I angered her...she cut me off

[mylife13]

Hey…thanks for reading. I would really appreciate some advice here.

For a month-and-a-half I dated a 44 y/o Russian doctor, 14 years divorced, one grown son---I am much younger than her, never married, doctoral student. She initiated contact on a dating site. She was the more aggressive party---in terms of wanting to talk on the phone/Skype every night, wanting to go out on dates (she felt it took me too long to ask her out), wanting me to express more affection, and so on. But I made a few mistakes. For one, I jokingly called her a “prostitute” (in another language that I speak).

She wanted to cut off all contact with me. I called her and apologized---we made up. Then, I promised to Skype with her one night and left her waiting---I accidentally fell asleep. She canceled our date the next morning and wanted to stop dating---because of that and also because I took too long to confirm plans for our date. I apologized and promised her I wouldn’t let that happen again. We made up and she wanted us to go out that day---we did. Her interest went all the day up---very physical on the date, insisted on me calling her afterward when I got home (I did).

It continues like this through the week---“I miss you”, “I was thinking about you”---all of this constantly coming from her. I tend to play it cool, but she kept pressuring me to show more affection---when I did this a little bit, bowing to her pressure, she said that she just wanted me to ease up to make sure I wouldn’t move too fast so she wouldn’t be hurt. Obviously I was taken aback---I told her I was partly feigning that because of her insistence. She continued Skyping me the next few days and all the verbal affection, but I guess I got a little colder.

She got upset when I had to end a Skype conversation early one day due to my studies. Then, I did not speak to her for one day---I was partly busy, and partly just pulling back---again, as per her request. I contact her the day before our planned date (once again I failed to finalize plans) just to say hey and chat. She then said “I was going to ask you to cancel” our date. I simply said “k.” I logged off of Skype shortly after. I didn’t log back in or contact her at all for five days.

She blocked me on Skype on that fifth day (I know because we were still contacts the day before). She cut me off completely. She blocked me on Skype, she blocked my phone numbers. I’ve contacted her a few times through other mediums (over the course of two weeks), but she is not budging.

I would appreciate if someone would offer some insight as to why things turned out like that and if I can do anything to salvage this.

**TL;DR;** : After a turbulent, brief whirlwind of a relationship, girl cuts me off...how do I salvage this?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She's a drama queen and a crazy ass bitch. If she contacts you again, tell her to come over to your place to **** or else you're never talking to her again..and follow through on it.

[Ugly_Swan]

She felt you weren't taking enough initiative -- which would make her insecure or be suspicious of your intentions, since you are much younger/higher SMV. So she did the smart thing by cutting off contact when you wouldn't follow through on what you said you would do (enforcing her boundaries to prevent future disrespect) or because you weren't "masculine" enough.

The only way to salvage this would be to (if you are sincere and want her enough) show up to where she would be (after work, by her house, etc.) with flowers or something and a planned date. Just using digital/phone technology is lazy.

How do I know this? I may only be 23....but I, too, am a crazy Russian girl LOL

[Starnique]

Russians are crazy. I remember when I was in college and I had my ex with me when I stopped by the book store. This Russian girl was staring him down. He was a bad boy. I guess she wanted some of that hot chocolate. Anyway, she was staring hard and smiling and I was like, you see that bitch staring at you? He smiled and said, nah...chill out but I know he noticed. What a slut. She really wanted his ass. I could see it.

Anyway, this woman OP is older and maybe she's afraid of being taken advantage of. She's coming off way too strong because of this. I think it's insecurity on her part. She's bossy and forceful with a strong personality. No wonder she single. No man wants to deal with that attitude and all that lip

[Ugly_Swan]

Russians are crazy. I remember when I was in college and I had my ex with me when I stopped by the book store. This Russian girl was staring him down. He was a bad boy. I guess she wanted some of that hot chocolate. Anyway, she was staring hard and smiling and I was like, you see that bitch staring at you? He smiled and said, nah...chill out but I know he noticed. What a slut. She really wanted his ass. I could see it.

Anyway, this woman OP is older and maybe she's afraid of being taken advantage of. She's coming off way too strong because of this. I think it's insecurity on her part. She's bossy and forceful with a strong personality. No wonder she single. No man wants to deal with that attitude and all that lip

"She's bossy and forceful with a strong personality. " lol the irony of you using this to negatively describe her....

[mylife13]

She felt you weren't taking enough initiative -- which would make her insecure or be suspicious of your intentions, since you are much younger/higher SMV. So she did the smart thing by cutting off contact when you wouldn't follow through on what you said you would do (enforcing her boundaries to prevent future disrespect) or because you weren't "masculine" enough.

The only way to salvage this would be to (if you are sincere and want her enough) show up to where she would be (after work, by her house, etc.) with flowers or something and a planned date. Just using digital/phone technology is lazy.

How do I know this? I may only be 23....but I, too, am a crazy Russian girl LOL

Interestingly enough, she resided in Canada for a little while. Are you also from around the Toronto area?

