I am new to this love forum thing, and I am here because I have a very cliche story about my now broken heart. I know boo-hoo, huh?
I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years and our love was just as magical as everyone claimed love to be. I felt it and no doubt about it, he felt it as well. The way we started was a little complicated to most, but very simple to me, simple to us. My ex boyfriend is an amazing guy, respected me as a women and treated me like a princess. The moments we have shared together will forever be in my heart and I am thankful for the time we had. He is my first love and I am his.
He broke up with me about a week ago. He said he was having mixed feelings and felt that he just couldn't see a future for us. The way he broke up with me was very respectful as well. He came over and watched a movie with me and after did his damage. I know he's been going through a rough time with money, he got laid off at his job about a month ago and now his dad as well. His family is struggling to pay the bills. He's the type of person that just has to be alone to focus and I know that I am a distraction and also a burden. I lost my license and he was left with the burden of taking me to school. I guess I relied on him too much and he couldn't handle it. I called him the next day automatically assuming that everything is fine because we have gone through a situation like this in the past. After talking to him, I pretty much felt humiliated. He said that this time was different and that spending time with me felt like a waste of time at points. He also claimed that he never loved me, which I believe is a lie. Every moment we shared together was real and I won't allow his harsh words to taint our beautiful history together.
I stopped all contact with him, the phone call was the last time I spoke with him. I understand that I am a clingy girlfriend, but he never complained about it. He has not contacted me at all. Im sad, but in a way I'm also happy for him. He finally taking a step towards his future even if that means a future without me in it. I want the best for him and if he's feeling unsure about our relationship then ill respect that and I will give him his space. However, I will not allow myself to become a doormat and wait for him. Im not entirely enthusiastic about this break up, but I am proud of him. We have both always supported each others decisions, even if that meant having to leave each other behind. I have always wanted to serve the country by becoming a soldier. I totally thought he would be against it, but he actually gave me the courage to follow my dreams and finally start my enlistment process.
Im trying really hard to be okay even though it hurts. I think that the last time he broke it off with me about the same exact thing, we got back together too early. I didn't give myself time to heal and neither did he. It was almost as if it didn't even happen. I am currently obsessing over that horoscope mumble jumble stuff. haha I know its silly! Im not stocking his pictures or anything, I'm just trying to slowly accept this loss of mine. Ive been exercising and hanging out with the girls and it seriously helps a lot. I haven't exactly told anyone about the break up though. I spent a fortune buying his family presents, which are all already wrapped and under the tree. I don't know if Im trying to give him time to come back or if I'm embarrassed of what my family will think. Probably both. Im pushing myself to let go because honestly all anyone could do in a breakup is let go and accept life. It a harsh reality for my rose colored lens. Whenever anyone asks me about him, I just pretend that everything is fine. I put on this front and just act as if it was all just a bad dream. However I do realize how much I needed space for myself as well. I want to be the cool ex girlfriend that didn't go crazy stalker like, and thats exactly what I am doing now.
I want him back, but I'm putting up my walls to protect myself with this false act of being okay. I have begged him to come back to me in the past and I refuse to belittle myself that way again. I know that only time will give me the answer I want. Im actually not even sure what I'm asking here. I just think that writing on here will distract me from wanting to talk to him or writing in a journal that no one will ever see. I want people to see this. I want tell a stranger about my relationship problems. My ex boyfriend was a great listener. I was once blinded by love and begged for his attention, but at this very moment I'm stronger than who i was a year ago. In my mind, I think that if i act okay, ill eventually actually be okay.
Anyways, let me know what you guys think. Everything will be very much appreciated.