Help and Advice thread update

[st66]

Thought I would put an update on here, I was going to add to the thread I had started but it's been closed for some reason?
Anyway mainly cos I'm feeling a bit down and wanted to get some of it out. So I have gone no contact for the last while and it has started to make me feel better, she has contacted me once a week/fortnight to which I replied but always tried to keep short and not rude.
So Thursday night my phone goes off and she is calling me, I stupidly answer it as it's late and I just do that if people ring me late, stupid I know, This then ended up being a very long conversation regarding our situation, she had been out so had a few in her and was in tears quite a lots talking about how much she misses me and how it's so hard for her to cope with us not being friends anymore, she hasn't been sleeping, waking up upset which is because she is missing me etc, she can't understand how I have managed to cut her out when we were so close for so long and we have gone from knowing everything about each other to nothing. Wants us to go back to being how we were but just friends, I questioned that and I knew she didn't really mean that. I explained why and said it''s to hard for me to spend time and then have to deal with us not being together and you being in a relationship, I know she understands it but doesn't want to accept it. I know she isn't completely happy anyway and even said she knows she can do better and doesn't know why she has kept going back. I said that's another reason I can't be involved with her when she is in this relationship knowing it's not all as perfect as she tries to make it out to be, said I have to be selfish and protect myself so I don't feel so bad all the time. It did make me think she is genuinely upset by it all, knows she has done wrong and has hurt me, but I also think it's loneliness that causes this as he is away a lot of the time and it used to be me that filled that void and now I'm not there she struggles.
I said I'll be honest I still want to be with you but that can't happen and because of that I have to step back and try ad move on. She also recalled some nights in when things were said and that she would ever forget them and one night if things had of happened that night things may of been different etc, that didn't really help hearing that so need to try and blank it out.
It's hard again mainly cos of the time of year and this time last year she was single and we were so close and to me going in the perfect direction it brings back hard memories.
ANyway sorry to bore you all again with this ever lasting saga but wanted to just write a few things down to get it off my chest.

[smackie9]

Your thread was closed probably because people derailed from them arguing off topic, which seems to happen a lot on here.

[st66]

Ah ok, I did look and wondered if because it hadn't been active for a while, no worries

[michelle23]

You need to stay strong and keep up no contact. Its the only way youll get over her. Its v selfish of her to try and keep you as a friend when she knows your hurting and want more. Shes just thinking of herself-not of your feelings. You need to be firm-tell her straight to leave you the f alone. Stop being so nice.

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[st66]

Yeah I know I do, I was going to post in the ask a female section to try and get some advice idea of why she wants to be friends again so strongly, is it cos deep down she wants more, is it cos she's really not happy and I used to mask that when we spent time together, is she being selfish, does she genuinely want to fix things and just be friends, she did say that but i could tell she knows we can't be and did say she thinks it is all or nothing with us and will come to that soon.
I'm basically useless at trying to understand what she wants because even when she says she knows she can do better she will still go back to lovey dovey wonderland when he gets back.

[michelle23]

Id say shes insecure-a bit of an attention whore. You feed her confidence by being around and her thinking she can just click her fingers and your there. Pick you up and drop you as she pleases. I think that is the only reason people try to stay friends with an ex. My ex wanted to be friends but i said no. I knew it was just some attempt at winning me back- so i said no you need to heal, get over me and move on with your life. It would have been selfish of me to keep him around when i knew he wanted me back

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[st66]

I completely agree with you, she should leave me to get over her and then we can be friends again, but at the same time she doesn't want me to because she wants what we had back so badly.
Very confused I think and for her sake as well as mine she needs to let me go as much as I need to let her go.