How to be less serious?

[csi369]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months, and the other day he told me that he feels like we are going in different directions, that our paths don’t match up. He says that he is confused and doesn’t know what he wants, although he still loves me and wants to be with me, yet his heart is telling him it is wrong. This makes no sense to me, if he loves me, why would he want to leave me? We kind of broke up, and then got back together after he told me he wanted to give us another try, and he told me he would just like us to chill out more, and not be so ‘full on’. He is worried about being in such a serious relationship so early in life, as we are only 18 and 19 years old. I know he loves me, however I am confused as to what he wants from this relationship. I know that I have become a little too dependant on him, which I think scares him, so just looking for some advice as to how to ‘chill out and relax’ in this relationship. I asked him if he wanted to spend less time together and have space, but he didn’t want that, he still wants to see me every weekend (as we have been for our whole relationship since we live 1 hour apart and both work 5 days a week) so just unsure as to how to be ‘less serious’.

Thanks!

[smackie9]

Lets talk about "the honeymoon stage" of relationship. This is a stage where you both are infatuated with each other (that can be mistaken for love). This stage lasts anywhere from 4-6 months to a year to a year and a half. During this time, there is a lot of talk of "you are the best I've ever had" talk of the furture of being married, having kids, being together forever, no one could ever replace you blah blah balh. The feelings are so intense you believe this, but in reality it's all talk and should never be taken as promises. Also during this time, things that you don't like about the person are over looked because your feelings overlap your common sense. But are time goes on those intense feelings wear off and you see what you actaully have. The excitment comes to an end and you or they realize they are bored, find things about you they don't like, realize you don't have much in common and there isn't really a strong enough connection for the long haul. This is very common for individuals at your age. You are teenagers,a dn you are still growing mentally, and with that your views, goals, and what you like and enjoy change along with it to.

With all this said, this is what is happening with your BF, he is confused at the fact that those intense feelings he's had for you for the last say 6 or 7 months are now faded. He's just not feeling it anymore. He loves you but he is not IN love with you, and there is nothing you can do to bring it back. It's just the way relationships work. This won't be your last, this one will end and so will the next and so on. This is what prepares us for adult relationships, and later marriage.

I think he is still on the fence about your relationship so stepping back should only be a temporary thing. If things don't change in a month you should consider calling him out on it and take it from there to finish this up.