Hottest Love with the coldest end

[dreamjuice]

Hello, I'm Samantha and I dated my first love for nearly 7 months. I'm 16 and he turned 18 within a few months of our relationship.

I know he was only my first boyfriend, but we had such a connection. We got on so well, he was my best friend as well as my boyfriend. He taught me about myself and life in general. He really opened up to me, he had a bad childhood and came from a rough background but it didn't matter to me. He was so happy. I was too, and when I first met him he was like a normal teenage boy. Then he turned 18 and things changed.

I've been going through a hard time lately and unfortunately I took it out on him. The last month of our relationship was terrible, we were constantly fighting and hardly spoke when I went away for two weeks. Even though it was going bad, we still loved each other. We stayed at each others house almost every night, and even when we'd had the worst day we'd end up in bed curled up together as if nothing had changed.

One night I just got scared, I was scared he would leave me so I ended it. We've broken up before but this is the worst time. We've been broken up for 3 months now and I haven't heard from him. Even worse, he's slagging me off on social networking sites. I know this is because he's hurt but he says he can't stand me, I'm boring and I no longer excite him and I believe him. I know that I'm still young and I will have plenty of other loves, but I don't want anyone but him right now. I have spent 3 months dating other people and nobody compares to him. He's still my baby.

I've written this as a last resort to anyone that can help me. I desperately want him back. I will change, I have changed so much since he's been gone and I took him for granted. I have no idea what I can do though. He's deleted my number, all my social networking sites and doesn't ever want to get in touch. The whole 'look like you're having fun without him' isn't working, nor has the begging and pleading and apologizing either. I know you have to move on from these things, but to me he really is worth fighting for. Every time I fight for him though, I end up making it worse.

Please help me, any advice is welcome.

[smackie9]

Sorry but he has made that decision not to be with you and there is nothing you can do about it.

[mollymari]

Sorry your going through this. Young love is never easy to lose. I'm sure you've heard this many times but here it is again none the less; you are young.
This boy, your 'baby' may be the cats meow. Only the two of you know what the scoop is between you.
Losing someone that you yourself broke up with and then wanted back and then, well, surprise, they claim they don't want you, well, that's rough to a T.

Hey, it could be he's really been hurt by this break up and is driving it on home to make sure your hurting too.
Yet one would think the need to change on an elemental level for someone is push. Changing is difficult. Why do you have to change for this young man?

If you really want him back and have already exhausted the apologies. Well, don't beg. Be honest but yeah, don't beg or plead. Your going to have to give this some more time (in my humble opinion). If he's ignoring you on the social sites for all to see, well, there's a little insight into his character don't you think? I mean, would you do that? to him? A nice social flagging? Sounds rather mean does it not? Taking a private matter and sharing it with the World of online friends, of people that actually know you personally, for all to see? Ouch and Weak weak weak.

He may be a great guy making some great mistakes and yeah, in time, perhaps the wounds will heal and you two will find your way back to each other, if this is meant; but time is what's needed here and this will not be easy one single little bit.
You need to accept the notion that perhaps, perhaps, the Universe has someone else in mind for you.

[HeartIsAching]

Sorry you're going through this now young lady... and I know it doesn't help now, but someday you'll be saying it to others - everyone goes though this, and it will get better.

What you need to do right now is assess what you did well, and what you didn't do well, and take those lessons to heart for future relationships.

Frankly, I can see a couple of things:

"One night I just got scared, I was scared he would leave me so I ended it."

This is you making assumptions, and then to add insult to injury you made a decision for him that hurt you too. Don't make assumptions about your partner's feelings or intentions, don't try to make decisions for them, and don't self-sabotage.

[mollymari]

Yup, well said. Assumptions weighed on a lover's outlook, for lack of better words, is never a good idea.
We may be able to tell a little of how their feeling but not the core stuff, no, only they know that.

I like what H.I.A is saying. Yes, assess the good bits, the not so good bits and learn for your future. Good advice.

Stay bright

[dreamjuice]

Thankyou to all of you for the feedback. I'm coming to terms with the whole breakup, it's just such a shame that it turned out so horribly. I would have liked us to be friends. Is there any chance this could happen?

[smackie9]

Most don't feel the need to be "friends" and would rather make a clean break to move on.

[dreamjuice]

Most don't feel the need to be "friends" and would rather make a clean break to move on.

Okay, I get that. Why does he hate me though?

[michelle23]

He doesnt hate you. Hes just being defensive and immature. My advice is to ignore him and move on. Strong couples dont break up, they work through it and fix whatever is wrong. Your both young, you both have a lot to learn and you should just learn from this experience. I had an 8 month relationship at your age and looking back now, we were never good for each other... if you ignore him and act like your moving on-it may spur him on to give you some attention but again thats immature, unhealthy and destructive.

Ignore, move on and focus on healing. If this gives you the reaction your hoping for then you need to tell him no more games or bullshit. But its better to just forget him and move on

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[dreamjuice]

That's really helpful. Thankyou for your input