May have lost her

[shakin13]

Well, I was in a twelve year relationship and ended it because I wasn't in love with my ex at all. Couldn't go the rest of my life agonizing of what could have been. So we had a messy break up and shortly after I started dating a girl whom I liked. She was ready for a serious relationship and I obviously wasn't. I regretfully caused her heartbreak numerous times and just couldn't commit even though that was what I ultimately wanted. Problem was, I wasn't in love with her. After the last time we broke up she started dating another guy who she has grown attached too. She called me about 2 months ago and asked her why I didn't love her. I didn't have an answer for her. Shortly after she broke up with this other guy and I started realizing (after dating many different women) that I still cared for her. The last few months has been fairly turbulent with some ups and downs. She stopped talking to me for almost two weeks and I finally contacted her because I was completely left in the dark. I didn't know if she hated me, was sick, or depressed, I was truly worried. She just told me her and this other guy just got back together during her silence. I didn't even realize they were working things out. After reflecting for the last two months thinking about everything I liked about her, I came to the conclusion that I am absolutely in love with her and missed her with all my heart. She has been fantastic to me and treated me like the only man in the world for her when her and I were together. Never been with a girl that was so accepting of me. None of the girls I dated even came remotely close to how I feel about her. She told me when we were together she was in love with me. I just told her I was in love with her before I realized she was back together with this other guy. She got upset and severed contact with me again and broke up with this other guy. I understand she is going through a dilemma right now and needs time to heal, but I am so damn scared I'll never get to see her again. I love her with all my heart and it pains me to see her so upset. I am so scared the damaged caused by my earlier antics has created damage that can never be healed. She says she forgave all my misdoings because she understood I wasn't ready. I am ready now and I know it. This hurt because she is my best friend and the greatest lover I have ever had by far. We enjoy each others company and got along very well when things were normal. Her family loves me despite everything and thinks her and I should be together. Her daughter even contacted me via facebook and ask me if I liked her mom and suggested I send roses which in hindsight would be a bad idea at this point. I know she still has deep feelings for me, she has told me so, but she is so scared I will hurt her again. All I can do is give her space and hope. I am a mess right now and haven't stop crying like a wuss since our last interaction. Anyway, just needed to get my thoughts out somewhere. Thanks for listening anyone that read this.

[michelle23]

She was a rebound. Get over it. Your only pissed now coz she finally got tired of your crap and decided to move on.

You started dating too soon after your breakup. You cant just hop from one person to another and back again. If your not ready for committment than be alone and stop messing with peoples feelings

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[Heart Healer]

Hi shakin13,

"..the damaged caused by my earlier antics has created damage that can never be healed "


Exactly !!
When you become too much indecisive of things in your relationships and love, when you try to manipulate, judge and evaluate things a lot in your relationship, when this dilemma occupies your head to much an extend...things like this is bound to happen.
You broke up first with your girlfriend because you admit you never loved her? Tell me, what was the point in getting into a relationship with her at all when you never had feelings for her? You broke her heart, she cursed you with same. For 12 years, she trusted you and you lied her. Then, you dated this girl but never committed to her because you were not sure with your feelings. You guys broke up. Now, when she got herself involved with another guy, you suddenly realized that you loved her? Why is it always that you decide onto things only after they have left you ? Thereafter you dated many women, but they never satisfied you. And now you want to get back to her.

You are a person who loves to play with other's emotions. Girls and women to you are toys who could be used and thrown. You feel there is no harm in dating with them, playing with their emotions and feelings, lie to them about how you feel about them and then leave them because they are not worth you. Love, feelings, emotions mean nothing to you at all.

Personally speaking what happened with you is justified in every way. Perhaps, you deserved this. Perhaps, God wants you to understand what it means to feel love for someone, how bad it feels when someone break your heart and how you feel like crying.

A word of advise for you : Don't play with other's emotions and feelings. Someone just do the honor of accepting you. Value your relationships and decide onto things without taking that long. Longer you'll take to decide and act upon things, difficult things will become for people who depend on you.

[shakin13]

She was a rebound. Get over it. Your only pissed now coz she finally got tired of your crap and decided to move on.

You started dating too soon after your breakup. You cant just hop from one person to another and back again. If your not ready for committment than be alone and stop messing with peoples feelings

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I am not "pissed" as you eloquently put it and yeah duh of course it was a rebound. Pretty sure I mentioned I wasn't ready to commit but yes I admit I was wrong in doing so. Well, thanks for the judgement and no real contribution, very helpful.

