I hope u read all and actually leave your opinion. I've been going to a therapist to get some help as there are two things i wanted ( and am) working on..
1. Be more confident.
2. Try to be more peaceful.
I'll try to keep it simple. I want to be more confident so that i feel better, im too shy and sometimes get anxious, social phobia, but i do notice that when i do start talking i start feeling "normal", so through cognitive behavioral therapy i have started and have felt that i feel happier, react calmer to things i might not like, but it's a process.
One of the biggest challenges is my household though. Im 19, (this is where the peaceful thing comes in) my dad is insane, a piece of trash, wont bother explaining more but hes shit, and this is where it gets me.
I go all the way to a therapist to try to be more confident with those around me, i try to rethink things in my mind so that i dont take things too seriously and try to be more calm, happy, i try to look into my self and fix what might need fixing, but my father who is a total idiot and ass doesnt change, doesnt want to change, everyday he does things i dont like im human after all but ive tried to fix the way i respond and i have improved, but today i see a bottle of beer, hes drunk, he makes a spill in the fridge, my mom reacts angry he gets angrier because he fears confrontation so he tries to attack the situation ( thats how i see it, and what i dont want in me) and at that moment i go up to him and talk to him about the situation, i start off calm but he doesnt listen and it basically just ends in him saying hes done nothing wrong, basically he wont change, i got pissed, cried a little , all while justifying this to my self by saying that im just human, and that as long as i realize what i did and try to fix upon it, i can advance as a person but....
Dont you think that its impossible to live in a situation like this? Im doing all i can to change, while living with two people who dont know where to begin and dont want to either when it comes to changing, i can change how i react, but i will always live with the same people, its not right for me to live like this. My mother is afraid of me even talking to him, these are the two reasons.
Shes afraid she might get pissed and might kill someone.
She doesnt want the neigbors to listen.
She basically doesnt understand me, and is a hyprocrite who doesnt like to try to fix things, while he is basically an angrier version of this, while i try to be insightful into myself and make a difference, they go away, theres a quote that says...
"time changes things, thats what people say, its not true, doing things changes things, not doing things leaves things exactly as they were".
She has never try to fix anything in herself or her husband because she is afraid of what her friends or family might say, or she doesnt like to think about it, and hes basically so insane he thinks hes right, point is, i truly believe that i shouldnt be too hard on my self and should believe that the way i reacted today which was angry was correct, because here are two people who will never change, im only human, i can work on controlling my way of seeing things, but this is like trying to find new ways to hold on to a rope with wolfs waiting beneath, u might find new better ways to hang on but these wolves are still there.
iT IS AN INJUSTICE.