A dilema we all face!

[Issen]

Recently due to the poor choice of words, my depression girlfriend thinks I am going to break up with her. Which ends up her overing thinking and broke up with me in the end. During the progress of breaking up, she is being very abusive and confusing at the same time. She leashes her anger at me and unintentionally or intentionally put me down with words. accusing me thing such as not know my best friend address etc etc etc. Our relationship was really good, and I mean really good. Except with her extreme low self-esteem and my slightly dominate personality, it often make her feel bad or worthless. There it seems to make sense that she shoot out all these abusing words. However,words hurt. Never in my life which I directly or behind her back say anything that are mean to her. Mostly what I did was roll my eyes or ignoring her when she is being really annoying. These actions by me might seem small but the effects on her were enhanced by her depression and eating disorder. Anyway, during the break up, the role seems to change. I want her back and I am sure deep inside she wants to too, just don't know how. We agree to meet up once again but I am not sure what to do. I am a very proud man and I honestly believe I don't deserve all these abusive and hurtful word. I want to tell her off and I know it will destroy her yet I love her too much to do that. But if I don't do that, I will surely end up feeling worthless myself and this feeling will eat me up. What should I do?

[Boisdevie]

She is abusive towards you and you want her back? Why? Don't you think you deserve better than that - like a relationship based on mutual respect? You must have a very low self esteem. Why not think about that?

[Peaches1605]

Speaking as somebody who put a lot of pressure on a relationship during my depression, I will say you need to talk to her. You need to explain how everything makes you feel and that you do want her back. It's not good though if you don't talk to her about this all before thinking about getting back together. For me, my relationship went completely wrong and we broke up over cheating because my ex did not communicate with me. I did say hurtful things, but this had nothing to do with my depression, my depression just gave me the nerve to say it out loud!

It's important that you both understand that even though she may be depressed, it does not give her a reason to continue this behaviour and as a partner, you also need to support her and try and get her thinking more positively. This does not mean tread on eggshells and do what she says because she is unwell. You need to find a happy medium.

Essentially depression is something you need to pull yourself out of, and only will when you want to and have the strength to do so (this is from my own experience) so she can not rely on you for happiness, but it doesn't mean you can't be patient as she's struggling.

As I said before, Talk to her. See where it goes from there. You will both need to be completely honest and open though.

Good luck!

[Issen]

There is the thing, if someone makes you feel worthless, you will hit the point where you fight back and try to put him or her down in order to make yourself look bigger and better. She is a very sweet girl and I have never seen her like that. She always think that she is not good enough for me and pushes me away.

[Issen]

Thank you so much for your opinion! Before the date when she thinks I am going to break up with her, I tend to be able to make her feel happy and comfortable. But then after that, all my words seems to not going through to her head. I had always been shelling her, I know it was wrong, but all I was thinking was I love her just the way she is. It really doesn't bother me if she have all these metal issues. I do have a feeling that she rely on me for her happiness, therefore that night when I accidentally scare her, it got her thinking. It got her thinking that what if I leave and things end, she does't want to be the one who gets dumped. Therefore she took actions first to prevent herself getting hurt in the future.