[shakin13]

Hi shakin13,

"..the damaged caused by my earlier antics has created damage that can never be healed "


Exactly !!
When you become too much indecisive of things in your relationships and love, when you try to manipulate, judge and evaluate things a lot in your relationship, when this dilemma occupies your head to much an extend...things like this is bound to happen.
You broke up first with your girlfriend because you admit you never loved her? Tell me, what was the point in getting into a relationship with her at all when you never had feelings for her? You broke her heart, she cursed you with same. For 12 years, she trusted you and you lied her. Then, you dated this girl but never committed to her because you were not sure with your feelings. You guys broke up. Now, when she got herself involved with another guy, you suddenly realized that you loved her? Why is it always that you decide onto things only after they have left you ? Thereafter you dated many women, but they never satisfied you. And now you want to get back to her.

You are a person who loves to play with other's emotions. Girls and women to you are toys who could be used and thrown. You feel there is no harm in dating with them, playing with their emotions and feelings, lie to them about how you feel about them and then leave them because they are not worth you. Love, feelings, emotions mean nothing to you at all.

Personally speaking what happened with you is justified in every way. Perhaps, you deserved this. Perhaps, God wants you to understand what it means to feel love for someone, how bad it feels when someone break your heart and how you feel like crying.

A word of advise for you : Don't play with other's emotions and feelings. Someone just do the honor of accepting you. Value your relationships and decide onto things without taking that long. Longer you'll take to decide and act upon things, difficult things will become for people who depend on you.

Yes, I was a train wreck when we first got together and definitely made things difficult. You are right, I wasn't the best person in the world but I do really truly love her and regret all the harm I cause her.

I don't believe I said I was "never" in love with my ex girlfriend because in fact I was. Problem with my ex was she had unresolved issues with her childhood and I was also essentially a rebound in the early stages of our relationship. I never got used to being her punching bag and could never reason with her. She was content just existing and I was not. Again, I don't admit I was perfect but the effort was not there on the other side either, it was the right thing to do ending that relationship.

Back on topic, I realize I loved her after I thought her and this guy weren't an item anymore and that is the truth. I had no idea they were talking. My feelings re-emerge when I thought he was out of the picture. I reflected and realized how absolutely wonderful she has been to me and I wanted to reciprocate that love back to her. It took me along time to realize. I have never had love develop this way before, but I know it is real.

I don't love to play with people's emotions as you put it, my reasons are more selfish. I hate being alone when I am depressed, hence the rebound relationship. I never have been brave enough to face the world on my own 2 feet. Yes I have lied in the past which I have come clean with, but I lied because I don't have the courage to be honest when things get difficult. I don't like hurting peoples even when it may be the most ethical thing to do. I am a good hearted person but cowardly and find confronting certain realities hard.

I did get what I deserved I cannot deny it. I have been heartbroken many times so this is nothing new. I am not a player like you are portray me to be, I honestly just want to meet the love of my life. I want a loving family, children, and someone to grow old with I can truly call my love. My ex accused me of being narcissistic which I don't think is true. I may have some narcissistic tendencies, but my heart only ever wanted true love with someone who loved me equally in return. That is something I have never experienced before. This girl gave me 100% of her heart. Never have I felt such unconditional love, and the thought of losing that is devastating.

[michelle23]

I am not "pissed" as you eloquently put it and yeah duh of course it was a rebound. Pretty sure I mentioned I wasn't ready to commit but yes I admit I was wrong in doing so. Well, thanks for the judgement and no real contribution, very helpful.

Lol love the defensivness. Sorry if i didnt make it clear. My contribution was to sort yourself out, be alone until you figure your shit out and stop playing with peoples feelings in the meantime. You dont really want this girl at all. Let her be happy

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[michelle23]

Btw narcissistic tendencies as you put it IS narcissistic.

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[shakin13]

It doesn't matter, karma is a bitch. I am left in unbearable pain and I have nobody but myself to blame. I can take responsibility for my own actions. I'll just fight everyday to keep my sanity until I start feeling normal again. You are absolutely wrong, I do really truly love her. My reasons for loving her aren't based on the previous weeks but on what she has been to me in the past. I wasn't capable of love when we were together, yet I always felt it was highly possible. That is one of the reason I found it so hard to let her go in the first place. Love isn't a word I use very often, she is only the 3rd person I have ever said that too.

[michelle23]

Im sorry your hurting but its too late now. You said yourself you put her through a lot. Learn from this and dont make the same mistakes

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[shakin13]

Thank you, I appreciate your kinds words and feedback.