Distractions are good at this time and it sounds like you are making steps in the right direction.
Distractions are good at this time and it sounds like you are making steps in the right direction.
She just came over to get the computer. On the phone, she was surprised and grateful that I actually replaced her broken computer. In person, she was cold, quiet and awkward. She also went through some food she left in my fridge, taking some of her food and offering the rest to me. I doubt that we will be talking anytime soon. Hopefully I will sleep well tonight, so I can get on with life tomorrow. I've got a complex tax return to file, a couple of collection calls to make, and some networking emails to send out.
Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions.
*I'm deleting this because I don't want to derail from Vinces dilemma. So I'll just say: One's opinion is one's opinion and in my opinion. She is a terrible person for Vince and he is a terrible person for her. ///
Last edited by Wakeup; 16-11-13 at 07:47 AM.
“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion
At least fridge is sorted out. Now just go from there.Originally Posted by VincenzoG91
Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will
No good deed goes unpunished. When she first set up the computer at her place, she was very impressed. Eventually, she became obsessed with multiple issues and wants me to try and get my money back from the guy I bought it from on Craigslist:
1. It took a few minutes to boot up.
2. There was no password login screen.
3. The CS6 programs (photoshop, indesign, etc.) are all Extended, which she thinks means extended trial period that will expire soon.
4. We didn't get a sales receipt or warranty.
5. We didn't disks for the operating system or any of the software.
Her conclusion is that because of the above issues, the computer doesn't work and she wants me to get a refund and buy her a better computer.
My response, after about 15 minutes of research online:
1. Go to system preferences and select startup disk, select your boot drive (usually Macintosh HD), then reboot your computer.
2. Go to system preferences and select Users and Groups, go to Login Items tab and de-select Automatic Login, then go to the Password tab to set up users and passwords.
3. Extended means that she has an advanced version of CS6 with better capabilities. She doesn't have a trial version, or else she would be seeing a prompt that warns her how many days are left in the trial before she needs to purchase the software. And worst case scenario, she could just switch to Creative Cloud, which is the same software only hosted and automatically updated on the cloud, for just $20 per month while she is still a student.
4. It's Craigslist. People don't give warranties or sales receipts on Craigslist. Or refunds.
5. It would be nice if we had those disks, but if the software was purchased and downloaded online, there wouldn't be any disks except for the operating system.
And I know that the computer works fine except for the slow startup, which can be fixed.
She wants me to call the guy up and ask some questions and then ask for a refund. She has already been on the phone with the seller once, but said that she had too much trouble understanding his foreign accent. I asked her to give me a list of all of her questions, and I will give the guy a call, but then I'm done with the situation. I replaced her broken computer with a much better computer with lots of software on it, just like she wanted. Given that I am unemployed, that is all that she is going to get out of me. When she is happy, she is an absolute delight to be around. The problem is that she is a perfectionist who easily finds reasons to be disappointed and unhappy. I just can't carry that impossible burden anymore.
Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions.
Just tell her to ferk off and sort out the computer herself.
Why don't you do just that ^^^^ She's hoovering you back in by playing on your need to be needed and you're falling for her bullshit all over again. *SMH*
PS you could have gotten her what she needs for what she needs it for from Walmart for $400.00 and a guarantee. She might have a point about getting your money back but don't count on it if you bought it off some dude on Craigslist. JHC
Vince: Let her figure it out herself. You have your own dillemmas to be worried about. Your ownself to help. Work on you and forget about her.
Last edited by Wakeup; 16-11-13 at 08:51 AM.
“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion
100% your fault Vincenzo. At this point it's comical. You say can't carry the burden anymore, but what does that really mean?
It means that I am willing to call the seller and ask some questions, but if he isn't willing to give a refund, I'm fine with that and then I am done with the whole situation. I have replaced her computer with a better computer with more software. She can do whatever she wants with it: sell it, keep it, or smash it with a hammer. I need to get on with my life.
Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions.
Vincenzo, when are you going to let her grow up and handle some of her problems on her own? Do you have children? Or is she it?
Relax... I'll need some information first. Just the basic facts - can you show me where it hurts?
At least she asked how are you and didnt spoke about stupid laptop.
Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will
Man, I said you shouldn't get her a new laptop, she is a leech it will be never ending and never enough for peeps like that-- maybe you are realizing that now.
Life is a song - sing it. Life is a game - play it. Life is a challenge - meet it. Life is a dream - realize it. Life is a sacrifice - offer it. Life is love - enjoy it.
I'm not an expert on computers. At best, you could say that I am a skilled user, but definitely not a programmer or even somebody you would ever ask to help with a serious issue. And I know zero about Macs. So it took me an entire 15 minutes to tweak her bootup time to a zippy 32 seconds, and also restore her login screen and assign her a new password, AND test both of these changes to verify that everything worked. I spend an additional ten minutes verifying that she doesn't need to worry about her software being trial versions. I cannot in good conscience ask for a refund from the seller, because this is a fine computer that is loaded with good software. It would easily cost $4,000 to buy a comparable new computer with all this software, and I got it for her for $1,200. If she wants to sell it, she should be able to find a buyer soon enough. If she wants to find a comparable deal on her own, I wish her the best of luck.
Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions.
You actually pinpointed the reason for this apparent double standard - she is not superior in physical strength compared to her (now ex) partner, whereas a man that acts analogously is (in the vast majority of cases). A man that acts like she did is actually taking advantage of his superior physical strength and of his male privileges. This is what makes him, in general, way less likeable or relatable to than a woman in a similar situation.
Anyway, she may not be a bad person, but she sure acted like one. She needs professional help. I would say the same things if she were a guy (plus the part about him taking advantage of his privileges and superior strength, if that were the case).
Vince, I'm glad you are moving on and seeing through her games. It is for the best.
Last edited by searock; 16-11-13 at 02:57 PM.