Well before i begin i'll say a few quick worlds about myself.
I live in denmark, i am 23 years old, originally from south america.
Before i begin please know that i admit that there is something wrong with me so please refer from the ''that is not love comments''.
Up until now actually 2 days before Christmas i was together with my 60th girl.
In the past i had a girlfriend for nearly 6 years and we broke up recently, i'll admit that i was not always the best boyfriend in fact i cheated on her a few too many times. I felt as though our sex life was empty at times and therefore began to play outside, i know it does not make it right but every time i had sex with somebody other than her i felt like killing myself afterwards.
We recently decided to break up and each go our separate ways, and recently i have begun to notice a problem that is Disturbing my well being.
When i am by myself i feel like i love seriously ''love'', all my booty calls and even some of my friends, but as soon as i come either by having sex or by playing my entire interest in all those girls just vanishes, and 10 minutes later i love them once more... creating a very disturbing mental cycle.
I know that i deserve to be slapped and what not for all the horrible things that i have done but i simply do not know how to stop,
the 60th girl i actually loved her, and my feelings for her did not vanish after sex but then she betrayed me and we dont really talk much anymore, and as soon as i felt betrayed (i deserve it) i just gave up on her and began feeling sorry for myself by doing what i always have done.
Can somebody tell me whats wrong with me?
I dont feel like i good person, i feel like a horrible horrible person but i just dont know how to stop.
What i feel is genuine love until the ''need'' is not there anymore...
For those curious my booty calls know about this problem, so i am not lying to them, but i just wish i could find a way to stop doing what i am doing.
I have tried simply ignoring those feelings, but that simply destroys my everyday life after a few weeks with awkward boners that dont go away and thoughts of nothing but sex filling my entire head.
The need is not there 24/7 - and i can work without any problems normally... however if more than 1-2 weeks pass its there that the problems or withdrawal symptoms begin to show, sometimes a month may pass before i feel anything and other times a day or 2 is enough.
I want to be an honest person and find a girl, the right girl and i am continuously searching because i feel as though there is a huge hole in my chest that i cant fill up, however something always happens that makes me loose interest... The hole in my chest in not because of the break up, i was more happy than i have ever been before when we still were together, but there was always something missing.
That is not suppost to say that i am a jerk that just uses everybody, the only people that know this side of me are my regular booty calls.
But i feel bad that i have had sex with nearly all my female friends, and the search for the girl of my dreams just keeps adding more to the list.
To most people i meet i am a nice guy, i dont smoke, i dont really drink that much, i'd say i am fairly good looking, the problems just lies beneath the surface always creeping around the corner.
i APPRECIATE any advice not matter how rought or evil it is