Devastated and baffled over short term relationship break up

[ziff]

Hi people,

I really just want to get some stuff off my chest and hopefully get some advice in return.

I have just been dating this girl for about 6 weeks and we were getting on great right from the start. We had loads in common, we were into the same things and there was a lot of attraction between us. I know it was still early days but I was falling for her. And she seemed to be falling for me. She was very affectionate towards me, she wanted to see me often, she wanted to stay over at mine often, she would smile and stare into my eyes and seemed like I made her happy. I genuinely believed she was falling for me.

Anyway, like I said, we were getting on absolutely great. Then last week we had a bit a tiff, I questioned her about something, she didn't like it, we ended up exchanging a few heated words (all by text by the way) and I ended up telling her to f off. The next morning I text her and tried to make the peace and apologised for telling her to f off. She didn't seem interested though, she was still being really cold towards me. So I thought fine, I'll give her some space and let her cool off. Later that evening she text me and said she didn't want to see me anymore all because of our little argument. I tried to ring her to talk about it but she wouldn't answer. I left her alone for a few days then text her again to see if she still felt the same way. She said she did and explained that it was because she didn't like being questioned and felt like I was pressuring her and trying to make her feel bad, and that I had overreacted. I tried to explain that she was wrong and those weren't my intentions, that she had misinterpreted things because they were all by text, and that I was sorry for telling her to f off. Anyway she doesn't want to see me and she won't let me talk to her. In fact she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. She's deleted me on facebook and just generally put up an iron curtain between us. I can't understand how someone can be so nice and loving towards me and seem really keen, to then completely switch in the other direction over something so trivial. I know women are a strange species and each one is different but I've dated quite a few girls and none of them have gone from one extreme to the other like this. I've been with girls that have seemed less keen, I've had worse arguments with them and they've still been interested in me. I'm baffled. And to be honest I'm quite devastated because we were getting on so well and I was definitely falling for her. I know it was only 6 weeks and some people reading this will be thinking get a grip, I probably would myself, but that's how I feel. It's bizarre, I've only felt this strongly about my ex who I was with for over 5 years!

I'd appreciate to hear anyone's thoughts on the matter, on why she's behaved the way she has, and any advice on how, if possible, I'd be able to win her back.

This morning I posted her a couple of books that I had bought her that were about a subject she mentioned she was interested in, they were supposed to be for Christmas. I also enclosed a poem I wrote to her telling her how surprised I am about the way she's behaved etc. I'm hoping this will win her back...

[violet11]

Maybe you're a douche? :p

But seriously, it sounds like you triggered her. She might have trust issues and perceive your behaviour as a red flag. Telling someone to f-off is pretty aggressive and uncouth imo.

[smackie9]

Your passive aggressive behavior is brought on your emotions of love. And yes it makes you douchey. You lost control, and well she's smart to dump you because this was just a taste of what was to come and she knew it. You were so out of line and rude, I would have dumped you too. To add insult to injury you are so oblivious to the fact that your behavior is inexcusable. She dodged a bullet IMO.

[ziff]

I appreciate the input. And I agree, I did act a douche. But she was being pretty douchey towards me before I made the comment so I don't think I was completely out of line. And I'm not oblivious to that fact that my behaviour is inexcusable, I know I did wrong and I apologised soon after. I'm not an aggressive person, yeah I got narked in the heat of the moment but who doesn't.

[smackie9]

Uhhhh so there you go again placing some of the blame on her. You are the one who started this so you should take full blame. Your apology should have came right after how you saw her react to your accusation, but you continued to act like a tool. I say she made the right choice to bail out now. Take responsibility....you blew it.

[surfhb2]

Hmmmmm Lets See! You know a girl 6 weeks....get in an argument and tell her to fuuck off? Who cares what she said....be a man and act like one..control yourself next time man

Then you wonder why she doesnt want to see you again? Wow! This is really funny LOL,

Ive been through a bad marriage/divorce and never once told my wife to Fuuck Off....I mean, grow up Bro!

[smackie9]

Ya I agree.....if someone I was falling in love with got jealous on me and told me to f uck off, I would feel destroyed.....that kind of thing leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

[ziff]

I don't know what it's like in other peoples circles/cultures on here but in my working class culture here in the uk the f word is used in day to day life. Everyone says it, including myself and the girl in question. I can see how some people may regard it as extremely offensive but it's not a very big deal here. I'm not saying this to justify, downplay or shift the blame from what I did, I know I shouldn't have said it, I just want to point out that some people may find it more offensive than it was intended.

I suppose it is quite a funny story, and yeah I know I've probably blew it lol. Thanks again for the input guys, it's good to get different perspectives and help me avoid repeating the same behaviour in the future

[surfhb2]

I don't know what it's like in other peoples circles/cultures on here but in my working class culture here in the uk the f word is used in day to day life. Everyone says it, including myself and the girl in question. I can see how some people may regard it as extremely offensive but it's not a very big deal here. I'm not saying this to justify, downplay or shift the blame from what I did, I know I shouldn't have said it, I just want to point out that some people may find it more offensive than it was intended.

I suppose it is quite a funny story, and yeah I know I've probably blew it lol. Thanks again for the input guys, it's good to get different perspectives and help me avoid repeating the same behaviour in the future

Using the word and tell your girl to Fuuck Off isnt even in the same ballpark Man!! Jeesh!! Yes.....you blew it. We all blow it sometimes....move on and learn

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You made yourself look like an insecure little cunt. You ****ed up even more be contacting her to try and make it right. When you told her to f off, you should have left it at that, and let her come to you. Your repeated bitch-niggadry has put the fire in her pants out. Just ignore her and start moving on, and I bet she will give you a call within the next few weeks. If she does, nail her, but don't get all emotional about. Keep dating others too.

Whenever you are 'devastated' by something this short term, it means you probably cared too much anyway.

[ziff]

Using the word and tell your girl to Fuuck Off isnt even in the same ballpark Man!! Jeesh!!

LOL I knew you'd twist what I said! I know it's not in the same ball park, I'm just saying that telling someone to f off here might not be as offensive as it is where you are!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

LOL I knew you'd twist what I said! I know it's not in the same ball park, I'm just saying that telling someone to f off here might not be as offensive as it is where you are!

No one twisted anything. Now you're just being an idiot. Anyway, there isn't anything you can do now. Like I said, she seems like an attention whore, so I give her a week or two before you start hearing from her again. If you do, treat it as nothing but sex, until she is the one to push the rest, and do not stop dating other chicks until then.

[pcmaster]

Try man up to talk directly with her, because "Relationship is nothing without communication." Michelle23

Also its hard to believe that someone likes you when you get told fck off. How old are you guys?


This realy could work in your situation.


Also chill out and learn to be okay without her

loveforum.net/threads/85672-Guide-How-to-deal-with-breakup

[michelle23]

Why has nobody asked what the argument was about? What were you questioning her about? That may explain why she dumped you instead of the argument that followed..

and btw where i come from saying f**k is normal-so is telling people to f off. We say it in a joking way a lot too. But ive never told a bf to f off in a heated way and my ex said it to me once in an argument and i did f off and didn't come back.. also found out he was a cheat that week too but by then id already dumped him

[surfhb2]

LOL I knew you'd twist what I said! I know it's not in the same ball park, I'm just saying that telling someone to f off here might not be as offensive as it is where you are!

Remind me not to visit that portion of the UK where people consider the term "Fucck Off", in anger and frustration, to be non offensive

Yeah....what was the argument about?