Was this guy playing me or is he just misunderstood and unsure of himself??

[Julia51423]

Okay so this guy keeps confusing me a lot and Idk what to think about him anymore! Its so frustrating! ok, so a few months back, we both really liked each other, and texted each other constantly for weeks, but then he started obsessing over this other girl, but he kept me on a string… still keeping me around… making sure that i still liked him… And it wasn't until my friend told me what was happening that I ended it. So he apologizes and tells me he really feels bad for being a jerk to me, and i forgive him and we end on sort of good terms i guess. We became friends, even though we never see each other bc we live in different towns.

So a few months pass and a tragic event happens in my family, and then he comes and asks if i am okay, and was constantly trying to make me feel better saying he's there for me. Then he started complimenting me and we started flirting, and I started to fall for him again. We BOTH (or so i thought) started falling for each other again, and he told me a few times how beautiful he thought i was, and how much i mean to him, and he said how he has been happier then he has been in a long time ever since we started talking again. I really did think all of these things he said were genuine.

Note, i don't go to his school and we live in different towns, so i don't really know what goes on in his life. I go on his twitter and instagram just browsing around, and i find out how he's crazy about another girl all along, and not me! I was shocked by this. This honestly explains why he hasn't been texting me as much… but he still does keep contact with me, but only to flirt with me a little and almost like he is making sure he is "still interested"! If he just told me how much he cares about me and how i make him so happy, than why would he just move on at the snap of his fingers?! Am i not understanding something, or was he playing me just to stroke his ego or something?! Why would he do this?! I REALLY DID BELIEVE BY THE WAY HE WAS ACTING THAT HE DID CARE ABOUT ME… its depressing

I just need advice.. why do you HONESTLY think he is doing this, and what do you think i should do about it? I really like him but i feel like he is so far out of reach, and i don't want to waist my time on something that is not worth it.

[Boisdevie]

It's irrelevenat why he's doing this. What's important is this - he jerked you around the first time but you let him come back and jerk you around a second time. He played you because you allowed it to happen. Now me, if someone treats me badly, they only get one chance to do that - then I realise they're a dick and stay well clear. Why didn't you?

[Julia51423]

I guess I thought he had changed:/ my own fault I guess, but I won't let it happen again now, since he obviously hasn't changed much at all.

[Syne]

He probably just doesn't know what he wants - but either way - it isn't your problem. It sounds like he's fickle. He could feel like he's head over heels with you and some other chick, but really, who needs that? You deserve better. Walk away from this guy.

[Julia51423]

Syne, yeah, he is definitely fickle I do think it would probably be best to let him go, but what if he keeps contact with me? Should I tell him straight up, or just stop responding and ignore him all together?

Also, I don't wanna seem completely heartless... I just don't want to "tell him my feelings" blah blah blahhh when he probably won't even care. But I know he's not a bad person.... Just a typical fickle guy I guess.

And also, I tend to run in the opposite direction at the first sign of trouble... Idk I don't like conflict. Ad I tend to pretend like nothing is wrong even though I'm just hiding my feelings. Idk I just don't want to do that... Running at the first sign of conflict. It's almost like I give up right away cuz there is more of a chance that I could get hurt. Is this irrational thinking? Or should I give him a chance? I'm just thinking out loud right now.

[Wakeup]

I guess I thought he had changed:/ my own fault I guess, but I won't let it happen again now, since he obviously hasn't changed much at all.

Stop talking to him altogether and for sure; stop falling for guys over text that you've never even met for goodness sakes. You waste your time "talking" to boys and falling for them when they've shown you in zero actions that they have feelings for you. Words are just words until there are actions to back them up... then, when you see actions (not words) that tell you that he has feelings for you, you can believe his words. Then and only then.

[Julia51423]

Okay but I'm in a dilemma of what I should do... Bc okay here are my options..

