Quick Q. Need advice ASAP plz: Who Should Come First?

[Starnique]

It's not about the Victorian age. Its about being smart. Do you watch tv? How many women meet a man online and then leave with him or visit him an never come back? I'm sure they thought the same thing you think.

[Starnique]

In reply to the question I always thought a gentleman would do everything in his power to make sure that the lady came first.

This is true. Thanks for understanding.

[surfhb2]

I don't think the op questioning the safety aspect. If she is there's no way she should be going

He is putting her first.....he's paying for and showing her a great time. Again.....there's an event....it's happens to be in his city.

If there's something unique going on there's nothing wrong with the girl driving to meet the guy

Again....the safety aspect of this scenario aside

[MrsDarcy]

I don't think the op questioning the safety aspect. If she is there's no way she should be going

He is putting her first.....he's paying for and showing her a great time. Again.....there's an event....it's happens to be in his city.

If there's something unique going on there's nothing wrong with the girl driving to meet the guy

Again....the safety aspect of this scenario aside

But, responding to the last part of your post, you really can't leave safety aside in this scenario. Safety comes first. The reality is that many times there are perverts on the internet who only want to take advantage of a woman, and this is the perfect scenario for that. I'm not saying only men do this, or that this guy is that way, but there's nothing wrong with being cautios, and he should respect that. I've made friends online, and I've known them for a while, and even then when we have talked about meeting, we propose to do it in a public place where it's convenient for both.

[Fjortis]

So it's next Friday, not this Friday actually.
And well, to be honest I do want to go, meaning it would be more fun for me to go to his city, rather than having him in mine. I'm quite bored with mine (and also in general, these days), plus there's a concert one night he wants to take me to and RnB place the next night, and he will pay for hotel too.
The only problem is the situation itself: how it would look to him that we met on a dating site, then we added each other and talked on Facebook, then a couple of times on the phone, then he asked me to come to his city Friday, and I said "hmmm... ... Can I think about it for a day??".. then the next day "..ummm.." and then in the evening: "ok.. ok I will come"
Like a "call-girl"? : )
...At least I insisted to stay at the hotel and not in his apartment.. well, it's not that I had to INSIST, he just said "So you don't want to stay in my apt then?" I said "I think it would be better to stay at the hotel, at least for the first time", he said, "sure, that's ok, I'll get you a hotel room then".
And though probably I should be, I am not very seriously concerned about safety.. (The only thing is that I hope he shows up and we do end up meeting : ) Especially since I'm pretty sure it was me who sent him the first short message first...
It was my idea to check out profiles of people from other cities nearby as well as those in mine. Because I was getting the impression that when it is too easy to meet (dating site+same city), the significance and the importance of each person kind of disappears and people stop to view each individual and meeting or "date" as something special, and this too-easy conveyer-belt situation is not exactly favourable for love : )
But yes, if I didn't have that idea and it was a guy from a different city who contacted me first and began suggesting that I come to his city as the only way to meet each other, I'd probably be much more suspicious..

I don't think the op questioning the safety aspect. If she is there's no way she should be going

why not date a local guy - too scared?

[hatesthis]

I'm a 21 year old girl. I met a guy on a dating site a few weeks ago, so far we talked on the phone and on facebook.
We both live in big cities about 2 hours apart.
He invites me to come to his city this weekend.
He'd pay for the hotel and he has an apartment of his own.
Plus he says there is some event going on in his city we could go to.
But I don't really drive and he does.
Should I go first or should he come first
( me being a girl too after all ).
What do you think?

If he made plans first then you go first and take a friend with you and if he pays for your room, you pay for her way, and let him know you are bringing a traveling companion, if you go on a date she can occupy herself during it, and can do stuff together before or after. If you don't feel comfortable have him come visit you. You haven't known each other long so the lets meet face to face right now isn't a big deal yet. Get to know each other more before, would be my choice.

[searock]

I can't believe how stupid some people can be.

Fjortis, do keep us updated.

[Fjortis]

For now I am thinking of going. But now that I decided that, I'm always a bit on edge when it comes to this guy. For instance, I said hi first by txt message yesturday (Saturday) he said he'd call me in the evening, and he didn't. He said Saturday morning by a txt message that he got tickets to that concert though. And he didn't txt me today (Sunday) either yet. And it's 5pm. So I'm Not DESPERATE in THAT sense, but since I'm thinking of going I'm not as relaxed about things like that either anymore, and notice and bother about them..
p.s. I decided not to text him first...

[Fjortis]

Oh ok he texted me actually..
After the thread that another girl posted of what happened to her though... I hope he is not married at least.. It came to mind and I actually mentioned that to my mom even before the thread, but my mom said for now there is no reason to think that.

[Fjortis]

BTW he is 35 and I'm 21. Do you think it's a very big difference?

[basilandthyme]

It's an enormous difference. For a 35 yo guy to be attracted to a girl your age, he'd have to be emotionally retarded. That's not an insult to you....it's an acknowledgement of the fact that most people change and grow a lot between 21 and 35.

[surfhb2]

It's an enormous difference. For a 35 yo guy to be attracted to a girl your age, he'd have to be emotionally retarded. That's not an insult to you....it's an acknowledgement of the fact that most people change and grow a lot between 21 and 35.

Agreed......do not go. Date someone your age and close to you

[Fjortis]

Well.. I can't cancel, I hate when people cancel and I myself don't want to disappoint others He is an educated person with phD as well.. so he is must not be retarded.. I only hope he is not married.. what do you think?

[surfhb2]

Well.. I can't cancel, I hate when people cancel and I myself don't want to disappoint others He is an educated person with phD as well.. so he is must not be retarded.. I only hope he is not married.. what do you think?

Then just go and have a good time but 35 year old guys who date 21 year old girls online are well regarded as ding bat idiots......good luck

[Fjortis]

Then just go and have a good time but 35 year old guys who date 21 year old girls online are well regarded as ding bat idiots......good luck

Maybe he is just busy and doesn't have many women on his job, single ones who he would like anyway.. and I contacted him first..