Do I forget him?

[Skyler3692]

Hi I'd love some advice
Been with my guy five years, moved in together when I discovered I had cancer. When we first met, for me there was no great spark, but he seemed a sups nice guy, he is divorced with 2 older I depart kids. He had a rough time, lost house and all he had. Wife went off with another man.
Over the years I became more dependant on him, always helping me around house, fixing stuff. But after he moves in, he became less willing to do things and starts moaning about doing garden etc. if something broke its my problem. Then the great relationship he had with my daughter goes really bad. Both not talking to one another, bad atmospheres. Then after an unusual night out with my sister, we agree to meet at the. End of evening. By this time I am a very drunk, he get annoyed and leaves us both to get home. When I get in, he is in bed. I go mad because he knows I don't drink much and leaving me drunk to get home I feel is wrong. He then says he leaving and starts to pack stuff up. The next morning he take all. I am shocked and hurt he just leaves like this.
Two days later he is calling and wanteing to come back.
I miss him but all my family, especially my daughter don't want him.
I feel mixed up, unsure of what to do. I don't feel I can trust this guy. Time to move on.

[AnErin]

You two need to sit down real soon together, just the two of you alone, cell phones OFF, distractions OFF, and have a serious talk about things. You two should also agree not to let your anger get the best of you and try not to be snide about anything.
Make a list beforehand of the things you wish to say if you have to. Ask him to keep an open mind as should you.
Discuss EVERY problem honestly. You two have issues that one or both are not willing to deal with.

It is easy to say "Just move on" but this isn't some weekend fvck buddy you are talking about. It is someone you have been building a relationship with.

Is it worth the effort? To know that, you have to ask yourself how you felt when he left.
Sure it was easy for him to jump ship in a bout of anger but he knows he messed up. Give you and him another chance.
If things do not change after your talk, THEN it may be time to move on.

[Skyler3692]

Yes I feel really hurt he moved out. I have lost trust, I worry about the future. My kids, I don't feel he would take care of them. If my cancer returned and I couldn't work I wonder how long he would stay, yes I'm sure he'd take care of me, but my kids? His idea is they are old enough to look after themselves.
We have talked, I am not convinced, I think now I will take a back step if he loves me then I will let him prove it. But I feel clear that I don't want him moving back in. My confusion is about staying friends, see what happens? Or should I just move on. All of my family think he is a waste of time, but I can't rub out 5 years.

[michelle23]

Yes you can. Your in love with the idea of him. He was on his best behaviour throughout the honeymoon period before you lived together. Then you saw the real him and wont admit to yourself that this man is not good for you. Your family dont like him. Thats a red flag when all the people who care about you hate your bf. They cant all be wrong.

Your clinging on coz hes familiar, comfortable, provides a little security-not because you love him or coz your good together. I think it is time to move on. He just has nowhere else to go-thats the only reason hes popped back like a bad smell-not because he actually wants to be there

you deserve better

[Skyler3692]

Your right, I felt like I owe him. Because he stayed with me when I was I'll. I need to move on.

[michelle23]

You dont owe him anything. You owe yourself a decent man who treats you with love and respect