My best friend of 3 years and I, the most beautiful woman I've met in the flesh (and few others top her in Hollywood) and I have gone to friends with benefits. She's come to trust me, and while I'm not the only man she's sleeping with, I'm one of maybe half a dozen that aren't on a secret list of men who make her feel like a whore, which she has compiled over her entire life. The only real relationship she's ever had left her with a 3 year old at the age of 23. Their first break-up was him cheating on her, the second her cheating on him, the third just inevitable. She shouldn't have bothered, the guy was a douche-bag. But she wanted a real family for her son. Now I'm afraid a deeper mutual affection is building between US. I welcome it. She, however, has a deep fear of it.
She attempts to provoke jealousy responses by casually speaking about her other trysts. It would be a great excuse to stop laying with me, stop bonding with me. The worst I do is get quiet. But she already trusts me more than any other man in her life. I need to improve my income situation, get more stable, and THEN I can make a move. Worst part, this convict she had a crush on 8 years ago is getting out of prison on the 23rd. She's kept in contact with him, and lets her 15-year-old memories effect her judgement. Worst part is, he has an STD, and not the kind you cure. If she does this, I know she'll ruin her life, and I've tried to tell her. I think she listened, but I'm not sure. And if I tell her I love her, it's the equivalent of the Hiroshima nuclear attack on an emotional level. I don't want to destroy this chance, but there are so many variables I do not control. I feel my course is right for now, wait and let it develop, show my patience and acceptance. But when the time DOES come, how do I go about this? What should I say?