Really miss her...but scared to admit it

[lonelyguy13]

So it has been close to 7 months since we broke up. I don't want to go in detail about everything...unless you need me to... but she was the dumper and I was the dumpee. She was my first love and I see now that I should have done more to make sure I didn't lose her. We broke up because I was not intimate with her. I was really scared to mess up the relationship we had already and didn't want her to feel like I was forcing her into anything. Pretty much she said we were just friends and our relationship was not going where she wanted it to.

We have had some contact since we broke up. I saw her while she was working about a month after and we talked a bit. Also texted a couple times since. Even at one point talking about getting back togethor. She told me that getting back had been int he back of her mind since we broke up but she felt like she had feelings for these two other guys. One she hooked up with right after we ended...rebound? Another guy that had moved to another state and got another girlfriend while my ex chased him. So none of those went anywhere and she went to college this falll without a boyfriend.

Long story short I really feel like we are in limbo. She is graduating next week from school and she will be home for the long run. I really want to text her and see if she wants to meet up but I am scared to fail. I love her more than anything and would love a chance to reconcile and change where I went wrong last time. But, don't know if I want to text her and be shut down. That will only set me back. I have been on a couple sites and they all say the same thing....no contact...and if she wants you she will call/text. I really believe like that might be best. Even though I hate to admit it.

I literally think about this girl 24.7 and it is getting tough. I dont want to seem desperate to her or anybody but it is hard. Even my friends are sick of me talking about her. It is really affecting my dating life as well. I have been on a couple dates and I cant move past my ex enough to see what is good in these other girls. I guess my question to everybody is what would you do? I try to be honest with myself and I know I made mistakes last time...as did she. But I really feel like we would have kept going had I did more. I dont want to lose my chance with her completely. That is the main thing I am worried about. Any help would be awesome. I need some for sure.

[michelle23]

Are you over your intimacy issues now? If not, its not gonna work coz the old problems are still there..

I normally dont ever recommend going backwards but theres no harm in giving it one more shot if thats what you really want.

At least you will know you did all uou could even if you dont get the answers your hoping for

Good luck

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[lonelyguy13]

I really think I am. I want her really bad. That was never a question. I just am really shy. She is too. But I know the guy needs to take charge.

I am doing my best to make sure the problems are gone. I know that thinks cannot work if they still exist. But, I also know I need to show her and not just say it. I dont know how best to go about that

[michelle23]

Well what exactly is the problem? Anxiety? ED? If yes you could see a hypnotherapist..

Or is it something else?

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[lonelyguy13]

Not really any of that. Just being scared to mess up. It was my first serious relationship and I had something awesome with her. I didnt want to press her into doing something when I didnt know if she wanted to. We didnt talk a lot about that kind of thing. Like I said both of us were shy. After we broke up I found out she was ready for sex and I started feeling bad because she was a virgin waiting for somebody she could trust to come along and I didnt do anything. Really feel like I let her down.

I feel like a lot of our issues could have been solved by us talking to each other. Which I told her. But, I also needed to take charge and go after what I wanted.

[michelle23]

Ok so the main issue was communication. Do you think now you will speak your mind in future? Have you contacted her?

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[lonelyguy13]

Commuciation was definitely a problem from both sides.I think I will be able to speak my mind. I feel comfortable with her. More so than with any other person. So I think I can talk to her about our problems.

Last time we spoke was thanksgiving. She texted about her job because she had to work black friday. Nothing major on our relationship and it has been something we have avoided since the summer. I really would like to text her next week after her graduation to congratulate her and see how it goes. If everything is good I would ask her to meet up to talk. But I dont want to seem desperate. One problem is that she has control. When we started dating it was the opposite. I need to tale that back but I dont know how.

[smackie9]

You broke up seven months ago...she may not want to revisit the past, and for what purpose? When she contacts you again, just ask her to meet up for coffee and just chat like nothing ever happened. Be positive and up beat. Let her bring up those old issues, if she doesn't then don't push it....just start fresh.

[lonelyguy13]

Right... bringing up the past might scare her. But I want to let her know somehow that I have come to terms with what happened and grew from it. I think I will asl her to meet me next time we talk. It is so awkward. I dont want to come off as desperate. Asked her a cpuple times over the summer and she wasnt ready. Pretty much blew me off last minute. I dont want to be in that spot again. I got mad a couple times and said some stuff I wish I didnt say

Also would you text her to congratulate her on graduating? I am really proud of her...but again its awkward.

[smackie9]

Well with that info, my advice to you is to leave her alone. If I were in her shoes and my ex gave me attitude more than once because I told him I wasn't ready, I wouldn't want a thing to do with him......I would see you as a di ckhead.

[lonelyguy13]

Yea I didn't write that right. I gave her an attitude cause she would cancel last minute most of the time and sometimes not even bother to text me. Even faked me out one day and said she had to work when she was off. I used to work with her so I still have friends there...doesn't really work. A lot of the time it was her idea to hang out too. So, for her to cancel really made me mad. I tried to hang out with her for a month after we broke up and gave up. After that I didn't even entertain it unless she brought it up.

[smackie9]

Dude go by her actions not by her words.....there is nothing to salvage here....it's over.

[lonelyguy13]

Her actions are confusing though. One minute she wants to talk about getting back together. Then the next she doesn't even want to talk to me. Why would she flip flop so much? There is nothing to read

[smackie9]

Because she know it will be the same s hit if she does so she pulls away, but her feelings keep pulling her back. Just leave it.

[lonelyguy13]

Alright I will just keep doing what I am doing. No contact sucks but I know it is for the best. Miss her a lot though