Kids and relationships(please read, im desperate!)

[counselor78]

Okay I'm new here and seriously need some advice...anything will help! I'm currently in a relationsip. I've known him since May 2013. We dated for awhile and kind of lost touch, well texted and talked on the phone, but didnt really seriously make it exclusive until september 2013. Since then it's been hot and heavy. He's basically moved in with me and my two boys ages 6 and 12. They absoutely LOVE him! I had no doubts introducing him to my children in september. He told me he loves me and wants this to be forever. I feel the same. Okay here lies the problem. He has a son, 18 mo, with another woman. He says hes not ready to introduce his son to me and my children yet. He tells me his parents dont want to meet me because they think i'm just another one of his many girlfriends who will come and go. My kids are starting to wonder why his child hasnt came around. I dont know what to tell them. He doesnt pay his ex child support because she doesnt make him. He does see his son though. He says he doesnt want to ask her about bringing the child around me because he doesnt wanna rock the boat with her. He tells me it will make his life very complicated right now. He asks me to be patient and when he's ready he will bring his son over. Why does he get the courtesy of waiting but I didnt? It really hurts my feelings! Am I being too sensitive about this? Is he right? Someone please give me some advice on this. I love this man, but this is really weighing heavily on me and is hurting our relationsip. I'm about to call it quits over this. I dont know what to do.

[Valixy]

In normal circumstance it wouldn't seem that he is really delaying introducing his son to you. You two have dated casually since May and only become committed in September, so for some people this might not be enough time to expose their children, still toddlers, to a whole new relationship, especially if they have some family pressures too. You would have felt more relaxed about this obviously if he hadn't moved in with you and developed a relationship with your children but you should try to concentrate on the positive: you are doing great together, your children love him (and this not so easy to find), so just give it a bit more time. Maybe when his son grows a bit more and your relationship passes a bit the test of time, he will bring him around. This might be his point of view, I don't know, but try not to interpret his hesitation it as lack of love for you. It's just a question of being a bit patient and understanding and giving your relationship a chance to grow, imo, and hopefully it will all fall in its place. Also, you should appreciate that you can form a strong bond the four of you before you have to accommodate another child in the family, which might be a bit of a challenge sometimes. Good luck.

[Wakeup]

You've jumped in to a relationship with a man that you do not even know, who does not take care of his financeial responsibility for a child and you've done the unconscionable thing of introducing your own children to him before he's committed to you in all ways. Not only that but he's still very much involved with ex baggage that he's not yet come to terms with if he's still worried about 'rocking the boat."

Why do you have to wait while he doesn't... because you were foolish enough not to wait, thats the only reason.
In future please learn to wait at least a year of good relations and without a doubt feelings, until the honeymoon phase is over BEFORE you introduce your children to any other men. It's been proven that other men and women coming in and out of young lives is detrimental to their own emotional health. Think about what you're teaching them in the realm of relationships being disposable and that they're feelings don't matter when someone they have bonded with just up and leaves.

Wait it out with this guy. He's being smart by keeping his kid out of his romantic life.

[PatriciaQT]

You should respect the agreements he has with his baby moma.
your crush is no valid reason to disturb the fair chance the todler has to have a good relationship with both parrents.

If you love your man you will meet the kids eventualy. Stick by him. It may be will even take a couple of years before his ex trusts you.
Just be a kind and good person. She will have less trouble with you seeing her kid as time passes.

Maybe she doesnt want the baby to see its father with a plurality of partners.
Once you have prooved to be a keeper... well things will work out.

[4 ratties]

You've only been together for 3 months and you've already moved him in? Dang. Well at least he's taking his time with his own kid. Of course everything is "hot and heavy" now. That's how all relationships start. Let's see where things are in 6 months.

[smiling100]

Not only that but he's still very much involved with ex baggage that he's not yet come to terms with if he's still worried about 'rocking the boat."

Nail on the head.

Sounds like he has still got issues to work on.

Can't believe you let him move in with you without sorting this out first?

[TablesandChairs]

He's taken a lot of liberties with your/yours life whilst not returning the favor. That's your doing. I would not have let him move in/stay over after such a short period of time because I'd want to protect my own kids. He hasn't even had a clean break from his ex - if he did, he wouldn't need to be worrying about 'rocking the boat'. He should also be taking financial responsibility to some degree, but maybe he does.

Your children are older and they can understand things (unlike an 18 month old) so it was your duty to be a bit more protective of them, especially when he's still 'umming' and 'ahhing' about whether to provide your with the same sign of trust.

You've moved ahead pretty quickly. Slow down. Back off a bit until things are 100%. Otherwise you risk hurting yourself and your kids, who will undoubtedly become attached to this new 'father figure'.

[surfhb2]

You hook up with a guy who's the father of a toddler?! There's more?! He won't bring the kid around and his parents think you're just another past hussy of his? Gee! He might as well been wearing a bright red suit with flashing lights and a siren hat.

I question your judgement Lol

Please tell this guy B'bye! Do you realize there are plenty of us normal guys without this baggage right? Jesus!! Post of the month OP. Congrats!