Why does a girl not tell you she has a boyfriend for an extended period of time?

[RobertWQ]

So I'm coming to realize I guess on a more emotional level what many of you have mentioned and I understood intellectually for awhile, and that is, that girl I've been writing about is never going to leave her long term boyfriend to date me.

One thing I don't understand though, and would like to because I like to understand things, is, why would a girl who has a boyfriend and does NOT intend to leave him spend months with you (including plenty of flirtatious behavior) while strategically omitting the fact that she has a boyfriend? I mean, not just not not mentioning him, but referring to him as "that guy you met" instead of "my boyfriend, whom you met?"

I'd like to know because as I said, I like understanding things, but also because I think if she had just told me about her boyfriend upfront, I never would have developed feelings for her. But she did all these things to encourage me to develop feelings for her for and to form a bond.

Please spare me the "why are you still wasting your time thinking about this girl" comments. I do get that. I like to understand things as much as I can, and though I have my own idea about why she would do all this, I'd like to hear what other women think. I think understanding it will actually help me move on.

[Rowen]

She expects to get some on the side?

[PatriciaQT]

Or she isnt interested in you romanticaly and never felt the need to show you her romantic borders by bringing the boy friend up.

Or perhaps she just enjoys flirting with you.
some girls realy love attention

[RobertWQ]

Why even spend a lot of time with someone and try to form a bond with them then? If I were in that situation, I just can't imagine I would not bring up my girlfriend at least once, especially after she met her.

I mean think about it. She meets my girlfriend, and later, when talking about my girlfriend to the girl, I refer to her as "that girl you met."

Is that not totally hedging if it's a long-term relationship?

[Rowen]

Because not everyone is like that.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Attention whore.

[HeartIsAching]

Frankly, she was investigating you as a potential, and you didn't make the cut. She avoided mentioning him or referred to him obliquely because she didn't want to scare you off before she decided. This is cheater behavior. You dodged a bullet.

BTW - If someone is willing to leave their BF/GF/SO/Husband/Wife/Whatever to be with you - they'll do it to you too. Keep that in mind.

[Starnique]

^^^true. I have done that to a guy before when I was trying to decide who I wanted to be with.

[HeartIsAching]

Me too. When I was an asshole.

[RobertWQ]

Frankly, she was investigating you as a potential, and you didn't make the cut. She avoided mentioning him or referred to him obliquely because she didn't want to scare you off before she decided. This is cheater behavior. You dodged a bullet.

BTW - If someone is willing to leave their BF/GF/SO/Husband/Wife/Whatever to be with you - they'll do it to you too. Keep that in mind.

That's kind of what I thought ... she only finally mentioned her boyfriend when I got more emotional once ... but yeah, I interpreted her behavior as cheater behavior as well. This one isn't going to work out but it was an interesting experience.

To be honest, I think she did it in part to see if she could get me to like her, without really intending to leave her boyfriend, and enjoyed seeing my feelings for her develop...she's testing out her appeal or something. Typical I guess.

[basilandthyme]

Or she's enjoying flirting without having any intention of it going further. But this is all really guesswork, isn't it.

[RobertWQ]

Indeed it is.

[hatesthis]

To answer your question maybe she didn't realize you were interested and when she does she puts the stops on anything you might be wanting with her by making sure you now know she does have a bf. Or maybe she figures harmless flirting is okay, but might mention it to her bf and he isn't on the same page and wants the girl to tell whatever guy, she is taken.