Fiance mother doesn't like me

[NiaPeach]

I dont think my fiance's mother likes me. She blames me because I told my fiance I wasn't okay with his brother and his pregnant girlfriend coming to living with us. They had lived for us before and well, that season is over. I am trying to plan my wedding and I offered her to come along to look at some dresses with the rest of the bridal party and she said very sharply, "Honey no". She thinks that I have some control over her son and I influence him to do certain things. That is totally untrue and it's hurtful even because I would love to be close to his mother but now I dont care enough to force the issue. I am still very respectful to her but I've been nothing but nice to this woman and I have better things in life to do besides deal with her attitude.

Has anyone else had a situation as to where your bf/gf parent didn't like you? How do you deal with it? If your mom told you she didn't like a particular person that you're dealing with, would you take her advice seriously and keep your eyes open or just push their opinion to the side? How do you seperate the two?

[basilandthyme]

Nia, I just had a quick refresh over your previous posts and I think you DO influence your fiance to do certain things. If it wasn't for you putting your foot down, your fiance would likely have his brother and girlfriend living with you. Not that you did the wrong thing!

Would I be right in guessing that your guy is fairly 'easy going' but torn between the opinions of a girlfriend and his mother?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She's a ****ing bitch, and probably will be for the foreseeable future. Your fiance sounds like a complete chump too.

Ignore her snappy comments, and do not engage her. Don't do anything stupid like try to talk to her about it either. Just accept that she doesn't like you, that she's a cunt, and don't pay her any mind.

[Starnique]

Yeah, just don't engage her. You can still be polite and respectful but that doesn't mean you have to be bothered with her. I know how you feel. I really do care about my bf family liking me because I really like a peaceful and loving environment but you can't please everybody and as you said, don't waste anymore time on her mess. My ex sister didn't like me when she found out she couldn't run me and I didn't care afterwhile. It is stressful but the sooner you accept that you and her are just not there and you did your part, just let it go, then it'll get better.

[Rowen]

Yeah, sounds like a classic case of the overbearing mother-in-law... But the question is this; can you deal with this the rest of your life?

I ask this because being married to your fiance DOES MEAN having to deal with this the rest of your life. I know so because it's exactly what my brother is going through right now and what my mother has been going through since 1983. My father's parents absolutely abhor my mother and make it very well known. In the first years of my parents' marriage, she would go down to their house every weekend, scrub their kitchen so she could use it (They love cooking with grease), and made dinner for them. Each time, they would openly criticize her cooking and have my father join in as they all shoveled in a couple platefuls... Then she would rescrub the kitchen just to try to be nice, but it was never enough. Action like that has been going on for years, and no matter what she does, my father's parents will NEVER view my mother as a good person. Hell, they even used to tell her how grateful she should be to be able to use their kitchen to cook for them.

Now, I know I seemed to have gotten a bit sidetracked with story time, but I include it to make this point; it never stops. So, ask yourself this; is this what I want?

[AnErin]

HA! You are kidding right?
Are you not aware that the mother-in-law is typically the enemy? Especially a woman's MIL. If your MIL does not like you, welcome to the reality that BILLIONS of married women before you have faced. In-law family in general sucks.

Want a bit more proof? Check for yourself but if you rearrange all the letters of "mother in law" you get "Woman Hitler"

You should concentrate ONLY on you and your fiance's relationship. You two are gonna marry, not woman Hitler, I mean, moth... oh forget it.

[NiaPeach]

Nia, I just had a quick refresh over your previous posts and I think you DO influence your fiance to do certain things. If it wasn't for you putting your foot down, your fiance would likely have his brother and girlfriend living with you. Not that you did the wrong thing!

Would I be right in guessing that your guy is fairly 'easy going' but torn between the opinions of a girlfriend and his mother?

Yes, he's easy going and he tries not to get in the middle and remain neutral. He has told his mother that he loves me and I'm not going anywhere and I think it further annoyed her but oh well. He really want us to get along but he has released the stress. I still struggle with it because I really wanted to have a good relationship with her like I do the rest of the family.

Thanks everyone.

[Wakeup]

HA! You are kidding right?
Are you not aware that the mother-in-law is typically the enemy? Especially a woman's MIL. If your MIL does not like you, welcome to the reality that BILLIONS of married women before you have faced. In-law family in general sucks.

Want a bit more proof? Check for yourself but if you rearrange all the letters of "mother in law" you get "Woman Hitler"

You should concentrate ONLY on you and your fiance's relationship. You two are gonna marry, not woman Hitler, I mean, moth... oh forget it.

... O.o ...

