Hi everyone,
Please give me advice on the following if you know how to regulate emotions, let go of regret or self-blame, deal with abandonment, etc. (Because I don't and its causing me pain, advice much appreciated as I wanna stop annoying my friends with this):
I met this cool guy online two weeks ago--we met up twice since then. We were texting a lot almost every day and had great talk chemistry, etc. even sexted -.- (because I felt like it and it was helping me get distracted from a recent ex/breakup). During the second meetup there was sexual touching lol for the same reasons, but I did not want to date him at that point (not enough genetic attraction, plus it wouldn't work in long-term and I don't wanna date casually). This was last Tuesday.
But things were still fine at that point -- we were gonna meet soonish again and were still texting a lot. I loved having him to brighten my day and share stuff with. Wanted to turn it into a close friendship as I felt close to him already, somewhat. Though the day before he somewhat complained I don't appreciate how much attention he gives me =/
Then Friday he says he can no longer hang on Saturday even though he is the one that wanted to see me then--so I was flaked on. I got bitchy at him for that on Saturday but the bitchiness didn't bother him and he wanted to talk on phone (to which I said no because I was butthurt at the time lol). But he assured me he will be my friend as long as I let him. Then I hear nothing from him for two days..
So I'm feeling low on Monday, decide to call him (figure he was just busy the last two days). He says he's busy and will text me in a bit. Eventually I get a text saying that he thinks we shouldn't talk anymore (without a reason but with note that I'm not into a certain topic which is very important to him, so it wouldn't work in long run -- which is bullshit, I never dissed the topic just not obsessed plus it doesn't matter for friendship).
So I eventually get ahold of him on phone-- very hurt and very confused. Abandoned for no reason. Turns out he started talking to his ex on Friday so he was torn or something between getting back with her or talking to me. And he no longer wants to fill my void and talk to me all the time like he initially wanted to. I found it all weird because I wasn't even looking to date him...
K so all that is confusing bullshit. The last thing that happened is me sending a goodbye text because I no longer feel wanted/comfortable talking to him. But I regret not mentioning that I'll miss talking to him etc. because I'm not sure he ever knew that I really appreciate him as a person and that he mattered to me in the short time I knew him. Too late to add anything as I've deleted his number completely and he hasn't and will never reply.
So... I am now hurt that I was discarded for no fault of my own (he even said it has nothing to do with me), that all of a sudden I was shut out and unwanted, and that I lost someone I'll miss, and I regret not making it clear that I liked it all because maybe it would've changed things. Feeling a lot of anxiety and resistance to the situation.
These feelings of abandonment, anxiety, and regret happen to me a lot and I'm sick of it. I even only knew this guy less than two weeks and yet I still got attached and still feel all these feelings when it ends =(
Please help! How do I let go of regret and stop blaming myself for messing up (even tho it was not my fault) and stop being anxious over abandonment and losing someone important? I'm tired of my fear of abandonment getting evidence for itself, and of living with fear.
I'm sorry this is so long. Thank you if you read it all.
tl:dr - talked incessantly and openly with a guy for almost two weeks, got attached (not necessarily romantically), he decided he no longer wants to talk because of stuff that came up, and now I feel hurt and anxious and don't know how to deal/let go effectively.