Coping with a sudden end to a relationship

[snow]

I am wondering if anyone has ever had a long term relationship ending suddenly and how they moved forward from it.
A little bit of background - I was with my girlfriend for 20 months, we were very close and loved each other deeply. She had previously been in a marriage which had ended when her husband repeatedly cheated on her. She became single at 35 and with 2 children she thought she would be single forever. She met me about 6 months after the break up of her marriage. She has a very stressful job to the point that she was often ill because of work, for example she would catch colds in the summer and struggle with sleep.
Everything was fine up until a month before we broke up. She started acting out of character one week which coincided with a very stressful time for her at work. However all of a sudden the problem she was having at work that week was solved and we went back to been exactly as we had been before. Everything was fine. The last time I saw her she said she had missed me, we were kissing and cuddling and she told me that she loved me lots when she left. I had no idea that would be the last time I saw her.
A week later she phoned me to tell me it was over as she felt too stressed out trying to juggle her job, me and her kids. I tried to persuade her that it would be OK but she was adament the decision had been made. She was acting so out of character, it was like I was speaking to a stranger, she was not the girl that I had known for over a year and a half. It felt like a bad dream. I know there is no chance of a reconciliation.
I am having problems trying to move forward from this for one main reason. I felt that I knew this girl inside out, that our love was strong, I honestly thought that she would never leave me. Everything in our relationship was perfect, we never argued or had any other problems, yet we still ended up breaking up with hardly any warning.
I am confident that in time I will meet someone else. However if I meet someone else and everything seems great, I am now always going to have this nagging doubt in my head that things could end at any time without warning. The thought of this is preventing me from moving forward.
Has anybody else been in a similar situation and how did you trust / put faith in anyone again?

[4 ratties]

There's no magic cure on how to move on and how to trust again. It's based on time, being secure with yourself, and meeting the right person.

Don't compare
Your next girlfriend to this one. It's very bad to compare. A new relationship is a fresh start and that person will get a chance to get your trust. If trust problems start affecting your relationships from now on, then maybe look into counseling or self help books on the subject.

[Peaches1605]

Hi Snow,

I went through something similar a few months back, but mine was different as in there were plenty of warning signs! The only thing I can say is give yourself time to grieve. I know she's not dead but its the bereavement of the relationship that you need to mourn. I know it sucks that this has suddenly happened and that you haven't had the chance to get your closure.

You should put yourself around friends and family and people who love you. These people will lift your spirits and even though you will have dark days and moments, know that people DO care about you. Also, I found that No Contact helped massively though there is the heartbreak when you do get a message or a phone call.

Take time out and focus on yourself. Do things you enjoy, and pamper yourself. Go to the gym, start a new hobby with your new found free time. With things like this which end suddenly, the important thing is to look after yourself.

Somebody gave me some advice which I will probably remember for the rest of my life : "You can't go around it, you have to go through it"

I know its difficult but you will get through this, you said it yourself. Just reach out for support when you are having dark times and eventually it'll hurt a little bit less

Good luck

[michelle23]

Im sorry this happened but it was probably a rebound for her. Her marriage ended coz her husband broke her heart by cheating. She prob wasnt ready for a new relationship when she met you. I know its hard and it hurts but you will be okay. Stay strong

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