Very big fight, what should I do? Am I just a dick?

[outofideas]

Sorry this is a long one, but I need some advice.
My girlfriend and I have been going out for just over a year now. We connected right from the start and can easily talk and be with each other day in and day out. We moved in together after about 8 months. We both came to AUS to study abroad of the US. I have made mistakes in the past which has led her to do things out of anger. She has broken up with me a couple times just for us to get back together within a day. One of these times she hung out with some guys (she doesn't really have many girl friends and gets along better with guys). One ended up kissing her out of the blue. Her story is she asked if there was something in her teeth and when she was making the typical "have a look to see what's in my teeth" face he kissed her. In my head he's kissing her teeth which is about the worst lie I've ever heard. I have had my fair share of mess ups as well like saying I'm going to be more mature and keep my promises. Any moment I slip up even if it's the littlest slip up she blows up over it saying that I'm not keeping my promises and I don't care. I'm always sorry for what I do and say how I'm going to change, but she doesn't think I'm changing because every little thing that happens turns out to be me not caring. Yesterday we had an argument over something I said where she felt like I didn't care. I knew I was in the wrong and I said I'm sorry and that I shouldn't have said that (She dropped a phosphorous light bulb after I told her to hold the package a certain way so it wouldn't fall out and the first thing I said is "I told you not to hold it that way" when I should have asked if she was okay right away). Later that night in bed she said she can't do it anymore (be with me). She has done this multiple times so it's hard to take it serious. I ended up falling asleep about an hour or so later. She was furious the next day that I fell asleep after she "broke up with me." I was on my knees with a letter I wrote and a flower I picked (not too much money to buy flowers). She didn't want to hear any of it. She said how she was going to go out with a friend to "get over me." I kept begging forgiveness saying how I see how I have been and how I need to change it. I have said those things before, but every time I said it I didn't follow through. I see my ways and how I've been selfish, but she says it's too late. She keeps pushing the situation saying how about 10 months ago I did something that's she's still mad about. At this point I can't sit down and be pushed around because she always does it and I let her get away with it. I bring up how she let that guy kiss her and I call her out on her lie. She says I can even ask the guy (where ever the hell he is back in the US). I blow up and start yelling how she let that happen, but in a fight it can never be about what she did wrong only me. Even when I'm mad about something when she has nothing to be mad about she turns it around on me. I love her to death and can't see myself with anyone else. After I blew up I went for a walk so I wouldn't yell anymore. Anytime I want to walk to clear my head she say's I'm just running from everything. I usually don't go when she says that but today I was fed up with her trying to manipulate me. When I came back she packed up a suitcase to stay at her friends and brought these super sexy high heels. I think she is going to go out and kiss another guy, but I know she would never have a one-night-stand. Either way I feel like she is cheating on me right now be it dancing on someone or kissing them. Even if she didn't go out I told her if she was going to leave I will just suspect she's cheating on me since she threatened to. Please help me out.

[Valixy]

I wonder how do you both experience being so far away from your home, without your families and friends' support. Maybe it all looks like lots of fun but inevitably this must put some serious psychological pressure on each of you, especially because you're both so young. In the same time it might make your bond seem stronger than it should be in normal circumstances. Maybe part of the tensions you both feel and direct towards each other are because you're feeling emotionally insecure being far away from home and the absolute love you feel for each other might come from the fact that you're not only being a partner for each other but you might also represent all the family the other one's got there, if this is indeed the case. Sometimes there isn't so much magic in a love relationship as one would like to think but more of a simple necessity actually.

In my opinion you're both very young and it's probably a bit too soon for both of you to have such a serious relationship, neither of you is ready emotionally, you're both making many mistakes and learning a lot this way. You're struggling to change for her, maybe be more caring and she sounds a bit needy and controlling. This is the normal learning process at 20.

I think that you should try to take a step back and detach a little bit. Try to talk to your girlfriend and solve the problems if possible and if it's what you both want to. It might work out or not but either way you must concentrate on your studies and make the best of your opportunity of being in Australia, meet new people and have fun. Maybe you should try to lighten up your emotional baggage a little bit and simply have a good time over there if suffering for a girl is starting to be a bit too much for you and there is too much drama in the relationship.

[HeartIsAching]

Paragraphs are your friend.

[pcmaster]

First of all stop saying sorry cause you are only lowering your won value and shes acting like a queen already. Next dont give a shit what shes doing. So what if someone kissed her?
"When two people kiss... They create a really long tube with @ssholes on both ends.

Cause you are being just patetic, never bring back past. Shes a young girl and just wana have fun so giving her shit or feeling like a shit wont help relationship. Once women dont get enought positive emotions they leave.

This could help you

Wow... he let me treat him this way, he let me do this to him. He is afraid to be man, if he lets me do this thing to him, what else will he let me do? Will he protect me when I need him? Maybe not, if he is afraid to put me in my place. How can he protect me from another man when I need him? He is not the secure guy I thought. He looks weak to me. I can manipulate him now to do what I want him to do. I can get away with anything now. I can do what I want. I'm in control of things now. He is not. He will jump through my hoops. I can tell him what to do. How can I take him seriously anymore when he won't stand up to me? He is not a challenge, maybe I need to look for another guy. His insecure behavior really disgusts me. He is not a man that I need. I have to let him go. I need another guy. He is gone, we are over.

