Stay with her / leave her?

[badger_g]

Hi, I am eight months into a relationship with a girl I met through a friend. We get on great when we are together and I do have feelings for her, but we are some distance apart so I only see her at the weekend. During the week we talk / text / Skype and it's always nice to hear from her but I get bored very quickly when we are having a conversation, sometimes I just want to hang up when I'm on the phone or ask her to stop talking for a while. She doesn't stop for more than a few seconds. She continuously talks over people, this seems inadvertent because she just doesn't really stop talking but it can be very annoying.
I also don't really have a very strong physical attraction to her, she's quite pretty but overweight and has never tried to improve her shape since I met her (I would never ask her to...). She complains about people quite a bit, such as her family and people she knows / works with, this brings me down.
I'm not on here to rant about her bad points. She is a nice person deep down and very loving and thoughtful, especially towards me. Most of my friends think she's a really nice person and I can see why, I really think she is and that's why I have feelings for her.
Nine years ago I broke up with a girl who I had been with for the previous 18 months and I was completely in love with her. We used to see each other every day and lived together for a while before she broke up with me. I haven't been in a relationship with anyone else up until eights months ago. For nine years I thought about that girl a lot... It got less and less as the years went by. So now I met someone new but it's not the same. Obviously I knew I wouldn't get that same feeling with the new girl straight away but eight months in and I still don't feel it. In the nine years that past I knew I would never be with that ex-girlfriend again and tried to forget about her. I never met here since then, never tried to look her up.... I finally thought that now it would be okay after all this time, surely I couldn't still have feelings for her, just out of curiosity I decided to look her up on Facebook. As soon as I seen her face I felt a lot of emotions. Now I can't stop looking at her picture on there, she just looks so amazing and all I can think is that I want to go find her and see if we could get back together.... But I know that could never happen. I should just go back to forgetting about here as much as possible, it's been nine years.
So this really is two stories: how I feel about my current girlfriend and how I still feel about an ex-girlfriend from long ago. But all this information should surely make it clearer about whether or not I should stay with my current girlfriend. I think the reason I haven't broken it off yet is because I was single for so long and hated it so much that I don't want to go back. I'm not even sure how I feel, I just want to be happy and I'm looking for advice on what might be the best thing to do...

[Darkmoon3778]

She broke up with you, depending on the reason, dont accept the ex. Especially since the current one is so nice

[4 ratties]

Break up with her. It's not fair to her to be living a lie

[Mademoiselle V]

Hi Badger,

You are not in love with your current girlfriend. You appreciate her for all she is and she is a good distraction from loneliness but you are only going to hurt her if you keep making her believe that all is good between you. If you don't like her chatting so much all the time, if you don't like what she looks like now, it is not going to get any better with time.
Your mind and your heart are still taken by your previous girlfriend. As a woman I find it beautiful that you are still have feelings for her after so many years but maybe it is more regrets than feelings. Now that you found her on facebook, why don't you send her a message? just say Hi and see how she responds to it. I am sure that she will be delighted to hear from you.
As for your New Girlfriend, just be friendly to her, tell her that you don't want to lose her as a friend but that you need a bit of time to know what you really want. After 8 months, she deserves that. If you are not emotionally involved with her, you can take all the good bits and ignore the bad ones but you should be straight with her. Loneliness is a terrible thing but we learn a lot from it and even when we are in a couple and in love, we are still seeking it.. don't be afraid to be lonely and have faith. Meanwhile, write to your previous girlfriend.

Mlle V

[smackie9]

Tip: never expect a girl to "get in shape" because she is dating you, either you accept her for who she is or don't date her. You have led her on to believe you accept her for who she is and that's pretty raw. I feel she deserves better than you. You gotta get over this hang up you have about your ex and stop using this poor girl to fill in your loneliness....not fair to you or her.