pointing out she is crazy?

[Issen]

My girlfriend thinks herself is crazy and annoying. Recently she thinks I find her crazy, annoying and hard to be with as well, therefore she been trying to push me into telling her "I think you are crazy and annoying". The fact is yes, I do find her crazy and annoying sometime but that is like everyone. Beside, her pros over covers her cons and to be honest I really don't mind her craziness, in fact I think that is part of her charm. Anyway, I always told her 'I love you', 'I don't mind', 'you are not crazy', 'Thinking that will be crazy' etc etc etc. It usually will get her to settle far a period of time but then it will rise up again, she continues to purposely doing things to upset me. Then until recently we had a huge fight and this topic was brought up, I finally lost my temper and yell at her 'What the **** you want?' She replied saying 'I don't know, can you please tell me?' while crying and sad. Then I calm my emotion and ask her softly 'What you mean? Tell you what?' She went silence for 2 second but I can hear her crying, then said 'right there two seconds ago when you lost it, can please tell me?' She sounded really upset and begging me. I love her so much and I really don't care about her craziness but if I actually called her out and tell her what she wants to hear, will it help?

[basilandthyme]

Ummm.....sounds to me like she IS crazy and annoying.

Anyway, I think you've done exactly the right thing. Giving constant reassurance to someone who's driving you nuts only reinforces their behaviour. Responding with how you are fed up with this behaviour is a much better reaction.

If I were in your shoes, I'd tell her that most of the time I really enjoy her company. But when she gets neurotic like this, that she does my head in. I'd say that I don't enjoy listening to her go on with this crap and that if she keeps it up it will ultimately drive me away.

You also need to let her know that doing things to purposely upset you is unacceptable and that if it keeps up, you will leave her.

These are not to be used as threats. You must mean it and be prepared to follow through....otherwise she'll walk over you forever.

[TablesandChairs]

What are you defining as crazy here? What does she do/say during her crazy times?

[Issen]

Like she can gets really upset easily, extreme low self-esteem, yell at me for getting her to much flower -_-, I started to like a certain type of food after she introduces to me but she think I only like it to impress her, get upset with me because I don't know my best friend's address although I know how to get there etc etc etc

[4 ratties]

Sounds like a pyscho

[Ugly_Swan]

Like she can gets really upset easily, extreme low self-esteem, yell at me for getting her to much flower -_-, I started to like a certain type of food after she introduces to me but she think I only like it to impress her, get upset with me because I don't know my best friend's address although I know how to get there etc etc etc

LOL no girl should yell about getting too many flowers!

ok I don't have enough information on the situation to assess what exactly is going on, but here are two different possibilities:

1. Maybe she IS "psycho". Like a personality disorder (ex. BPD). Where she is so scared of losing you etc. that she always pushes the boundaries and doesn't know what the proper boundaries are, how to feel safe, etc.

2. Maybe she is doubting the relationship and so is (maybe unintentionally) sabotaging the relationship by testing it. It would explain why flowers make her yell--i.e. she feels trapped or frustrated because you love her so well yet she cannot reciprocate.

[TablesandChairs]

If you love her, perhaps encourage her to get some professional help.

[michelle23]

Ya shes v insecure and has abandonment issues. Id encourage her to get a few sessions of counselling. Shes pushing you away coz shes convinced your gonna leave anyway.. this isnt healthy and she needs to get better

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[Issen]

Thanks for your advice! She had a really low self esteem and throughout the relationship she always thinks she isn't good enough. She also suffer from eating disorder and depression. Also I have a slight passively dominate personality but not control freak or anything close to that. Her actions had increased when one day I had enough and she end up thinking I was going to break up with her. Which I later on told her that I wasn't, 'don't be silly'

[Issen]

LOL no girl should yell about getting too many flowers!

ok I don't have enough information on the situation to assess what exactly is going on, but here are two different possibilities:

1. Maybe she IS "psycho". Like a personality disorder (ex. BPD). Where she is so scared of losing you etc. that she always pushes the boundaries and doesn't know what the proper boundaries are, how to feel safe, etc.

2. Maybe she is doubting the relationship and so is (maybe unintentionally) sabotaging the relationship by testing it. It would explain why flowers make her yell--i.e. she feels trapped or frustrated because you love her so well yet she cannot reciprocate.

Thanks for your advice! She had a really low self esteem and throughout the relationship she always thinks she isn't good enough. She also suffer from eating disorder and depression. Also I have a slight passively dominate personality but not control freak or anything close to that. Her actions had increased when one day I had enough and she end up thinking I was going to break up with her. Which I later on told her that I wasn't, 'don't be silly'

[Issen]

If you love her, perhaps encourage her to get some professional help.

Never really a fan of a mental doctor because those doctor often makes perception when they don't really know the full picture. I mean I know they are doing the right thing but often ignore the deep feeling of the patient. Therefore throughout the relationship, instead of encourage her to seek those help, I actually rejects it by saying things like,'I think you are normal and fine.' 'you don't need to see a doctor'. I did that with the intention of comforting so she doesn't see herself as un-normal. But now I am starting to encourage her to see docto

[TablesandChairs]

Issen, you're not giving her the right advice here - you're not a psychiatrist. You're her partner. Big difference. This girl has issues that you are not qualified to help her with. Hasn't worked thus far, has it? A mental health professional does look at the deeper issues - they look at a lot of things. It's their job. She has an eating disorder, depression, low self esteem...why on earth would you think she doesn't need to see a doctor? You're going around telling her things are fine because maybe that suits you but it's not working for her - she's constantly questioning her sanity because she knows something is wrong.

Going to a psych doesn't mean you're 'crazy' - that's very out-dated thinking. All people have issues, some more than others due to their upbringing, life experiences and so forth. Talking through things can help a lot.

[Issen]

Issen, you're not giving her the right advice here - you're not a psychiatrist. You're her partner. Big difference. This girl has issues that you are not qualified to help her with. Hasn't worked thus far, has it? A mental health professional does look at the deeper issues - they look at a lot of things. It's their job. She has an eating disorder, depression, low self esteem...why on earth would you think she doesn't need to see a doctor? You're going around telling her things are fine because maybe that suits you but it's not working for her - she's constantly questioning her sanity because she knows something is wrong.

Going to a psych doesn't mean you're 'crazy' - that's very out-dated thinking. All people have issues, some more than others due to their upbringing, life experiences and so forth. Talking through things can help a lot.

Thanks for the reply, I now do encourage her to see a doctor. It just hurts me to see her calling herself un-normal and annoying, the sadness on her face strikes me hard, therefore I try to sugar coat and thinking it may make her feel better. The irony is after all these awfully mean words and action she did to me, she justify them by telling me 'Life is not far.'

[michelle23]

Thanks for your advice! She had a really low self esteem and throughout the relationship she always thinks she isn't good enough. She also suffer from eating disorder and depression. Also I have a slight passively dominate personality but not control freak or anything close to that. Her actions had increased when one day I had enough and she end up thinking I was going to break up with her. Which I later on told her that I wasn't, 'don't be silly'

Your both dysfunctional. Look up shining knight syndrome in detail. Any healthy man would run a mile from this girl but your trying to fix her. It wont work. Your gonna fall on your own sword

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[Ugly_Swan]

Your both dysfunctional. Look up shining knight syndrome in detail. Any healthy man would run a mile from this girl but your trying to fix her. It wont work. Your gonna fall on your own sword

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oooo I love that analogy - "You're gonna fall on your own sword"
(lol yes, i fixed the "your" part XD)