1.) I could just straight up ignore him and all his texts. And that's what I'm doing right now. But, I feel like a terrible person for doing this, and honestly I don't want to hurt him... Even though he hurt me. Also, he ignored me when he started going for the other girl the first time, so I know what it feels like. But, I feel like if I ignore HIM i feel like I'll just be doing exactly what he did... And I don't want him to hate me... But I don't know if this is the best thing to do or not.

2.) I could actually tell him how I feel. That I am hurt and pissed bc he likes another girl... But wouldn't this just be weird and make me sound desperate? And I don't even know if this is a rational reason to be upset, bc we aren't in a relationship or anything and he still hasn't straight out "said" he likes me... Just the stuff I said in the post.. So is it even reasonable for me to be upset and pissed at him? Idk what to do. And what if actually does have feelings.

I don't know what to do. I am seriously stressing over this.

[searock]

You should tell him something like this: "I think it's best if we don't keep in contact anymore because I know that you are interested in someone else, so I see no point in keeping up the flirty relationship we have. Please don't contact me again."

[Julia51423]

Okay, we'll the thing is I still want to be friends with him, cuz we always see each other at family parties cuz our families are friends, so I don't want it to be awkward! I've decided that I don't want to ignore him.. That would just be rude, and idk I'm not like that.. And it would just cause more drama cuz then he would be wondering why I'm ignoring him. Idk I'm not shady I can't do that! I think I will just respond... But not much and not flirt back much. Also, I've made the choice to NEVER fall for someone through text again... It's just... Ugh... Also I know I shouldn't fall for him again.. Since he loses interest so fast. So okay, but random scenario: he says to me "I like you will you go out with me." How would I respond to this?

Also, sorry if I'm overanalyzing, but I'm just sick these complicated situations! I want simple situations!! Okay, so I am going to still text him, but now I realize he's not as into me as I thought. But when he texts me things like "hey beautiful" or stuff along those lines how should I respond? Cuz if don't wanna ignore him but I don't wanna be "easy" and that girl he can just go to and flirt with whenever he's bored and that he probably goes to when he gets no other girls and just keeps me on the side. (Keep in mind I am guessing about this... He could see me as the most amazing and important girl in the world.. But I'm just assuming right now what I THINK he thinks) I just wanna do this right. For once.

P.S. I'm not even sure what my feelings r for this guy. It's almost like I'm afraid to like him cuz I don't trust him that much. Soooo... I like him, but... I don't.

[smackie9]

Just stop worrying about what he is doing or how he feels.....if you want to stay friends that's fine, but you have to set boundaries for yourself so you don't fall into being into him too much you know what I mean? Put some distance between ya emotionally, and cut back on the contact.

I don't think his is looking for a GF at this time ....he is enjoying the fruits of life.

And as basilandthyme told you in your other thread, just because a guy flirts with you doesn't mean he is looking for a relationship....

[TablesandChairs]

OP, you said you don't want to 'run away' at the first sign of problems - in some cases, that's a good philosophy...in this case, it could set you up for heart-break.

You have pretty clear signs that he's not the guy you need...a) he's in love with some other girl, b) he blows hot and cold and c) the worst of all...fickle people are a mind f*ck...one minute you're on, the next it's like you never existed. Maybe he's using you as a 'crutch' because he can't get or can't get over this other girl...but whatever, the way he treats you is a fact, his reasons for doing so mere assumptions because you don't actually know.

Just text him - 'Hey, the whole on/off thing is confusing me and it feels like you're really fickle...one minute things feel like they're going one way...the next, it's like you don't know me...I'm going to take a step back for now but I wish you the best...' etc.

[Julia51423]

Okay guys I need a really quick answer to this. I still text him, but am trying not to flirt. He just texted me "hey cutie" ... How do I respond to this?!

[Maple1714]

Don't respond....

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Respond, "hey sexy xoxoxoxo"

[smackie9]

He's just being himself, looking for attention......you obviously are not getting what you had expected so don't fall for his charm. Don't respond.