rules of nsa

[bubble]

Let me point out that I'm well aware that each individual person sets their own rules for this, but I'm not sure what to think atm. I'm in my 30s, not in a serious relationship and after four years of celibacy, I decided to throw caution to the wind and try the whole nsa deal. I met a guy about a month ago, we went on a few dates before we were intimate and from the start he's made it very clear that he's not interested in anything serious. Fair enough. So last weekend I finally got to the point where I just wanted to have sex, so I went over to his place. We were both a bit drunk, we had sex, then for about an hour we cuddled, then had sex again, cuddled and kissed more and fell asleep. Which was fine by me, despite it being an nsa, I liked that it wasn't impersonal. But then in the morning it all went downhill. He was very distant, it seemed like he was trying not to touch me at times. He did stroke my body for a bit when we were still in bed and he kissed me as I was leaving, but it just felt uncomfortable.
So I'm not sure what to expect in the future, if I ever decide to do this again with him. It just baffles me how different his behaviour was during the night and then in the morning. What could be the reason for that?

[Wakeup]

You DO NOT do bonding rituals when in an NSA relationship. His behaviour in the morning was to keep it so that you don't catch feelings for him.

No bonding rituals
No gift giving
No hanging out after sex
No cuddling on the couch and talking about personal stuff which leads to vulnerability which then leads to feelins
No texting "how was your day" small talk. Just "lets get together" type messages which implies to you both that its for more sex and nothing more.

If you think you actually want to pull this off without getting hurt then don't expect anything other then sex. You'd do well to get up and get dressed afterward and leave. Even if he tells you to stay because it won't mean he wants you for a gf it will just mean he might want more later.

That is why he was distant. You both accomplished NSA sex and he wants to keep it NSA. He's told you in words and now in his actions so believe him.

[DalM0m]

NSA sex / FWB usually means none of the traditional trappings of dating -- no meals or movies, no cuddling, no PDA . . . . it's pure physical. Once you add in the other trappings you are making more like an emotionally unfulfilling relationship because somebody cares more than the other & somebody winds up hurt.

[bubble]

Thank you to both, I'll try to keep it all in mind if I continue with this. I'm rather new in that area and I guess I still have some romantic notions, I'm aware that they're unhealthy, so I'll work on getting rid of them.

[Wakeup]

Not sure why you just wouldn't work on wanting a relationship again and having it all instead of having sex and trying to act like your heart isnt' connected to your vee-jay?

So, I guess the question is: Why don't you want to be in a loving/reciprocal union where you get to have it all without having to forego your personal boundaries?

[bubble]

I would love to, but I got tired of waiting for it to happen. >_< I'm not saying no to a relationship and if there's a chance for one, I'll happily connect my heart and my vee-jay.

[Wakeup]

I would love to, but I got tired of waiting for it to happen. >_< I'm not saying no to a relationship and if there's a chance for one, I'll happily connect my heart and my vee-jay.

Well, don't expect a relationship to develop out of this. He's clearly told you that he only wants you for sex. He's clearly shown you in actions that he only wants you for sex. You'd do well to save yourself the emotional turmoil and end your sexfests with a one night stand. Anything more then that and you're going to think you deserve more then an orgasm from him.

Watch out for yourself and stop settling when it's not what you want.

[bubble]

Hm, I guess you're right, I am wasting time and energy on something that's not going anywhere when I could be working on something that has a potential to turn into more than just nsa. That is what I want after all. And no, I don't expect this to, he was very clear from the start and I'm not sure I'd want it to anyway. Either way, thanks for the advice, I agree that this is probably best left as a one time deal.

[SimplyAmorous]

Thank you to both, I'll try to keep it all in mind if I continue with this. I'm rather new in that area and I guess I still have some romantic notions, I'm aware that they're unhealthy, so I'll work on getting rid of them.

I am sorry but I think this is very very sad.. is THIS what you want for your life.. to push down your emotions to sleep with men who don't care about you, your feelings.. in the long run, you are screwing your own empathy and emotions to attach to a good man, if /when he comes your way... If you are Romantically geared ... you should not be having casual sex.. .embracing your sexuality -is sleeping with people who make you feel good about who you are, and feeling good in the morning and where a relationship is going.... this is HUGE, it's vital.. it's what brings joy to our lives....and should not be over looked or ingaged in...unless you like to sleep with many random man who are emotionally un-available...

I am too new to put links on here (yet).. but google the "The 10 Commandments of Casual Sex"....if you can handle these... go for it.. if this is not for you.. I think you are much better off looking for the type of men who view sexuality as you do.. (I am a romantic as well and would never settle for less)... though I am married and just offering advice here..