Can anyone who thinks straight explain this to me? I feel completely miserable and sad.
I was talking to a guy for about 6 weeks online. He always called me beautiful, sweet. Told me how much he misses me and wants to see. Then, there was also a talk about what he would do with me sexually. For me - it was just online talking and it was never dirty-dirty. We both are adults in late twenties.
We have met a few days ago. It was very weird at first because I was not sure if he will like me in a real world. But it did not take him more than 30 minutes to hold me around shoulder and kiss me. It was not shy kiss. It was really deep French kissing and suddenly his hands were everywhere- around my back, my chest, my butt and even my crotch.
I was shocked and kept pushing his hands from certain parts of my body. He would always stop kissing and apologize.
But when he kissed me , he was all over me again. Putting me on table, pushing against wall, kissing me heavily. One time he hugged me from behind to kiss my neck while pushing his crotch against my butt and let me feel him.
I was so very confused but I liked kissing him. I could hear his breathing and everything was very intense.
He was very sweet though. Kissing my cheeks, forehead and holding my hand while walking. Later on, when I thought he was leaving he took me in his car, pulled seat back and start to kissing me and touching me under my clothes while being on the top of me. I told him to slow down, removed his hand from my body and kept kissing him when he started to mess with something down there. Honestly, I did not have a clue what was going on. He got his thing out and before I knew it he put my hand on it. He tried a few times to get his hand in my pants but I never let him. After that, I told him I have to go.
He said “ I figured this is last time I see you.” I did not know what I felt at that moment except disappointment. I asked if he does not want to see me anymore.He said he wants to see me as often as possible. We hugged, kissed and then left. He texted me later on to apologize about the way he was and said that he hope to see me again. He said he is sorry if he upset me.
Part of me feels this was wrong on so many levels but other part of me is blaming myself for it. I should never talk about sex with him through chat. I told him I won’t sleep with him because I do not know him yet. I actually did not think he would kiss me anyway. I am attracted to him because he is very handsome/charming and that’s why I did not mind his kiss and some touch. But after all, it was too much. I felt used… But there is also something what makes me coming back to him and text him back. He kept telling me he wants to see me again and I said I want to see him too. He said he wants me but he is also glad I did not slept with him that day. I just don't know what to think about it anymore. I am mad at myself for liking him because I am afraid it will only hurt me. It already does...
I have no experience in dating scene these days, so is this normal on first date? Do guys normally do that stuff?