to him or she wouldn't have opened a thread about him.

Can't rule out attention whore who is butt-hurt she got dropped. She turns down a kiss, he backs off, all of a sudden she "REALLY likes" him. I can't say she is or isn't, but I can say the fact she opened a thread proves nothing. I don't have to tell you that people create threads for validation all the time.

[HDBadger]

Can't rule out attention whore who is butt-hurt she got dropped. She turns down a kiss, he backs off, all of a sudden she "REALLY likes" him. I can't say she is or isn't, but I can say the fact she opened a thread proves nothing. I don't have to tell you that people create threads for validation all the time.

Agreed. I was going to respond to Searock but it's obvious she's just taking the OP's side because she's a woman.

OP rejected this guy's simple advance for a kiss and is a poor communicator to boot. She isn't worth pursuing by any man who isn't a desperate sap.

The only decent advice we can give the OP is try to not be so difficult and off-putting to the next guy.

[HDBadger]

To add: If the OP thinks it will be cathartic to somehow fess up to this guy about how she's been acting, she should go ahead. I just wouldn't expect a positive response.

[searock]

I was going to respond to Searock but it's obvious she's just taking the OP's side because she's a woman.

HDBadger, you are sexist and stupid, sorry I didn't realize that before and actually wasted time replying to you.

BackUp, that may be true. I guess it all comes down to - will she contact him and clear things out or not? If not, it's probably as you say. It might also be true that he is "backing off" to play games with her, so that she will react by acting all clingy now. We can't really know. I personally think it was just a matter of miscommunication, that a simple explanatory text can make right if they both want it and aren't interested in playing pointless games.