Got dumped club!

[princessgumdrop]

I am new to this love forum thing, and I am here because I have a very cliche story about my now broken heart. I know boo-hoo, huh?
I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years and our love was just as magical as everyone claimed love to be. I felt it and no doubt about it, he felt it as well. The way we started was a little complicated to most, but very simple to me, simple to us. My ex boyfriend is an amazing guy, respected me as a women and treated me like a princess. The moments we have shared together will forever be in my heart and I am thankful for the time we had. He is my first love and I am his.

He broke up with me about a week ago. He said he was having mixed feelings and felt that he just couldn't see a future for us. The way he broke up with me was very respectful as well. He came over and watched a movie with me and after did his damage. I know he's been going through a rough time with money, he got laid off at his job about a month ago and now his dad as well. His family is struggling to pay the bills. He's the type of person that just has to be alone to focus and I know that I am a distraction and also a burden. I lost my license and he was left with the burden of taking me to school. I guess I relied on him too much and he couldn't handle it. I called him the next day automatically assuming that everything is fine because we have gone through a situation like this in the past. After talking to him, I pretty much felt humiliated. He said that this time was different and that spending time with me felt like a waste of time at points. He also claimed that he never loved me, which I believe is a lie. Every moment we shared together was real and I won't allow his harsh words to taint our beautiful history together.

I stopped all contact with him, the phone call was the last time I spoke with him. I understand that I am a clingy girlfriend, but he never complained about it. He has not contacted me at all. Im sad, but in a way I'm also happy for him. He finally taking a step towards his future even if that means a future without me in it. I want the best for him and if he's feeling unsure about our relationship then ill respect that and I will give him his space. However, I will not allow myself to become a doormat and wait for him. Im not entirely enthusiastic about this break up, but I am proud of him. We have both always supported each others decisions, even if that meant having to leave each other behind. I have always wanted to serve the country by becoming a soldier. I totally thought he would be against it, but he actually gave me the courage to follow my dreams and finally start my enlistment process.

Im trying really hard to be okay even though it hurts. I think that the last time he broke it off with me about the same exact thing, we got back together too early. I didn't give myself time to heal and neither did he. It was almost as if it didn't even happen. I am currently obsessing over that horoscope mumble jumble stuff. haha I know its silly! Im not stocking his pictures or anything, I'm just trying to slowly accept this loss of mine. Ive been exercising and hanging out with the girls and it seriously helps a lot. I haven't exactly told anyone about the break up though. I spent a fortune buying his family presents, which are all already wrapped and under the tree. I don't know if Im trying to give him time to come back or if I'm embarrassed of what my family will think. Probably both. Im pushing myself to let go because honestly all anyone could do in a breakup is let go and accept life. It a harsh reality for my rose colored lens. Whenever anyone asks me about him, I just pretend that everything is fine. I put on this front and just act as if it was all just a bad dream. However I do realize how much I needed space for myself as well. I want to be the cool ex girlfriend that didn't go crazy stalker like, and thats exactly what I am doing now.

I want him back, but I'm putting up my walls to protect myself with this false act of being okay. I have begged him to come back to me in the past and I refuse to belittle myself that way again. I know that only time will give me the answer I want. Im actually not even sure what I'm asking here. I just think that writing on here will distract me from wanting to talk to him or writing in a journal that no one will ever see. I want people to see this. I want tell a stranger about my relationship problems. My ex boyfriend was a great listener. I was once blinded by love and begged for his attention, but at this very moment I'm stronger than who i was a year ago. In my mind, I think that if i act okay, ill eventually actually be okay.

Anyways, let me know what you guys think. Everything will be very much appreciated.

[smiling100]

Stay No Contact & move on with your life.

It will not be easy.

You will move on in time onto someone who will treat you right.

I'm currently 3 weeks NC so I know what you are dealing with & it hurts but I don't have another option if I want to progress.

Cry & let the emotions out. Do not hold the emotions in & pretend everything is ok.

