On the verge of giving up

[Glorfidel]

I am not sure how to put this. Evey one has a thing, a certain thing that they are not good at! They suck at it no matter what, no matter how hard they try.

Guess what! For me that thing is relationships... I can do anything but a healthy, stable, relationship, i am a smart person, with many good qualities (or so they tell me) however i seem to fail every single time!

At some point you start doubting and asking yourself, how can i be so wrong? what did i miss? what am i doing wrong? i even start to doubt that there is "the one" out there waiting for me...
What if there is no one waiting for me? no soul partner? I had a couple of relationships most of them were a disaster, but every time i would say to myself "she was not the one, keep looking you will find her" but the next time is as bad as the previous one if not worst... I have now almost completely lost my faith, and i am on the verge of giving up... It is too much for me to handle, i am trying to hold back my emotions with willpower or raw logic thinking but its no use, i just get worst... I have love to give but no one to give it to... I don't expect any helpful suggestions even tho they are welcome, i just thought this is a good way to get it out and listen to what other people have to say...

[violet11]

A relationship isnt a random thing that strikes us out of the deep blue sky. It's a complex balancing act of compassion and self respect.

Maybe you're going for women who arent right for you? Maybe you're needy? Maybe you give women the wrong signals (as in: make them feel demeaned / unimportant)?

Love is less about who you are and more about how you make the other person feel. If they feel smothered or neglected... people generally wont stick around.

[Glorfidel]

Thats not it... i guess... i have tons of female friends more than i have male friends, and most of my relationships derived from previous friendships... I am not needy, at least not after the first two relationships (ages ago), when i find my drawbacks i tend do anything in my powers to fix them... on the other end, as i said i value relationships and i always give my 100%, so i think i will rule out the unwanted thing you mentioned... None of them would give me any reason for breaking up so i don't even know what i do wrong and friends always seem to think that i did everything good so i am in completely darkness...

[violet11]

How is your self esteem? Do you believe that you're a valuable, amazing person, who deserves love?

[michelle23]

No girl wants a guy who has got loads of female friends. No girl wants a guy who is passive aggressive, who lacks the balls to ask her out so becomes her best friend first in the hope she will fall for him. I know where your going wrong. Women think you cant be trusted and they are right coz you have like ten other girls sniffing around you that you hoped to get with before her which makes her like 11th best..

this s**t might work when your a teen and young girls are naive and stupid but we see through it eventually.

[michelle23]

My advice: get rid of ALL your female friends. Stop being some emotional teddy or gay best friend for them to feed off by putting yourself in the friend zone constantly. Its time to man up and be more assertive. You like a girl-get to know her for a few days then ask her out. She says no-okay move on! No more of this friends BS! Its actually just pathetic.

Sorry I am being harsh but guys like you piss me off! Its the ultimate beta male and I dont normally say those kinda things

[Glorfidel]

I am not sure how to answer that... I used to be, till yesterday, i lost my mojo ( )... well, the only thing i am insecure about is my appearance, because of that i try be "the best" on everything else in order to balance it. That is why (i believe) most of my relationships came from my previous friends who got to know me first instead of judging by my appearance... I know i am far above average (i know it sounds cocky) on almost everything compare to other guys out there, who would cheat for example or be overly jealous to their girlfriends, some of them don't even have goals in their lives... so yes, i know i am good... I am not sure if i answered your question...

[Glorfidel]

My advice: get rid of ALL your female friends. Stop being some emotional teddy or gay best friend for them to feed off by putting yourself in the friend zone constantly. Its time to man up and be more assertive. You like a girl-get to know her for a few days then ask her out. She says no-okay move on! No more of this friends BS! Its actually just pathetic.

Sorry I am being harsh but guys like you piss me off! Its the ultimate beta male and I dont normally say those kinda things

Well i dont care if its harsh i can take it my problem is not the friend-zone, i have been there only once and i got out of it fairly easy... The problem is that it didn't last! Anyway, on your other points, i am not giving up my friends thats selfish and stupid, 2nd i get rejected a lot, even from girls that they don't know i have girl friends, explain that! 3rd i have never made the first move on my friends! The relationships that came out of previous friendships the girls would send the signals first and then i would make the first move.

Actually is pretty impressive that you think i am patient enough to wait lets say for a year in the friendzone in order to get a girl! When i want something i take it! Or at least i try to! I believe that its better to regret for something you did then for something you did not! My problem is not the first move, i am used to it, the problem here (if you have payed any attention) is the question: "how many times is too many"? at some point after the 100000th rejection you start doubting yourself! and why i cant make a relationship work!

[michelle23]

Well if i was dating you and found out you have a gazillion female friends, I would dump you.

Girls on the forum: how many more of you would dump him for this reason?

[Ugly_Swan]

Well if i was dating you and found out you have a gazillion female friends, I would dump you.

Girls on the forum: how many more of you would dump him for this reason?

I'd second that-- I wouldn't date such a guy in the first place.

OP this may sound harsh but....here are the reasons why (#2 is the critical one)

1) I'm jealous, don't want other bitches getting his emotional resources when I'm the girlfriend

2) The guys I know who have female friends and have trouble making male ones.....are kinda unattractive....and I don't mean physically per se (though it spills over, usually, due to lack of masculine ambition and desire to be strong)...

Like....this guy I know who has trouble with the ladies and is mostly friends with females.....well noone will tell him the truth but I can see why. He is not assertive or aggressive, is not ambitious, uses humour way too much/never takes self seriously, etc. It just reeks of lack of masculinity. So girls feel safe around him since he is harmless. It's just not sexy. And what is a relationship without sexual tension? A friendship. This begs friendzoning. His lack of passion? so unattractive for a relationship.

So why is it that you mix so well with girls?? what are you missing masculinity-wise that attracts feminine instead of masculine people?

[michelle23]

Its not just that. He chooses to have female friends coz hes hoping one of them (doesnt really matter which one) falls for him.. that shows deep insecurity and a desire to settle for second best

[michelle23]

Sorry OP-not picking on you. Just explaining how girls view this type of thing and why you have been unlucky

[Ugly_Swan]

Its not just that. He chooses to have female friends coz hes hoping one of them (doesnt really matter which one) falls for him.. that shows deep insecurity and a desire to settle for second best

Well not necessarily--I think more often guys that have more female friends are just unable t make male friends while girls do tolerate them. I don't think a guy would purposely friendzone himself? lol

[smackie9]

You are more attractive if you can show the testosterone. That means to be sexually driven towards women, and not be their emotional tampons. If they don't shell out you ditch them and move onto the next...and do this with some bros out for the hunt at clubs and bars. Once you have built up a masculine persona find a girl you really like show her how manly you are but not giving her much attention unless she comes to you. Let her feel you want sex from her, that you find her desirable but don't let her get too close...pull away and direct your attention elsewhere. This will drive her crazy and want you.....be mysterious, vague. Oh and make sure you hit the gym before you head out for the evening...you want to be all buff (shows more testosterone). Dress trendy, be a little cocky, oh and do dance with the ladies.....they find it sexy, and it's a way to get close and touch them.

Edit: Have confidence!!!!

[surfhb2]

Never met a man who has loads of female friends who didn't have some serious issues.....not picking on the op, just stating my experiences