Anyway man she have only that much value as you give her. Now she could hang out with her friends and tell them what what a depentand idiot you are. While womens can talk about relationship easy with other girls and let it all out straight away with ease and feel nothing we guys are not used to talk about our emotions and its piling up and killing from inside. Thats why you are making too big thing about it. Realy you shouldnt care more than she does. Otherwise again you are lowering your value and she start acting like a queen again beat you up with words and thats how they leave.

She have this huge advantage of emotional from friends or shes just not that into you(might be shes calling you ,shit, in her mind which works as natural defense mechanism). Whatever it is you want look for support at friends or counselling cause feeling like a bitch and being low confidence will not help at all.

What you did 10 months ago btw? Its important that you let it out so it feels easier.

Theres no much logic in her action and thats understandable cause women think based on emotions rather then logic. So you shouldnt try to understand her but just never take shit so she see what shes doing wrong. If you put up with her crap shes gona eat you alive without even noticing what shes doing. Its good that you love her but its important to love yourself as much and dont let her cause pain to you, dont feel quilty when shes upsed after you did the right thing. Ability to say no is key to any long relationship. Thinking bad about yourself will destroy everything around you.
In oposite this girl acts like every time she farted you gave her gift.

Know who you are and stay with that. People will rate you bend you brake you, But how strong you stand is what makes you.

And if you afraid to lose her then its gona be excatly why you lose her. Thats why dont fear or its gona happen.

[smackie9]

Find a new girl and forget about it.......................

[outofideas]

What you did 10 months ago btw? Its important that you let it out so it feels easier.

I met a girl during orientation before I even met my gf, and she ended up having a few classes with me. I thought she was cool, but I wasn't into her. We longboarded together because where she was going was on the way to where I was going. I sold my old deck to her, and my gf came along with me so I could introduce them. When I walked across the street to sell it my girlfriend stayed on the other side of the road. She expected me to grab her and take her with me because she "doesn't follow me like some bitch." That was that and the girl ended up spreading shit how i flirted with her and like her and that shit girls get in their heads.

I texted her to see what i missed in class too, but after that argument I just deleted the number. She claims I text girls behind her back.

[pcmaster]

Its the case when you take shit because the girl is insecure. Insecurity destroys relationship and in this case she made you feel bad because she was pussy. You see what happens. Now she feels like its your fault cause you took the blame.

The best you can do is spend some time on the beach with your self and become social do fun things with friends too. Get your mind off it and come back much cooler. Its healty and hoping that she will make you feel in heaven will bring only more hell. There must be other good things that touches your soul. You feel dependant party because of the shit yo took. Read about co-dependacy.

This video can help too


and this too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjXK7zjTJLA

Anyway realise that she is lucky girl and falling at her knees is more than any girl could ask. Dont do it again.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Go **** another girl. When she finds out she will go crazy, but she will also take you back. You could also just send her a text, and ask her not to contact you so you can move on. She'll be back in a heartbeat. Girls like this can't stand losing.

[smackie9]

What you did 10 months ago btw? Its important that you let it out so it feels easier.

I met a girl during orientation before I even met my gf, and she ended up having a few classes with me. I thought she was cool, but I wasn't into her. We longboarded together because where she was going was on the way to where I was going. I sold my old deck to her, and my gf came along with me so I could introduce them. When I walked across the street to sell it my girlfriend stayed on the other side of the road. She expected me to grab her and take her with me because she "doesn't follow me like some bitch." That was that and the girl ended up spreading shit how i flirted with her and like her and that shit girls get in their heads.

I texted her to see what i missed in class too, but after that argument I just deleted the number. She claims I text girls behind her back.

Them bitches, they be crazy! lol

[multifidi]

As a girl that has insecurity issue myself, it's incredibly unfair on you. Either talk to her and give her one more chance to change or move on. Its hard but true

[Silent Siren]

This could help you

Wow... he let me treat him this way, he let me do this to him. He is afraid to be man, if he lets me do this thing to him, what else will he let me do? Will he protect me when I need him? Maybe not, if he is afraid to put me in my place. How can he protect me from another man when I need him? He is not the secure guy I thought. He looks weak to me. I can manipulate him now to do what I want him to do. I can get away with anything now. I can do what I want. I'm in control of things now. He is not. He will jump through my hoops. I can tell him what to do. How can I take him seriously anymore when he won't stand up to me? He is not a challenge, maybe I need to look for another guy. His insecure behavior really disgusts me. He is not a man that I need. I have to let him go. I need another guy. He is gone, we are over.

PC this is a perfect wake up call for men! I was in a relationship with a guy who allowed me to walk all over him and though we stayed together for a long time, he lost my respect over time and I ended up feeling miserable with him because he lacked assertiveness. He was overly clingy and had no life beyond me. He had no ambition, no hobbies (other than online gaming), no desire to get out into the world, no friends, hell he had no vices to fall back on. He didn't drink or smoke or do anything remotely against the grain.

There are certainly extremes at both ends of this spectrum...guys that are too into themselves and guys that are too codependent. These guys need to find a happy medium to have a satisfying relationship. It's okay to show some sensitivity and vulnerability but a man should needs to act like a man on some occasions as well.

[nicko3371]

you know her the best and you are the one with the smartest view of the situation

[4 ratties]

This sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. Wake up and end this drama and get with a more mature woman next time and be more mature next time too.