Confused

[purralot]

I will try to keep this as short as possible. 9 yrs ago I meet R when he came to work at the same company as me and over the next 6 months we became really good friends. Then we decided to become a couple. 4 1/2 years pass and we split up. The first year apart was very stressful, we worked together and kept horses together (1 of which we joint own). I withdrew behind a wall and he started drinking, and we argued a lot. The next year was better and we even started going out for the occasional drink. In this time I started dating again and he went on a few dates but his never progressed into anything were I dated for the whole of that year. Then 2 years ago we ended up living in the same village and became really close friends again, going out for dinner etc. We again were both single. Everyone thought that we were back together but it not what we wanted, we were happy to be friends again. 2 years ago he lost his license drink driving and I supported him by driving him around and generally being there when all his friends deserted him. Now to present day. We no longer work together but still keep our horses together (what I forgot to mention is we have a joint account to pay for horses which when asked has said he does not want closed) and live in the same village. We spend most evening together, socialize together, have been away for weekends and have become friends with benefits. Most evening he asks to snuggles on the sofa and holds my hand. If I stay he cuddles me all night, even if I roll over he will move to cuddle
Now this is my problem, where before I was happy with this arrangement but I have fallen for him again, I have not told him my feeling have changed and he makes sure that everyone knows we are not a couple and never will be again. To the point he is attempting the dating game again and going on a few blind dates. I obviously find this hard because of my feelings. Well I have been offered an opportunity which will involve me moving about 50 miles away. If there is no chance for us then obviously it is a chance for a fresh start for me but I get the feeling he has feeling for me too. If this is the case then I would stay and see what happens. Am I kidding myself that we could get back together. I have tried to keep this short so if you want to know more let me know and thank you in adavance

[Valixy]

After everything you've shared with each other, I think that you shouldn't hesitate so much and dare to speak openly to him. Tell him you love him. He might very well feel the same, if not, you will at least know where you stand. Good luck.

[purralot]

I know what he will say..he will say that he does not want to try again. He tells everyone that and tells me he is single and looking. But his actions say different which is what is confusing me. He went on date the other night and after came straight round to see me!!!!! I know that I should take this opportunity to move and make a fresh start, it's just really hard decision to make. Thank you for replying and your advice

[basilandthyme]

OK, if the suggestion Vashti made won't work, there is a different conversation you must have. It's the conversation about him getting all the benefits of being in a relationship and you getting none of the love and security you need. You need to talk about the mixed messages being confusing and how it's just not working for you.

In short, if he want the benefits of being a boyfriend (companionship, sex, outings) he needs to become a boyfriend.

If he's not willing to give it another chance, it's time for you to realise that he's been using you for company and sex. If he's still openly looking for a new girlfriend, it shows that you're not a priority to him. Time to enforce some boundaries and accept only what's acceptable to you.

[purralot]

I think you are right. He does not have much luck on the dating scene.....I don't know why! I'm a good fill in when he has no one else. He does not have a lot of friends because he is useless at keeping contact, but I have a wide social circle and he does piggyback off me to get invites.
Thank you. I have seen the light and I going to make the clean break and move.