Meeting up with my Ex boyfriend - advice needed.

[thatgirlcarlz]

My ex and I broke up almost 3 weeks ago. We'd been together 5 months.(we met online I'm 31 he's 28) He was the one who decided to end it as he said I didn't trust him and that I wasn't ready for a relationship. He said I needed time to sort myself out and if that took a few weeks or a few months if we're meant to be we'll be. At the time I was adamant that this wasn't the case however now that the dust is starting to settle I understand his view point. The ironic thing being that looking back I did trust him I just didn't see it. In my previous relationship I was cheated on and I fully admit that the hurt I experienced in that I inadvertently brought into my new relationship.

The day after the break up was my birthday (great timing!) he text me and wished me a happy birthday and said that he would give me my card and presents when he sees me next. I didn't respond. 4 days later he text again asking if I was ok. I responded the next morning saying I was doing the best I could do. He replied immediately saying the same and that he was trying to keep busy.

I have been trying my best to do no contact but I caved last week; again he responded straight away. He said again he was trying to keep busy etc and that he tried to get in touch with one of my friends to ask them to keep an eye on me and to make sure I was doing ok but they had deleted and blocked him from Facebook. I explained to him that they were angry at him. He said this made him feel even shittier. He then reminded me that he still had my birthday card/present and to keep smiling.

I've been away on a girls break for the last few days and after much soul searching decided that I would like to see him. I took the plunge yesterday and text saying "we'd have to meet for that drink soon". He replied saying "he should be free next week!?" I have told him that's ok with me and to let me know when he's free.

The one big sticking point for me right now though is that a few days after we split up I discovered he was online dating again. A friend saw his profile on the same dating site she is on. Which also coincides to the 12 women he's suddenly added to his Facebook page in the last couple of weeks. He doesn't know that I know he has a dating profile so whilst it hurts like hell knowing that he could potentially move on already I can't get angry with him for it.

I'm feeling very confused and would dearly love some advice on how I can handle meeting up with him. I've read so much stuff online about what I should and shouldn't bring up in conversation that it's overwhelming me.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thankyou.

[michelle23]

Its already over. Saying all that stuff to you was his way of letting you down gently. If he really cared and was genuinly upset he wouldnt have moved on 5minutes later. Does that not make you angry? Id be fuming if i were you!

If he really wanted you-he never would have dumped you. You need to accept its over.

Dont meet him. Instead text him and say its a bad idea, no contact is better so you can both move on. Tell him there is no going back and forget about him

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[Skeptical]

Do not contact him. Obviously he is not interested in you, and that is why he wanted to end it. He did not want to hurt your feelings by saying it straight so he tried to be nice and gave you lame reasons.

Meeting an ex or being their friend is never a good idea

[Wakeup]

You are setting yourself up to be someone he ****s and chucks or, if you're really stupid enough.. someone he shelves just long enough to keep ****ing and hoovering you back whenever he gets an urge and is currently without options.

You didn't know him that long. Stay the hell away from him (and other guys), work on coming to terms with your ex baggage so that you don't have that pink elephant in your way and then think about dating when you're more confident and capable of seeing red flags when they rear up. Right now you obviously see them, but you're waffling on whether or not you should ignore them.... NEVER ignore red flags.

Your gut is telling you something.. that is why this thread exists. Listen to it and don't let him play with you.

BTW: Keep in mind that he may very well have wanted you but broke up with you because he didn't want to deal with your past relationship baggage. Most good men would not want to. Keep that in mind so that when you find someone who isn't racking up female "friends" like pool balls before the first break, you'll be in a good frame of mind to pursue and be pursued.

[michelle23]

I second NEVER ignore red flags

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