Well, I was in a twelve year relationship and ended it because I wasn't in love with my ex at all. Couldn't go the rest of my life agonizing of what could have been. So we had a messy break up and shortly after I started dating a girl whom I liked. She was ready for a serious relationship and I obviously wasn't. I regretfully caused her heartbreak numerous times and just couldn't commit even though that was what I ultimately wanted. Problem was, I wasn't in love with her. After the last time we broke up she started dating another guy who she has grown attached too. She called me about 2 months ago and asked her why I didn't love her. I didn't have an answer for her. Shortly after she broke up with this other guy and I started realizing (after dating many different women) that I still cared for her. The last few months has been fairly turbulent with some ups and downs. She stopped talking to me for almost two weeks and I finally contacted her because I was completely left in the dark. I didn't know if she hated me, was sick, or depressed, I was truly worried. She just told me her and this other guy just got back together during her silence. I didn't even realize they were working things out. After reflecting for the last two months thinking about everything I liked about her, I came to the conclusion that I am absolutely in love with her and missed her with all my heart. She has been fantastic to me and treated me like the only man in the world for her when her and I were together. Never been with a girl that was so accepting of me. None of the girls I dated even came remotely close to how I feel about her. She told me when we were together she was in love with me. I just told her I was in love with her before I realized she was back together with this other guy. She got upset and severed contact with me again and broke up with this other guy. I understand she is going through a dilemma right now and needs time to heal, but I am so damn scared I'll never get to see her again. I love her with all my heart and it pains me to see her so upset. I am so scared the damaged caused by my earlier antics has created damage that can never be healed. She says she forgave all my misdoings because she understood I wasn't ready. I am ready now and I know it. This hurt because she is my best friend and the greatest lover I have ever had by far. We enjoy each others company and got along very well when things were normal. Her family loves me despite everything and thinks her and I should be together. Her daughter even contacted me via facebook and ask me if I liked her mom and suggested I send roses which in hindsight would be a bad idea at this point. I know she still has deep feelings for me, she has told me so, but she is so scared I will hurt her again. All I can do is give her space and hope. I am a mess right now and haven't stop crying like a wuss since our last interaction. Anyway, just needed to get my thoughts out somewhere. Thanks for listening anyone that read this.