Clearly, as far as getting in touch with her I do not have many options to exercise. That option, however, scares me. Reason being---well, can you say "restraining order?" It's a high risk move. She's a physician at a hospital...I mean, waiting in the parking lot? Of course how a woman reacts to a man's pursuit is based on how attracted she is to him (anger or feelings of hurt aside), how extreme the action is, etc. But I get butterflies just thinking of it. Sometimes you have to take risks when it comes to matters of the heart, but I wouldn't want to entangle myself in a situation where I'm accused of stalking.

[Starnique]

What's positive about being forceful and bossy? No man with security and things going for himself is going to tolerate that.

There's nothing wrong with having a strong personality. I come from a family full of strong minded women. Sometimes your greatest strength can be your greatest weakness. Take this old, bitter woman the OP is describing for an example. She probably is used to getting shitted on and now have the no nonsense attitude, which is understandable but she needs to learn how to balance it. She seems bitter and intolerant and impatient. She strong but she runs off men like crazy probably. Men like women with their own minds and self respect but being over the top and forceful is a turn off.

[mylife13]

Starnique is totally right. She is extremely strong-willed. She kept talking about her last boyfriend (6 months)---he was obese. She gave him a time table for losing weight and said if he could not meet it, she would dump him. That's what happened.

That's not a problem for me (I'm very muscular, little body fat, 6-foot-3), but will there be other issues possibly? Sure. But I guess I'm just at that point where I'm infatuated and I want to give it a go. We've all been there...you head is telling you no, but...

[Ugly_Swan]

LOL yes I've been living in Toronto since I was 8!

And yes, I knew you were going to bring up the "stalker" risks, that's why I figured you wouldn't do it. Lol only a true man passes that test of properly pursuing the lady >.> haha jk but not really jk (I had someone that did those things and I used to think he was "the love of my life").

So yeah, that's why it depends on your sincerity and how much you want her.

She is older than you so I would imagine your intentions are not very serious so no point in doing anything crazy.

[Ugly_Swan]

What's positive about being forceful and bossy? No man with security and things going for himself is going to tolerate that.

There's nothing wrong with having a strong personality. I come from a family full of strong minded women. Sometimes your greatest strength can be your greatest weakness. Take this old, bitter woman the OP is describing for an example. She probably is used to getting shitted on and now have the no nonsense attitude, which is understandable but she needs to learn how to balance it. She seems bitter and intolerant. She strong but she runs off men like crazy probably. Men like women with their own minds and self respect but being over the top and forceful is a turn off.

I meant it's ironic because from your previous posts you seem like the bossy/easily-hostile type yourself.

[Ugly_Swan]

Starnique is totally right. She is extremely strong-willed. She kept talking about her last boyfriend (6 months)---he was obese. She gave him a time table for losing weight and said if he could not meet it, she would dump him. That's what happened.

That's not a problem for me (I'm very muscular, little body fat, 6-foot-3), but will there be other issues possibly? Sure. But I guess I'm just at that point where I'm infatuated and I want to give it a go. We've all been there...you head is telling you no, but...

lol it is very very unlikely to work out in the long run (you're a young doctor-to-be in shape and she is old and with a child). Just give it some time and you'll let it go.

[mylife13]

LOL yes I've been living in Toronto since I was 8!

And yes, I knew you were going to bring up the "stalker" risks, that's why I figured you wouldn't do it. Lol only a true man passes that test of properly pursuing the lady >.> haha jk but not really jk (I had someone that did those things and I used to think he was "the love of my life").

So yeah, that's why it depends on your sincerity and how much you want her.

She is older than you so I would imagine your intentions are not very serious so no point in doing anything crazy.

While I probably won't do it, I figure if I'm dead set on knowing her it's at least worth considering. What did the "love of your life" do when he was "pursuing" you?

[Ugly_Swan]

While I probably won't do it, I figure if I'm dead set on knowing her it's at least worth considering. What did the "love of your life" do when he was "pursuing" you?

waited for me in front of my building for 2 hours after i told him i'm not gonna leave my bf for him

one time also i was leaving home early morning on march 8/women's day and he was there with flowers (ran up behind me, by my home)

[mylife13]

waited for me in front of my building for 2 hours after i told him i'm not gonna leave my bf for him

one time also i was leaving home early morning on march 8/women's day and he was there with flowers (ran up behind me, by my home)

Why didn't you feel threatened by that? Don't you think a lot of women might be alarmed by that kind of behavior?

[Ugly_Swan]

Why didn't you feel threatened by that? Don't you think a lot of women might be alarmed by that kind of behavior?

I knew the guy for several months and I was only 18 or so at the time. So maybe I was less freaked out than I would be if it happened now. Cus I do remember being a liiiiiitle scared when I saw him waiting for me at my house.

But I didn't see a reason to judge it in such a negative light without seeing future behaviour. I think women nowadays are told to fear way too much stuff that needn't be scary. Maybe cus they no longer trust their own instincts...or because they no longer expect bold pursuit. I don't know. But it's all about CONTEXT. I.e. my impression of the guy, my instincts, how he behaves otherwise, etc.