Confused

[EPB2301]

Hello everyone. I just want to say thank you in advance for your posts. Well, my GF and I have been together for a year and half. I give her $325, because I think we are a family and she does need the help. She has two girls. Let me tell you about her, so you can get an idea of the situation. She is 45yo, her father was verbally and sexually abusive, her mom worked 2 jobs and too F'ed up to help. She raised her little sister, even leaving high school. She has work for everything she has gotten and tough as nails. She was cheated on by her ex, and I think she has given up on love and tends to be negative. That is what I love about her. I have also worked for everything I gotten, my parents had 5 kids (I was #2), so got forgotten a lot. Dad was too hard sometimes, I finish high school and my life was maybe a little easier than my GF. to the meat of the matter

Well my GF says she loves me, but not in love with me. I will say "I love you" and mean it, she will respond "Love you" but sometimes it sounds forced. I will text I love you, she responds "K U too". I will admit I am big softy and affectionate. She thinks I am needy. She tends to keep me at arms length. I feel that she is in love with me, but scared due to her ex. She is not the kind of person who will hug you and kiss you out of the blue. But is with her kids, I know they are her kids. I just need a outside POV give picture.

Thanks again

[basilandthyme]

EPB, would she still be with you if you weren't giving her money?

[EPB2301]

Yes, I think she would.

[Boisdevie]

1. Identify problem.
2. Try to resolve problem - if tha works fine or
3. Fail to resolve problem- end relationship.

[Wakeup]

Stop giving to her. See if she says "love you" then.

Just so's ya know: There are women out there that don't need fixing. This one certainly does but you can't help her with that, she needs professional help to get her past her own rotten childhood and her abusive relationship with the father of her children. She doesn't like you because you don't treat her like shit like all the other men in her life have and that she's become used to.

Google "white knight syndrome" and see if any of that reminds you of yourself. If it does, then strive to correct that about yourself because being an over-compensating door mat isn't going to make her love you. In her current state it will actually make her feel quite indifferent to you but she will keep you around for the benefits.

Look out for your own well being while you are "in love" with her and while she is not "in love" with you.

[michelle23]

She has a lot of baggage she needs to work on. You cannot fix her. She needs to do that alone. Most our behaviour, wants, needs, desires are formed in childhood. Shes attracted to men who treat her like crap coz that is all she has ever known so any good man in her life will be trampled on. The only way for her to change this is through therapy