Feeling sad...Have we just lost the spark or is this curable ?

[danny444]

Its been a beautiful relationship,but the spark that was initially there seems to have been lost. Can someone's past really have a strong influence on their present and future relationships ? After asking her about her past, I just got depressed with all things that she has done with other men. I seem to suffer from retroactive jealousy and just can't seem to get over her past. Without going into details and making this post long, I think I have kinda lost respect for her for FWB and other things that she has done casually. I only have done 5% of stuff she has done and maybe this is creating a problem or maybe hurting my ego or pride (unfortunately I have to accept it).

Can retroactive jealousy really be overcomed ?
Why do I feel inferior when it comes to physical compatibility ? The answer maybe her wild experiences before but the mental images kill me. It also crops when I get intimate with her. ALmost after every session, I tend to get depressed.
All she has to say is "I can't do anything about it. Get over it"

The thing is she is the perfect girl every guy will desire and she has been honest with me totally (I really really appreciate this). But,maybe she revealing too many details has killed me inside. Its been 7 months and I am unable to get over this. There's a day when I wake up and feel "fk the past man,she is with me today and she is the perfect girl I desire" and there is another day when I feel pathetic and deeply hurt and find it difficult to sleep.This has to do with my conservative upbringing as well.

I know I only have 2 choices :

1) Stay with her. The difficult things are : her glorious past,mental images,her immature behaviour at times, our differences in personality (she is way too outgoing and I am way too reserved). Her idea of spending good time- hit the disc,booze and have some fun. I am the complete opposite. Sex for her is fun,whereas for me it is making love.

2) Move on. This is also difficult considering our emotional involvement and its easy to say there are a lot of fishes in the sea,but in a way we do feel we compliment each other. I sometimes think a lot of this coz if I can't see the beautiful soul and will just be judgemental,then maybe she deserves someone who will appreciate her.

I stick to option 1,then feel like going with option 2. Then when we both find it difficult,we stick with option 1 and the cycle continues....

[TablesandChairs]

You have to own your jealousy - it's an insecure part of you that gets hung up on all this and you'll run into it time and time again unless you choose to date virgins only. My partner has had more sexual partners than me...but why would I care? What matters is the here and now and frankly, relationships have enough issues in the present without bring what happened before they even met you into discussion.

It's up to you - things like her being more outgoing and fun-loving may not change. You could see that as a good thing - when we're with people who are a bit different to us, it challenges us, propels us to explore things we may not have previously (for example, my ex was an adventurer...I did things I never would have (like sky diving etc) and I'm happy I did.

Unless you date virgins only, you won't know what someone's past has been like exactly...and many won't tell you because they will consider it a private matter.

[Boisdevie]

You're clearly not compatible. So end it and move on, perhaps try to find a nice virgin.

[Peaches1605]

/ultimately, the decision is yours, but re-read what you've written and think about what you'd say to someone else. My opinion is that you are not compatible, and you should end it to stop any further feelings of depression/jealousy. Relationships are meant to enhance you're current life, not control it.

Hope this helps!