If it's going to bring back memories best to delete/hide/get rid of those memories or anything he bought for you so you can move on from the past.

Good luck

[michelle23]

Your handling this really well good for you. You sound strong and you will be okay. It takes time but stay no contact and if he tries to come back this time dont let him. He will keep hurting you if you let him back. Its time to move on now and accept its over

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[princessgumdrop]

Its nice to hear that your head is up and you are also finding ways to cope with this situation. Just keep your chin up and get out there.

Im an emotional wreck inside, I just feel trapped. But writing in this blog is actually really helping me.. I am able to truly express my feelings like its a journal, but also get comfort that someone, even if its a stranger, is still actually reading this. Im usually a very big cry baby, but this time I'm think I'm just scared more than anything. The fear of losing him forever, becoming vulnerable again, but also taking a step back by taking him back again.

Its hard for me to cope, which I'm sure it is with every other person out there with a broken heart. His eyes spoke the language of love. I moved, he moved. He moved, I moved. We were in remedy. Thinking about this stuff doesn't depress me though. These moments were gifts, that I can only hope that he will never forget either.

[michelle23]

Look up the five stages of grief. We mourn every loss, then we move on-stronger for the next loss. Pain is only temporary.

I know its not easy but just remember you will get past this, you will get over him and eventually you will find love again.

Everything happens for a reason, hes not your future but someone else is

Try to surround yourself with people who care, study hard, work hard.. set some goals eg get a promotion within 6 months.. something to focus on. Join some hobbies, make new friends, exercise, travel etc..

Life is for living and this is a fresh start

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[xo17skygirl]

I noticed your situation is similar to mine. Been with him for 3 years. He broke up with me on sunday after we had a nice thanksgiving weekend together. i called him the next day to vent and get him to change his mind but he said he wasnt. He wish me the best and thankful saying i was an amazing girlfriend and these 3 years were the happiest of his life and most fustrating. He will always care for me. In the past, i begged him to take me back. He was a great boyfriend and was my first love. I saw a future with him and love him so much. He told me he didnt want me and doesnt love me anymore. Hes done trying to make it work. I am so heartbroken. it hurts so bad, cant sleep well, crying, some moments im ok and accept it and other days im not ok. i really want to get back with him and give it another try but most likely that wont happen. this breakup might be whats best for us. in the end, if its meant to be...it will be. its so hard letting go.....

[princessgumdrop]

Oh i am so sorry hunny, you must feel like shit.
I actually saw my ex boyfriend today. We live very close to each other and it was going to happen sooner of later and I am not going to hide out in my room for the rest of my life. I ended up making a move on him and kissed him. Afterwards, he ended up following me to my place and we had sex. It was one of those very wierd guilty pleasures. Everything about that moment felt so wrong, but amazing at the same time. It was exciting and fun, it was like it was our first time meeting all over again. We used to do a lot of crazy stuff when we first met and eventually we just started getting lazy. Somewhere along the blurred lines, he just stopped being in love with me. But love never dies, it just changes and shifts.

After my "encounter" with my ex boyfriend, I made sure he understood that this was never going to happen again and ended up asking him to leave. I have a very complicated mind that even I do not understand why I do the things that I do. He didn't want to leave and is now blowing up my phone asking for forgiveness. The tables have turned very quickly because apparently, the power was in my pants all along. Haha.

Of corse, I do NOT suggest you do tho too.
To me, this relationship and that moment today was just another of the many one-night stands we have shared together. In a couple days, he's probably going to remember all those mixed emotions he was having and remember why he broke it off with me in the first place too. Im not hoping for anything to spark between us again. Its exhausting to realize that I've spent months trying to fix a relationship that was eventually just going to end. Today was the first time in a very long time when we were actually passionate to be in each others presence.

[princessgumdrop]

Im such a silly little girl acting exactly how i do not want to be. I jumped at the thought of him wanting me again and here I am 10 steps back into foolish and blind. Ughhhh! Im so annoyed with myself. WHY?! Why did I have sex with him!!!!