Am i leading this girl on?

[AndyGeorge]

Hi, I didn't want to crash this persons post, but it seems kind of relevant to the issue I have, so forgive me if this is the wrong place for my post, I'm very new here only signed up today and this is my first post. So here is my issue, it's probably the same problem a lot of people have or had.

It started when I was in my last two years of High School. I went out for lunch with my friends and somehow got talking to a girl that went to my school, she was in the year below me, I had just turned 16 and she was 15 (By the way I'm from the U.K. Relationships Legal at 16, you know what I mean so I had never really seen her around before. We hit it off right away and we started to date. We had great times together and I was her first 8 months after meeting. She fell in love with me almost right away she told me, and so did I. We had the classic young relationship problems like I wasn't allowed in her room when no one was home, one day I came to see her alone and her dad came home and I had to hide under her bed (Not Funny). I had to use her back door key to leave the house when they all left the house. The back door had no post box so I had no choice but to take the key home with me, the next day her parents came to my parents house demanding their house key back from me, while we were making love in my bedroom (Teenagers huh...) This is when it turns bad, after that nightmarish scene of them walking in on us her dad forbade us to see each other again.

After a few weeks of Lauren trying to obey her father we ended up seeing each other again.. I'm not very good at expressing my feelings or emotions, so I can't really explain to you how much I really loved this girl, at the time she was the first thing I wanted to see when I left for school, the last person I wanted to hear from at night, and I could stay out walking around going nowhere all night with her just to kiss.. sounds a little sad maybe but I would have done anything to win the approval of her parents.
It became more and more difficult to see each other as the next year was coming I was about to leave school for good, when I did leave she still had some time left, after that point we kind of drifted apart, she tried to call me many times but got cut off while saying hello, we tried talking on the internet but they blocked her activity, we tried to meet after school for sneaky dates, but somehow we would most of the time get seen and I would get yelled at by her parents, I wasn't a bad person in school or in general, I had good grades, nice friends, and was always respectful to her parents in every way (except maybe staying away).. So I never understood why they disliked me so much. I guess it was just that I was taking away his little girl and he didn't like it or didn't like her growing up so fast, I don't know. Now for the worse part.

My parents moved away from where she lived to different ends of the city, when that happened the calls, txts, meet ups slowly dwindled away didn't matter how much we tried to stay in each others life's. The big problem I have is 10-11 years later I'm still in love with her, I've had multiple relationships since, short term and long term, I've moved in with my girlfriends for a few years at a time, but I've never been able to love another woman, no matter how much I try I can't do it.. I want to because they are the kind of woman who amazing people in every way for me, but it wont happen. Every once in a while I think back to what we had and every time I have a huge smile on my face, I don't have that with any other relationship. Nothing makes me want just hold my GF like Lauren and I did, nothing makes me feel really loved like I did, I like these woman a lot and I respect them but I know that's not enough for a relationship. If I can't love a woman after living with her for 3 years then I never will. This is the situation I have been in several times now. It breaks my heart every time to say I don't love you and to see that look of disappointment and hurt.

I have tried to look her up 1,000 times over the years with success, with the usual suspects like Facebook, Twitter, Google and even some people search engines, I had no luck with any of them, after all this time she could be married now or live in a different country, my question is, I know I can't have the Love I used to have, so how do I move on and allow my self to fall in love again?. Just care, respect are not enough, living with someone just because I don't like to be alone is not fair, so I end it all the time, I'm tired of years and years of hurt and broke relationships, I want to feel happy again because I wake up with a smile on my face beside the woman I can't wait to spend my life with. Yes I can be happy with woman I'm not a robot, but it's not anywhere near what I know love can be. I'm really sorry for how long this was I didn't mean to make it so long, I just wanted to get my feelings across to you readers out there so you can give me some advice. It's like my heart is blocked and I need a plunger to un-block it.

[HeartIsAching]

Why would you say "I don't want to crash this persons post" then proceed to do it anyhow?

[basilandthyme]

Andy, start a new thread and we'll drop in to help

[nicko3371]

Wow 11 years that is a lot, if she is right for you you will find her and it will work, but that seems kind of unlikely, try to ask her old friends if they might know where she could be or call like a people database to find her address, good luck

[AndyGeorge]

I posted it here because it didn't say "Post New Thread" anywhere on my screen, I'm sure if it was any trouble the Admin would have moved it..
But thanks for the reply's..well maybe I'm just one of those people when love hits it sticks forever. (Admin can delete my posts now).

[smiling100]

Is this a bad thing? I really don't want to hurt this girl. She likes me a lot and texts me everyday. I've been replying back... I like her but i don't like her a lot if that makes sense. i don't know if i want a relationship with her or not so I'm i guess trying to see how things go? I know she wants a relationship though, I"m just not sure if i want one with her or not... I met her 4 days ago at a party and we made out and have been texting for the past 3 days....

Be honest with her.

What you've written above sounds honest. Tell her you want to take it slow & see where it goes.

If she gets to heavy & you can't do it at least you did not lead her on.


Good luck