[DalM0m]

I wouldn't go out of my way to engage her but when you do see her, kill her with kindness. Be polite. Be gracious. Just don't give in about things like who lives in your home.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

HA! You are kidding right?
Are you not aware that the mother-in-law is typically the enemy? Especially a woman's MIL. If your MIL does not like you, welcome to the reality that BILLIONS of married women before you have faced. In-law family in general sucks.

Want a bit more proof? Check for yourself but if you rearrange all the letters of "mother in law" you get "Woman Hitler"

You should concentrate ONLY on you and your fiance's relationship. You two are gonna marry, not woman Hitler, I mean, moth... oh forget it.

You, sir or madame, are a genius.

[mollymari]

I dont think my fiance's mother likes me. She blames me because I told my fiance I wasn't okay with his brother and his pregnant girlfriend coming to living with us. They had lived for us before and well, that season is over. I am trying to plan my wedding and I offered her to come along to look at some dresses with the rest of the bridal party and she said very sharply, "Honey no". She thinks that I have some control over her son and I influence him to do certain things. That is totally untrue and it's hurtful even because I would love to be close to his mother but now I dont care enough to force the issue. I am still very respectful to her but I've been nothing but nice to this woman and I have better things in life to do besides deal with her attitude.


Has anyone else had a situation as to where your bf/gf parent didn't like you? How do you deal with it? If your mom told you she didn't like a particular person that you're dealing with, would you take her advice seriously and keep your eyes open or just push their opinion to the side? How do you seperate the two?

Dear Nia,
How does your love get along with your Mom? Could be his Mama is feeling threatened somewhat perhaps, hey, who knows. Have you had a heart to heart with her?, I mean, take her out to dinner, have a glass of wine over it and even if you don't think you need it, ask her for some advice so she feels involved, like her opinion matters and hey, it does.

Most Mama's are super protective over their sons as Papa's are over their daughters. Often it is simply a case of feeling involved. Their not losing their son, their gaining a daughter. She may just need to feel she still has influence in her babies life. He may be a grown man but he will always be her little baby.
Then again, we always hear stories of the Monster in Law Mum and gee, I hope for your sake this is not the case here; but if it is, you could still talk to her on common ground and at the end of the day, she'd house more appreciation for you based on the simple fact that hey, you stood up for yourself. You love her son; she needs to deal with that and if you don't want extra people living with you on top of planning a wedding and all that other stuff, your completely within your rights as a human being to NEED the house to be a HOME. Totally.
Any Mom would understand this. It's nothing personal. Just a person needing their space to be their space, with her man.

good luck

[michelle23]

My mum is an easy going person and rarely ever takes a disliking to anyone so if she did id probably be wary of him coz its rare.. i trust my dads judgement most of the time too tbh..

but some parents are absolute nightmare in laws like my grandmother for example. If she didnt like my bf i wouldnt care coz she doesnt really like anyone-apart from immediate family and a handful of friends

So it really depends. If shes vindictive, jealous or just plain crazy-your fiance probably already knows this so i wouldnt worry too much about him choosing her over you coz its likely she will hate anyone he marries no matter what..

However i wouldnt marry into a family like that.. sorry but i want a supportive family and good role models/grandparents for my kids

[HeartIsAching]

I dont think my fiance's mother likes me. She blames me because I told my fiance I wasn't okay with his brother and his pregnant girlfriend coming to living with us. They had lived for us before and well, that season is over. I am trying to plan my wedding and I offered her to come along to look at some dresses with the rest of the bridal party and she said very sharply, "Honey no". She thinks that I have some control over her son and I influence him to do certain things. That is totally untrue and it's hurtful even because I would love to be close to his mother but now I dont care enough to force the issue. I am still very respectful to her but I've been nothing but nice to this woman and I have better things in life to do besides deal with her attitude.

Has anyone else had a situation as to where your bf/gf parent didn't like you? How do you deal with it? If your mom told you she didn't like a particular person that you're dealing with, would you take her advice seriously and keep your eyes open or just push their opinion to the side? How do you seperate the two?

I've been in a similar situation, yes. My wife's sister was a friend of my ex... and whispered in my in-laws' ears before I ever got a chance to meet 'em. I won't say they 'hated' me, but they were very um... skeptical is the right word, I think. Two and a half years after we got married, they love me. They've seen me consistently treat their daughter well, they've seen that I truly care about her, and they've come to know that I love her deeply and have an intense desire to care for her. My father-in-law has made a point of calling me "son" and inquiring after my well-being/health when she's on the phone with them.

If you love your fiancee, stick with it. They'll come around. It's hard to deny someone that loves your child as much as they do.