is my boyfriend asking for too much?

[jennyfear]

Hi, we've been dating for 4 years now but live together for 4 months. Im a student, he is very well off guy. Everything is going quite ok, but i am confused about financial side..
He want's me to be a housewife, and he would take care of me. That would work for me, but i don't think he does his part...
He earns £10k per month and i earn £500
He only pays for things when we are together, like dinner or drinks at the bar
If i want to go somewhere to have fun, i have to pay for myself
I have to pay £250 per month for rent (i am part time extra/ model)
I buy food top-ups which is £10 here £20 there a week
I clean the house, cook, wait for him at home while he is in the casino gambling every other day as i can't afford to go out
I needed a coat for winter, i had to get it myself
I need a new laptop to get a better job as a graphic designer, he says i should as i can't afford it
I want to shout sometimes' but you fu**ing can!'
He literally lives his 'high life' and i get to enjoy it only when i go clubbing with him..
I work hard for my money to buy myself some nice things, and in the end people still think that i got it from my boyfriend, which annoys me ;/
I get 1-2 nice presents a year, never anything random.. its bday present and christmas..
got flowers only once in 4 years. He says ' next time when ill be thinking of buying you a rolex i'll buy you flowers instead'.
I love him, but i grew up with mentality that man has to take care of woman, and woman takes care of the house and this rent stuff and paying for everything myself and looking after him when he is 200 times richer than me is freaking me out. is that normal?

[BlueDog]

I would sit down and tell him this stuff..... Give him a bit of time to see if anything changes. If not, consider moving on....

[TheEvilJester]

It's a little hard for me to say. Sadly, in my country in this day and age, a family can very rarely survive on only one income. But, if that is still possible where you are from, then I don't see a problem with that. If he can easily afford to support you and himself, as well as any children you may want to have in the future if you remain together, then that is great for you both.

At the same time, if he is going to want you to be a housewife, he'll have to understand that means you giving up your financial freedom. So, for you to be okay with that, he will have to realize this means you have some financial needs as well, and that will become his responsibility. Now, that shouldn't mean you are free to just go crazy and buy whatever you want.... but by the same token, he should no longer be able to do that either. Expeditures should become a family discussion. However, what that does mean is he'll have to understand that things that you need (and, from time to time, things you want) are going to be his financial responsibility.

That can be just fine so long as you build your relationship on a foundation of trust, both financially and in other ways. And, so long as neither of you abuses that trust. Anyway, good luck either way. I hope things work out for you.

[pcmaster]

Well all the girls want to meet a rich guy who would take care of them. But life is not a fairy tail keep it real. Even if would pay for everything, eventualy you might stop making career and when you would split up you end up with nothing. Better dont count on anyone else or wish piece of other life. Just take care of your own life. Maybe he cant help you cause you dont ask. Also just because guy have more money doesnt mean that he owns you something. Dont blame anyone for not having what you want but prove yourself and achieve your dreams.
Maybe your BF wasnt always rich but he didnt made a poor choices and get where he is thru work ethic and being smart.

[jennyfear]

Well all the girls want to meet a rich guy who would take care of them. But life is not a fairy tail keep it real. Even if would pay for everything, eventualy you might stop making career and when you would split up you end up with nothing. Better dont count on anyone else or wish piece of other life. Just take care of your own life. Maybe he cant help you cause you dont ask. Also just because guy have more money doesnt mean that he owns you something. Dont blame anyone for not having what you want but prove yourself and achieve your dreams.
Maybe your BF wasnt always rich but he didnt made a poor choices and get where he is thru work ethic and being smart.

Maybe is asking me to pay rent to keep me with him? If i could keep my £500 to myself, he would be worried that i can move on? Is that possible?

[pcmaster]

This could be anything. Even if you have no idea how can I know? You know the guy better.

Seen cases where guy earns more and GF still pays her fair share of the rent. Some people believe in equality. No ones likes to be idiot or get used. Be happy that you dont get treated like poor person and are given this space to grow. You could easly become dependant if guy would pay for everything. Lots of young girls lives with 40 year olds alcoholics just because everything is free and they become addicted to that free life.

In your situation dude can be relaxed cause he know you dont like him for money but for who he is. This is a huge problem for guys with money cause they cant realy know is money or them who attracts the girl. Also if you look at celebreties their relatives always wants expensive stuff but they never get it. People always wants to use rich people and get free stuff and thats sad.

[toknow]

Definitely not normal. He should be much more generous with you. He should want to help you out. It should be pleasant for him to take care of you if he loves you.

[TheEvilJester]

I definitely agree that having financial independence can be a good thing. The only problem is, that isn't exactly helpful to a couple who wish to live with one or the other as the stay at home spouse, basically taking care of the house (and perhaps eventually children). It may be good advice to have some sort of degree or skills to fall back on in a worst case scenario. Typically it is good, though, to have income of your own. But, if you are your significant other would want to plan for you to be a housekeeper, then he should definitely realize this means the trade off that he has to be financially responsible for his needs and yours.

[basilandthyme]

He can't have it both ways. If he wants you to be a stay at home wife, he needs to support your needs. If he wants you to contribute to the finances of the house, then you need to be able to work more hours.

But all this has been about how he wants you to spend your time. What do YOU want? You mention Graphic Design.....are your and his goals compatible?

[Starnique]

It's always good to have your own income so when you do stuff or you all break up, you can have something for yourself. He makes way more money then you. He shouldn't expect you to meet him half way since he is the sole provider or claim he wants to be. You really shouldn't want for nothing since he doesn't. You need to communicate this with him. He see you have needs then you shouldn't even have to ask really. It's not all about money but if he got it, you should have it too.
Not saying that he has to buy you something everytime he buys himself something but your needs should be taken care of. You'll pay for what you can but he needs to do better.

I feel like if a girl is f ucking a guy on the regular, she shouldn't be struggling. I don't understand how a girl can be behind on her bills but you seeing somebody who is doing well but you struggling. Somethings not right with that.

[jennyfear]

its tricky.. He want's me to study, he want's me to work as a designer as well.. he want's me to look after the house.. he want's me to do everything! And he says he is providing for me by paying rest of the rent and bills :/
i want to be independent but I don't have to opportunity at the moment as i want to finish uni. He wants me to take student loan instead of him providing for me

[Starnique]

I could be wrong but he seems selfish. Why take out loans if you don't have to? Have you talked to him about this? I guess he feels like if he paying all the bills then you should take care of yourself or your personal wants which you can do but your needs like the coat and computer, he could've gotten. Break it down to him that way. I would just be like babe, I really appreciate what you do but I really needed a coat and a computer that I couldn't afford but you could. I have no problem taking care of myself when I can but if you see I'm struggling then you should've offered to help. I feel like that was selfish and then make sure you bring up the loans. Don't be nasty about it but be very direct so he can understand what you're saying. Bottom line, he suppose to be looking out for you and he's lacking.

[basilandthyme]

Jenny, he sounds awfully demanding. Would you say that you're generally happy in the relationship? (Just working out what advice to give you)

[jennyfear]

Jenny, he sounds awfully demanding. Would you say that you're generally happy in the relationship? (Just working out what advice to give you)

Yes i am pretty happy

[jennyfear]

Jenny, he sounds awfully demanding. Would you say that you're generally happy in the relationship? (Just working out what advice to give you)

Yes i am pretty happy