She says she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, next day were on a break

[Sportsman44]

Hello, I am very new to this and never used a forum but I thought nows the time for open opinions. I met a girl this spring, we hung out for a week...she stopped talking to me. Then about 1 1/2 months ago we started hanging out again. Everything progressed very fast. We were going out, spending the night at each other's places. Meeting the parents, discussing our lives.. You think it.. That's it. I'm 24, she's 27. She was married for 2 years, and just got out of a 3 year rocky relationship. You could say we were "dating" but she never called it that. We were having unprotected sex and she was not on birth control. We were pretty sure she was pregnant and I decided it was to early to carry on with it so she got the pill. We were laying in bed and emotions were flying. She told me I'm amazing, perfect, where did I come from? I'm the guy she's looking for her whole life... Then she told me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, and I can honestly say I could do the same. Everything seemed PERFECT. The very next day, she told me that she's not over her past, we've been hanging out way to much, and she needs her space. Basically she's not over her ex. She doesn't want to get back with him, but she's not over it. I asked her what was up with us? And she said there was never anything... We were only hanging out for a month. A COMPLETE opposite of the night before. Anyways.. We've only talked 2 times since then and she says she needs space.. Which I'm giving her it because I don't want to mess this up. I feel she's confused, scared and doesn't know what she wants. She said she could be over her past tomorrow, 6 months, a year, she doesn't know.. But if I'm around (which I will be). That she'll be back. I honestly don't think there's anyone else she's talking to... I need advice. I have never been this upset, my stomach is in knots, and I'm starting to get depressed. This is the only thing I can think about... Anyone that responds thank you VERY MUCH!.. And I've talked to a few of her friends, do not believe this is a rebound... And we still workout at the gym together

[Wakeup]

Why oh why oh why would you have unprotected sex with any girl never mind one you just met? Did you take sex education in your school? Surely you don't want STD's or a child that you are encapable of taking care of and bringing up to be a good citizen of this world. You don't have the common sense for such a thing so I'm glad she took the morning after pill. Now, you go out and get a good supply of condoms for the next girl you fk that you dont' even know.

Your stomach is in knots because your adrenalin is soaring because it realizes that you just dodged a bullet. This chick is nuts and you've allowed her to play you by taking her back after she was cold and calculating enough to just stop talking to you... that there alone should have been enough for you to not have anything else to do with her. Pornstar-esque sex is not love... it's lust and lust never lasts so don't speak to her ever again. When she tries to hoover you back for more of her dysfunctional horse shit, don't even respond to her manipulative crap. DO do yourself one favour before you cut contact with her. Make sure she took that pill.

[smackie9]

Dude here's a tip....go by their actions, not by what they tell you. BTW talk of marriage or a future together is just that....talk. It should never ever be taken as a promise. You sound very inexperienced....is this your first?

[Rowen]

I think you shouldn't wait... She used you as her teddy bear and snuggled you until it wasn't convenient for her/she didn't want to anymore. Now, you're tossed aside, and she's telling you to wait (Don't tell me that waiting is your idea; she's saying "if you're around" which implies that she really wants you to wait- classic passive aggressiveness). So, I think you'd be a fool to wait because she's clearly not coming back. She wants you to stick around in case she ever wants to snuggle you as her own teddy bear again, then toss you aside when she decides it's not for her again. To be honest, if you stay, you're a fool because she's only going to go for someone else once she finally does get over her past.

In short, she's using you. And by waiting you're only going to drag out your hurt. So, ask yourself these two questions:

1. Do I really want to be someone's toy of convenience or do I want an equal relationship?
2. Can I handle waiting, or will I just feel the same as I do now?

[Sportsman44]

Thank you for your responses. We still talk everyday, she wants the casual hookup, and we still workout and plan on doing so 3-4 times a week. I honestly think she's confused and needs to make peace with herself

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Keep banging her, but bang other chicks. Stop working out with her too. Start nailing other girls.

[Rowen]

I honestly think she's confused and needs to make peace with herself

She may be, but how long are you willing to wait? A year? Two years? How long do you plan on feeling like this with your stomach in knots and being depressed?

Not to mention, you can't sort that out for her. She needs to stand on her own two feet. You trying to hold onto hope by staying is only going to create a situation where you will probably get hurt.

Don't wait.

EDIT: I've been in a situation where someone "needed time" before.... It doesn't work out. Don't wait.

[Sportsman44]

Thank you Rowen... Put it in a new perspective. I feel I should wait tho, I honestly beleive that we both feel we're meant to
Be together... She just needs to figure her stuff out. Trying to stay optimistic

[BackUpOrGetStng]

This is going to be you in 3 weeks. http://www.loveforum.net/threads/85537-I-just-had-the-quot-I-need-space-talk-quot

[michelle23]

Why do you insist on staying in a situation that messes with your head and hurts you? What is wrong with you that you do not know when to call it a day? She used you, you were a rebound. Now you have become her male girlfriend, gay best friend, emotional teddy bear-whatever you wana call it and she is still using you

[BackUpOrGetStng]

And yes, Michelle is right, you are her bitch.

[Sportsman44]

I agree that I shouldn't stick with it and it does mess with my head. But I honestly feel
There's something more, just one of those connections you can't explain. I appreciate all the advice tho, has opened my views on this whole situation. I'm just not going to contact her. She knows what I can offer, and where to find me

[Rowen]

Thank you Rowen... Put it in a new perspective. I feel I should wait tho, I honestly beleive that we both feel we're meant to
Be together... She just needs to figure her stuff out. Trying to stay optimistic

Okay, let me ask you this then.... If she believes that she's meant to be with you, why does she have to figure her stuff out? And the answer to that question is that she needs to figure it out because she isn't sure of what is meant or what she wants. That's the truth. YOU believe you're meant to be together. She doesn't up from down right now, much less what she wants. Because if she did know what she wanted, she wouldn't need to "figure her stuff out." She would say, "**** what anyone says or what happened in the past. I love you and want to be with you, and that's that."

Can't you see, OP, we're trying to protect you from hurting yourself?

[TablesandChairs]

She'll drag this out until who knows when and then bang, she'll end up hooking up with another guy and you'll be yesterdays news and all your time 'waiting' for her will have been a huge waste.

If you make this too easy for her - the old 'I'll always be here waiting for you' garbage, you'll lose and you'll be emotionally crippled by the end.

Instead - say "Hey, I get that you have issues to sort out and whatever so if you want, let me know when you've sorted things out and we can try again, maybe. Good luck". Then cut contact. No booty calls, no being the emotional tampon at the end of the phone listening to all her woes/issues/whatever. If she can't give you any sort of commitment, you can't give her your time.

[smackie9]

This must be your first real experience......you don't know a bad thing when you see it.