So for a little backstory- i have been dating this guy for ~10 months. we are long distance (he is in USA i'm in Europe studying to be a doctor and he has a full time job where he works 50/60 hours a week). we are together 6 months out of the year in total (3 months over summer and winter I'm in the usa and usually in-between he comes to visit me for 10 days when he can get off work). in the beginning our relationship was amazing- really sweet guy and nice but the last month i was in america we were having huge issues.

he wanted to be with his friends more, didnt want to always come see me since i live an hour away by car when we are both in the usa...we fought every weekend for 5 weekends and as a crescendo he didn't take me to the airport or see me before i left back to europe because of a fight- which he later profusely apologized for and felt terrible about.

he came to visit me last week (so about 3 weeks after this whole debacle) and we barely spoke in the weeks before his visit cause i was SO upset at him and so cold that I rarely messaged him or contacted him except with one word answers when he contacted me. while he was here i couldn't help myself and snooped- saw a conversation where he talks about his ex to his friend for a bit. well in that conversation his friend tells him that he should text his ex as a congratulations for getting into law school and that she likes knowing he still cares…to which my boyfriend replied i don’t want to text her while her boyfriend (his previous best friend) is still in the picture and that she had texted him earlier that day and his friend said oh well she asks me about your girlfriend (me) sometimes and that he tells her nothing other than we are happy to which my boyfriend replies “next time you should say ‘you guys should get back together’” and his friend responds with “will do” and then the conversation just went a different way!!

he dated this girl for 3 years in college and was supposedly a terrible boyfriend to her but he was heartbroken when they broke up and for a year he tried to get her back and it didn’t work…then another part of the conversation was him asking his friend (same friend) to bring girls with him and his friend said he only knows girls x,y and z (which are coincidentally my friends) and then my boyfriend responds with “aka those are the only girls my gf knows in this whole city” to which his friend replies with “ohhh ok”………………

this all happened about the middle of october when we never spoke so i gave him the benefit of the doubt and didn't bring it up and just kept moving forward. the entire time he was here he was so affectionate and sweet and holding me and kissing me. At nightwhile i am sleeping i feel him kiss my cheek and stroke my hair. And he still speaks of the future and what we will do next time we see each other.

When he left back to the USA I cried like I usually do and he wiped away my tears and held me and kissed me and said that its only 6 weeks til we see each other and that he had fun with me here. he has gotten better with communication- still no Skype or phone calls (international and time difference) but he texts me everyday and we talk as much as we can considering how busy we both are. He still hasn't said I love you after 10 months which is a bit strange and worrisome.


My biggest fear is that I am convincing myself of the worst in a way to protect myself. In my past relationships I have been hurt and cheated on and just treated horribly and I was so invested in these relationships and I put these men on such a pedastool that I feel as though my entire relationship with my SO now has been me constantly trying to convince myself that the bad is just around the corner, to not hold on too tightly or be too invested or to put him on a pedastool. That all these problems that I come up with are just in my head and in reality he is a good boyfriend- not the best type of movie boyfriend but a stable, committed nice guy.

My friend had told me that was the case because he does do everything for me- he sacrifices other trips to take the trip to see me, he takes me out, he kisses me and holds my hand and talks of the future together. But it’s the things like the communication (yes he is incredibly busy at work and there is a 6 hour time difference and he is very stressed out- he has a severe case of ADD and takes a lot of adderall for it), and that he hasn’t said he loves me yet that make me second guess everything. I did some research about ADD and being in relationships, but I just wanted to know if anyone has any advice about this